How do you find the motivation?

tennislover
tennislover Member Posts: 64
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
I have just finished my 3rd round of chemo. I dont even know how many more I have to go...it hasnt been decided how long. I am waiting for my CEA to come back this week to see if this chemo has been working. I am usually the upbeat person, the positive one, but this week I had to dig deep for my motiviation and it was hard. I have my children, thats huge but when I think about this...Is this what I am going to be doing for the rest of my life? Has anyone out there felt the same? I feel bad even admitting my bad attitude, my good attitude seems to get everyone else through my battle but it isnt working with me today. Any help? I want to hang on to my positive attitude, that I can beat this, how do you hang on to that?

Comments

  • pink05
    pink05 Member Posts: 550
    #2
    Hi,

    It's okay to let yourself feel this way once in awhile. You wouldn't be human if you didn't. You are probably putting lots of your energy into making sure that your kids and loved ones are at ease. On some days, you are going to feel frustrated about all of this. Just try to make sure that you have more good days than bad ones. You are such a fighter and I admire you so much for that. Allow yourself these times once in awhile, but just make sure to always pick yourself back up again. You are not a quitter!!! Just remember that you can beat this.

    God bless you,

    -Lee-
  • shmurciakova
    shmurciakova Member Posts: 906 Member
    #3
    I am sorry I cannot remember what you are on, or your exact situation, but all I can recommend is that you ASK your doctor. It is good to know what the game plan is. Tell him you want to know what the game plan is! I know when I was on Camptosar/Xeloda I had 6 rounds of chemo.....but now days it seems like not many folks are on that protocol. Also, be straight with your doctor. Ask, "How long am I going to be on this stuff?".
    Also, remember, it is your body and you are in charge. I have told my doctor straight up that I value "quality" over "quantity" if God forbid it ever came to that. You don't have to even stay on chemo, you have the option to take an all natural route if that is what you decide to do. I think the important thing is to BELIEVE that what you are doing is helping you. If you don't, then get a second, third opinion.....
    It helps me to continue to dream and make plans, to visualize myself cancer free, next month, next year, 5 years from now, and so forth. Try to think about how you would feel if you had no idea that you had cancer. Are you sick? If not, go out and take a walk, run, swim, or whatever you enjoy doing. Of course everyone on here has had those BAD thoughts, but try to push those aside. Try to turn "What if I die" into "What if I live"?
    Good luck to you!
    Susan H.
  • vinny3
    vinny3 Member Posts: 928 Member
    #4
    I am usually also positive but find that during the week of chemo it is harder to feel that way. I just finished my 5th cycle of folfox/avastin and had an extra week between treatments, walked alot and found that I felt less side effects and feel better this time. Just got done doing a two mile walk and feel good. If you are up to it the exercise can really help.

    ****
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #5
    Plan to do something fantastic 'after', whenever that is....focus on that....my crc treatment was pretty much a blur, I was in pain constantly from the tumor pressing on my tailbone.....I cried, yelled, sobbed....
    My breast cancer treatment was in a way worse, because I did not have the pain to distract me....on my magical day 3 after infusion, when things were the worst from the adriamycin, I vowed I would NOT DO any more. But then the next day came and, like a present, the whole thing stopped and BANG! I was back to normal.
    Let yourself cry...it ISN'T fair!!! you are right in this...you do NOT have to be the sunshine of everyone's life all the time...focus on you....and then...
    Take a deep breath, and go on...and find something to laugh about...

    Hugs, from one who has been there/done that, too!
    Kathi
  • goldfinch
    goldfinch Member Posts: 735
    #6
    Oh boy, do I know how you feel. I even wrote a very similar question to the folks here once upon a time. That helped. Just seeing all the support here. You're on the right track. Thinking about your children is a good step. I try listing all the things I'm grateful for. Even something as small as hearing a chickadee in the trees. This doesn't always help though.
    I also tell myself that things go in cycles and I'll be feeling better (emotionally) in a short time. I try to hold on tight to those weeks when I get a break from chemo. I was like you. Really never knew how long each treatment was to go for. Just figured if it was working I'd stay on it til the cancer was gone and if it wasn't working they'd be switching me (switched 3 times so far).
    Hang in there. Find one thing to smile about today. And if you can, get outside and walk. If it's 5 minutes that's great. If you can do 2 miles go for it!
    Mary
  • spongebob
    spongebob Member Posts: 2,565 Member
    #7
    Heather -

    Here's what I decided when I was in chemo, getting divorced, working 2 jobs, dealing with crap from my not-yet-ex and her **** lawyer, not seeing my kids, and generally feeling like $#!^

    We can either play the hand we're dealt and try our best to make the best of it (which isn't easy and not an everyday thing, that's accepted) or we can fold. Folding just ain't an option, darlin'. It's OK to get down, but tomorrow is a new day and you have a golden opportunity to have a good day - or at least one that's better than yesterday.

    know that we're all here for you and it is helpful to come here and vent.

