Intimate Relations - Concerned

nudgie
nudgie Member Posts: 1,478 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
I had my Stage II colon cancer removed in July 06 and have not had an intimate relation with my husband since then. I started Chemo on 18 August and will be finished around 19 Jan 07. I have received permission from both my surgeon and Ono doctors to continue relations but I can't seem to figure out why I do not have any feelings or desire to. PLEASE HELP!!!!

Comments

  • RunnerZ
    RunnerZ Member Posts: 185
    #2
    Nudgie, I am a 44 year old male 7 year survivor of stage 3 rectal cancer. I had preoperative chemoradiation, surgery, then 6 months of chemotherapy. Your lack of desire is so very not surprising. Your body has been through alot and it will take months to heal. Sexual intercourse was painful even for me (and I'm a guy!) for several months after radiation. Moreover, you just don't feel so great, or great about yourself, for some time. However, take good, no great, care of YOURSELF and your desire will return, I promise you. I ran and worked out regularly and got my body and my mojo back (LOL). Your sense of self takes a hit with cancer, but it comes back like the tide when you regain your health and your balance. Good luck, and be so very patient and kind to yourself over the next year or so.
  • vinny3
    vinny3 Member Posts: 928 Member
    #3
    You have gone through a big shock to your system, both physically and emotionally. Plus the chemo doesn't help and there often can be some body image issues. Are you doing any exercise such as walking. I find that that helps somewhat to feeling more normal. The week of chemo there is fatigue and other sensations that interfere. Start slow with just hugs and contact with your husband with no set endpoint (sexual relations). Don't despair- you are not the only one who has experienced this and it will get better.

    ****
  • DK2006
    DK2006 Member Posts: 126
    #4
    Hi Nudgie,
    Surgery and chemo is very stressful. Although I didn't "desire" sexual relations like I did before surgery and chemo, I still wanted the intimacy that sexual intercourse provides. So during chemo I used astroglide for lubrication. I think that what you're feeling is normal.
    Donna
  • kerry
    kerry Member Posts: 1,313 Member
    #5
    RunnerZ is correct. Your body has been through a lot with surgery and chemo. When you are beat down, sexual relations don't rank up there as a number 1 priorty. Be sure to talk with your spouse about your feelings. Surely he will understand with all you've been through. Some good hugs and caresses go a long way at this time.

    Best of luck.

    Kerry
  • mum-of-four
    mum-of-four Member Posts: 22
    #6
    Nudgie, I'm sure you are totally normal to feel this way. I'm exactly the same - I am physically wrecked by the chemo and having to look after 4 children under the age of 9 and I've just got to sleep!!

    My husband has been great though and I've noticed that we've really been talking lots more and I've tried to be open about how I'm feeling (ie it's not you, I'm just knackered and don't feel in the mood) We have loads of cuddles and he isn't pressurising me for anything more. When I've got some energy back, maybe we'll be at it like rabbits! ha ha!

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