That whole "Guilt Thing"

StacyGleaso · October 2006

Scouty grazed this subject in one of her posts. It is that feeling many of us have because we, for the moment anyway, have "won" against this beast called cancer. It is impossible to NOT think of grandma047, fitlisa, pattieb, bsrules' Bob, Btrcup's Scott, Andreae, sea detail, afraidinindy's husband, and a slew of others who I am surely missing, and NOT feel guilty about where I am at today.

Scouty, Kerry, Lisa Rose, & I talked about this in Vegas last October. It is so difficult to figure out why some people "make it" and others do not... It is also very difficult to avoid feeling like we shouldn't always tell our good news for fear of offending someone who may be facing some very difficult times.

Bottom line...
I hope the happy, hopeful stories do not make those in different areas of this disease feel badly. Survivor stories are shared to spread much-needed hope and proof that with each passing day, you can be one day closer to cured.

I can't help but get a little misty when I read all the wonderful responses everyone posted to my multiple 5 yr anniversary posts. Typically, I LOVE multiple "anythings" (wink)....but I hope nobody feels cheated or sad about them.

Love you all,

Stacy

kerry · October 2006

Stacy girl!! Stories like yours are our inspiration, our hope, and our reason to BELIEVE that we too can beat this disease.

Many times we go through our bouts with chemo, radiation, surgery and wonder where is that light at the end of the tunnel.......Then we hear stories of survival and we get our boost once again and that light starts appearing.

Whether we survive this disease or not, we can never lose hope.

I am so disappointed that I cannot attend CP4 this year because of this disease, but I BELIEVE I will be here for the next one and the next one and on and on.

Thanks Stacy and CONGRATULATIONS on your 5th year anniversary with NED. Keep going, keep living, keep encouraging and spreading your good news.

The fearless four (Lisa P., Baby Lisa, Stacy and me) will be together again at CP5.

My best to you always.

Love,

Kerry

ron50 · October 2006

Hi Stacy(Whew just avoided the "e" key),
We all have been in a battle with cancer. I have no doubt we will be fighting it till the end of our days. I know what you mean about the guilt. That is a normal reaction to surviving any life threatening event. BUT we were not hiding when the bombs were going off ,there is no way to hide from cancer. I am just as proud of those that fought and lost as those that fought and won. I refuse to believe that those that are battling don't feel the same way. All the long term survivors here do their level best to help those that are battling. Just read some of those posts again. Quite a few of those that are still here attribute their success to your inspiration. You have survived with style ,grace and honesty you of all people need feel no guilt just keep on being STACY (drat had to backspace and remove the e,we australians have a bad habit of adding e to everythinge)Best wishes Ron.

KathiM · October 2006

Having just dealt with this issue, with the loss of my 36 year old friend, I found something that gets me thru...
Each of us has a list of tasks in our lives.
We do NOT know what is on that list, nor where we are on that list. Nor should we try to find out. We need to accept that everyone's list is different, and different in length. Some tasks take longer, some are just as simple as sharing our good news as an inspiration to others.
Here's the hard part: When our list is complete, so are we. We need to accept this, and celebrate the completion of the person's list.

This is what has made me get thru the passing of 3 people in the recent past.

"Here are my hands, use them at Your will"

Hugs, Kathi

Lisa Rose · October 2006

Stacy,

You are a regular Mother Teresa . . . Always caring how others feel. But as you know this disease comes with the " Good " the " Bad " and the UGLY. . . . .

This is your time to shine and I do understand having survivors guilt. But by celebrating and honoring you this week is a " VICTORY " for all our stage 4 brothers & sisters. As a semi-colon family we need to share the positive victories and embrace each other with the sadness this disease brings to many.

I think of the movie ~ An Officer and a Gentleman ~ in the end when Richard Gere ( Zack) goes to the factory and takes Debra Winger ( Paula ) away with him. All the girls in the factioy were so very happy for her and chanting " Way To Go Paula " .

Well I say " Way To Go Stacy " . . .

Go live your life , love your children, laugh often and enjoy everyday.

With Love

Lisa Rose

foxy · October 2006

Hi Stacy, yes I always feel that guilt thing, and even though I read the posts here every day, I rarely reply for that very reason. I am now heading to year 13 since my stage 4 episode and feel so much for those on here, who are at this stage going through so much pain and grief. It really gets to me when there is another loss on this board. Just want to say hang in there, for everyone still fighting this dreadful disease. I pray daily for all of you.

Virginia.

Betsydoglover · October 2006

Stacy -

I can relate to this in a big way, and frankly I have hardly "survived" compared to you. But why me with really nothing but good news so far and not someone else, especially not someone much younger than me? That's really difficult to understand.

However, since I am such at a newbie at this Stage IV survival thing (and the bubble could burst with any scan), I also have to say that hearing Stage IV survival stories is So HUGELY helpful to me. They make me think that all is really not lost and that there is reason to hope.

Stacy - your 5 year story is so wonderful. Virginia - 13 years? Wow! Please tell me more! Throughout all this I have maintained a pretty good attitude - maybe I just couldn't believe I could be dying - but to actually know of two people who are long term Stage IV survivors helps me be even more ready to continue this fight. So, here I am with short term survivor's guilt and hope for the future.