    Now, you have a WONDERFUL day - smiling yet? Good.

    - SpongeBob
  • AuthorUnknown
    AuthorUnknown Member Posts: 1,537 Member
    #8
    My dear,

    First of all - it is all right to feel bad. You are allowed to feel what you feel. Don't feel bad about what you feel. Just feel it.

    2nd: yes, you should keep your children in front of your battle, you are doing it for them. They need you, they can not be without you, and so you must be here on earth to bring them up. It is your job.

    3rd: there is the light in the end of the tunnel; will be the end of your suffering and you will be called SURVIVOR! Maybe you can think about what you are going to do after you have finished your treatment, how you are going award yourself.

    4th: God is with you. He will not leave you. Trust Him.

    One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
    he was walking along the beach with the LORD.


    Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
    For each scene he noticed two sets of
    footprints in the sand: one belonging
    to him, and the other to the LORD.


    When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
    he looked back at the footprints in the sand.


    He noticed that many times along the path of
    his life there was only one set of footprints.


    He also noticed that it happened at the very
    lowest and saddest times in his life.


    This really bothered him and he
    questioned the LORD about it:


    "LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
    you, you'd walk with me all the way.
    But I have noticed that during the most
    troublesome times in my life,
    there is only one set of footprints.
    I don't understand why when
    I needed you most you would leave me."

    The LORD replied:


    "My son, my precious child,
    I love you and I would never leave you.
    During your times of trial and suffering,
    when you see only one set of footprints,
    it was then that I carried you."
  • Betsydoglover
    Betsydoglover Member Posts: 1,248 Member
    #9
    Hi tennislover -

    I know exactly what it is like to be upbeat much of the time and just crash other times. And the stress of "not knowing the end of chemo" is hideous. I am stage IV and so my oncologist could not give me an "X treatments" plan - it all depends on scan results. I had no clue what I was in for other than possibly the rest of my life - as it turns out I had 6 and then we took a "break" - just characterized as a break. But that break started in Dec 2005 and is still going on - it all depends on results and that is very very scary. So, allow yourself a down day or two and then pick yourself back up and realize you need to fight and one day at a time is not a bad philosophy.

    And, I REALLY know about being upbeat for everyone else and not being sure there is enough left over for yourself. My friends and relatives are really relieved and happy due to my attitude - me - another issue - it varies from day to day. This is normal - please come here to talk any time.

    Take care,
    Betsy
  • cherriann
    cherriann Member Posts: 155 Member
    #10
    have your bad day thats how, then get up tommorrow dust yourself off and continue the fight. we all deserve to have a bad day or a bad week for that matter. let someone else get you thru the battle for the day, then tommorrow force that smile back on your face and hopefully it will stay, if not try again later. remember you can always come here to vent, maybe you will be the ears tommorrow.
    take care, cherri
  • ron50
    ron50 Member Posts: 1,723 Member
    #11
    Hi Heather,
    I had chemo every tueday for the best part of a year .Every second week the 5fu was enhaced with some stuff called Levamisole. It was the most sickening drug I have ever had the misfortune to take. How to get through it,well I just reset my values . A good day became one on which nothing REALLY bad happened,hang in there Ron.
  • StacyGleaso
    StacyGleaso Member Posts: 1,233 Member
    #12
    I guess I never had to "find" motivation, since I never ever "lost" it. When you think of what the alternative is when battling cancer, there is no choice but to stay on top of your game. Failure is not an option. And although pouting, whining and having a pity party can be fun, it's no answer! lol Your drive and motivation will come from what makes you happy in this life. Whether it be your kids, your favorite foods, your job, your car, your "whatever." THAT is what will keep you going. Yeah, the battle sucks, but the alternative sucks worse!

    Chin up little nipper! You'll get through this....nothing lasts forever!

    Stacy

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