need words of wisdom

goldfinch
goldfinch Member Posts: 735
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
You all had such wise responses for cheryl and how to help her 3&1/2 year old daughter deal with diagnosis. Hoping you have some wise words for me.
How do you help a 22 year old daughter deal with bad news followed by more bad news? The most recent cat scan has thrown us all for a loop (showed some increase in size of all multiple lung lesions). We're waiting til my onc returns and will discuss chemo options though i've gone through all of the usual ones. I may opt not to go with any right away and try more natural solutions. Anyway, this most recent report has her very scared that she'll lose me (my sister told me this). Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. We have always had a great relationship. Never went through those trying teenage rebellion years. She comes to me with many of her problems, but is having trouble with this one.
Help!
Mary
BTW...I haven't felt this good in years (3 to be exact). I could get used to this no chemo thing, if only i can manage the actual cancer!

Comments

  • NanD
    NanD Member Posts: 58
    #2
    Hi, I'm replying not because I have words of wisdom for you, but because I have a 22 year old daughter who went through my cancer journey with me. She too is close to me and we have always been able to share. So I talked to her about the cancer just as I had about everything else-honestly and by just being myself. I shared my concerns but also shared how I was handling the fear-I talked about my faith and shared the scriptures that were nearest to me during those tough chemo days. I don't know what else you can do except don't let this change the great relationship you already have. Let her know how much her love helps you too-if she's like my daughter her strength and coping will amaze you.
  • scouty
    scouty Member Posts: 1,965 Member
    #3
    Check your email.

    Lisa P.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #4
    Dearheart, I wish I had a magic wand to send the beast away....
    Praises to you sister that she is available for you daughter...she NEEDS to talk about this!

    I was 27 when I lost my dad, not that she is going to lose you (ABSOLUTELY NOT...I WON'T ALLOW IT!!!!)
    But, she is an adult, and it sounds like you can talk to her as an adult...just tell her the news could be better, but that you have not finished fighting!
    I'm glad you are feeling so well....look inward to make your choices...

    Hugs, Kathi
  • Moesimo
    Moesimo Member Posts: 1,072 Member
    #5
    Mary,

    My heart goes out to you and your family. Perhaps a social worker can help you out. I would ask your onc. for any suggestions.

    You remain in my thoughts and prayers.

    Maureen
  • jams67
    jams67 Member Posts: 925 Member
    #6
    NanD said:

    Hi, I'm replying not because I have words of wisdom for you, but because I have a 22 year old daughter who went through my cancer journey with me. She too is close to me and we have always been able to share. So I talked to her about the cancer just as I had about everything else-honestly and by just being myself. I shared my concerns but also shared how I was handling the fear-I talked about my faith and shared the scriptures that were nearest to me during those tough chemo days. I don't know what else you can do except don't let this change the great relationship you already have. Let her know how much her love helps you too-if she's like my daughter her strength and coping will amaze you.

    NanD, Your advice is very good. I would have said the same thing. Just be honest with her, and you can help each other through this. Isn't it great to have adult children who can give you emotional support? jams
  • lfondots63
    lfondots63 Member Posts: 818 Member
    #7
    Hi Mary,

    I'm glad you are feeling good. No chemo is GREAT! I have an 18yr old daughter. This journey has only brought us closer. She has helped with support and around the house a lot. Like the others said, just talk to her. Also maybe having her help more will make her feel better. I know some kids feel so helpless with their parents sick. And like Kathi said, tell her you will not give up the fight. This is only a "bump" in the road that you will overcome. HUGS.

    Lisa F.
  • nanuk
    nanuk Member Posts: 1,358 Member
    #8
    I'm not a parent,but I would agree that she is an adult, and therefore you can communicate on an adult level-ie; what if the situation were reversed? The concerns/fears would be the same, because it is a loved one.. someone gave me this recently; possibly it will help.
    "Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible."
    Anonymous
    Bud
  • spongebob
    spongebob Member Posts: 2,565 Member
    #9
    Mary -

    I have always felt that candor is the best policy - especially when talking about cancer. It is an important thing for people to see that they have some level of "control" over that which scares them. Talking to her about different chemo options, dietary options (I'm currently reading a book by Robert Young on negative pH diets), and other eastern medicine/holistic treatments will help her, I believe. You have been dealt a hand - and not the best hand, but not eights and aces. As long as she knows you plan to play the hand and not "fold", I suspect she will feel better about it and will embrace helping you push forward.

    I am so glad you are feeling good. Keep that up. If you'd like info on the pH book, let me know. I haven't finished reading it yet, so I don't want to say I'm completely sold on this particular version, but I do agree with many of his basic theories.

    Keep living strong, Mary!

    Cheers

    - SpongeBob
  • kangatoo
    kangatoo Member Posts: 2,105 Member
    #10
    spongebob said:

    Mary -

    I have always felt that candor is the best policy - especially when talking about cancer. It is an important thing for people to see that they have some level of "control" over that which scares them. Talking to her about different chemo options, dietary options (I'm currently reading a book by Robert Young on negative pH diets), and other eastern medicine/holistic treatments will help her, I believe. You have been dealt a hand - and not the best hand, but not eights and aces. As long as she knows you plan to play the hand and not "fold", I suspect she will feel better about it and will embrace helping you push forward.

    I am so glad you are feeling good. Keep that up. If you'd like info on the pH book, let me know. I haven't finished reading it yet, so I don't want to say I'm completely sold on this particular version, but I do agree with many of his basic theories.

    Keep living strong, Mary!

    Cheers

    - SpongeBob

    Hi Mary, I can only repeat what the others here posted. Tell her the truth...talk as Bob says...use candor. When my mum was dx'd with brain cancer my stepfather told me very little. He lost hope and tried to wrap her up in cotton wool. As "adult" kids we were not allowed to talk about mum's cancer. That was a shame because it made things so much harder. Talk to her about "everything" you want to say and be honest. She will gain a better understanding and cope much better...I think so anyway Mary.
    huggs, Ros n Jen

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