Meanwhile, I get so sad every time I read of someone losing the battle. Today in the Washington Post there was an article about how black men receive less medical care and die sooner of diseases such as cancer - it focused on a really fine man who died this past Spring of Stage IV colo-rectal. The article was good, but it upset me because while the article was essentially about this fine person, it also made it sound like there was NO HOPE for Stage IV colorectal patients. Kind of set be back a bit. I may write a letter to the Post - as I said the article was great, and scaring people into colonoscopies is fine, but it definitely didn't present the side that says Stage IV can in some cases be survived.

Off to feel guilty (but also hoping for the next survivor story)

Betsy

vinny3 · October 2006

Don't feel guilty about surviving where others have not. There may be a purpose in it that we are not aware of. Keep giving support to others ,and the fact of your survival gives hope to those who are not as far down the trail.

Hugs, ****

foxy · October 2006

Betsydoglover said:
Stacy -

I can relate to this in a big way, and frankly I have hardly "survived" compared to you. But why me with really nothing but good news so far and not someone else, especially not someone much younger than me? That's really difficult to understand.

However, since I am such at a newbie at this Stage IV survival thing (and the bubble could burst with any scan), I also have to say that hearing Stage IV survival stories is So HUGELY helpful to me. They make me think that all is really not lost and that there is reason to hope.

Stacy - your 5 year story is so wonderful. Virginia - 13 years? Wow! Please tell me more! Throughout all this I have maintained a pretty good attitude - maybe I just couldn't believe I could be dying - but to actually know of two people who are long term Stage IV survivors helps me be even more ready to continue this fight. So, here I am with short term survivor's guilt and hope for the future.

Meanwhile, I get so sad every time I read of someone losing the battle. Today in the Washington Post there was an article about how black men receive less medical care and die sooner of diseases such as cancer - it focused on a really fine man who died this past Spring of Stage IV colo-rectal. The article was good, but it upset me because while the article was essentially about this fine person, it also made it sound like there was NO HOPE for Stage IV colorectal patients. Kind of set be back a bit. I may write a letter to the Post - as I said the article was great, and scaring people into colonoscopies is fine, but it definitely didn't present the side that says Stage IV can in some cases be survived.

Off to feel guilty (but also hoping for the next survivor story)

Betsy

Hi Betsy, throughout the last 13 years, I have been constantly monitored with bloods scans etc. I have had a few bits removed, but they were all pre-cancerous due to the careful watch kept on me.
My Mum lasted 11 years with this, my brother just 4, but as long as you are constantly evaluated even well past the magic 5 year stage these other little things can be niped in the bud. That is my belief and it has certainly worked for me. All the best to you.

Virginia.

crazylady · October 2006

Hi Stacy,
Congratulations! Please don't feel guilty about suviving and being cancer free for 5 years.
I have spent the last 2 and 1/2 years more on treatment than off. Sometimes, even though I am very happy for someone who is doing well it is hard to read, but it also gives me hope. If others can be cancer free then it is possible that some day it will happen to me.
Please continue posting and enjoy living every day of your life guilt free.
I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out why some people seem to do better than others. I have decided that it's just luck, there is no good or logical reason. So enjoy it!!!!!!!!!!!
Jamie

Limey · October 2006

As one who is still struggling to get some quality NED time, I need to hear the brags and the happiness. I need to be reminded that ALL that fight this beast WIN. And many also survive. I cant tell you how motivated I get when I read about an anniversary because that is what I want for myself and my family. I am not jealous, nor do I think, why you and not me. Yes I get down right pissed off. And frankly right now I feel like I am on the edge and the ground is kinda shaky. I also know that this is when I most need to hear your stories of hope. If there is not hope, then there is not a real good reason to fight. I am 45 and on my 3rd diagnosis in 2.5 years AND I aint giving up yet. Thanks for the opportunity to read about your anniversaries.

scouty · October 2006

Thanks girlfriend,

Durn, you sure prove why I am so proud to call you a friend, mentor, and hero. Even though you are a young pup, you are still very awesome.

I remember back when my chemo treatments stopped being effective and I was struggling with knowing that the way I was fighting wasn't working very well and I needed a new game plan. I would cry and feel envious with every success post. I wasn't crying out of jealousy or anger toward the person posting, I was crying because I SO wanted to feel what they felt when they heard the words NED.

At the time, I never expected to know how that could feel, I was supposed to be dying. Then lo and behold, 9 months after I changed game plans I heard the NED word. I cried off and on for 2 solid days and still tear up (I am blue eyed and cry easily) just thinking about those huge overpowering emotions back then. That was over a year ago and I still pinch myself to make sure I am awake and it is all real. I want everyone to feel it, but can't control that. I also get scared shitless knowing it could all come tumbling down tomorrow.

Wow, that felt good getting off it out. FREE THERAPY!!!!!! I hope we get a chance to talk about this some more in Halifax. I think I need to.

Oh and what kind of multiple things were you referring to??? Just kidding.

Hugs and kisses forever,

Lisa P.

jerseysue · October 2006

I'm with Kerry I love hearing the Stage 4 winning stories. I'm going to be starting round 2 and I don't feel like I want to beat your A.. or anything like that. I just hope that I'm one of the inspirational stories in a few months. See you in a few weeks.

That whole "Guilt Thing"

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