ugh!!!!!!!!

critter12
critter12 Member Posts: 5
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
i just have to vent - so read with caution :) today is hard! it could be that i am tired, it could be part of my wonderful ability of being a woman. whatever it is - i just want to cry. i am so tired of dealing with this stupid cancer! the real kicker is that i have the "best cancer". whatever. they say that because it was microscopic - earliest stage possible - non aggresive and non invasive. yes i feel blessed about all that. but today just isn't one of those blessing days. instead it is a frustrating day. even if i have the "best cancer" i still have cancer. i still had to go thru surgery, which was miserable, i still have to finish radation and take tamoxifin. it has still changed my whole life and the life of my family. it would have been so wonderful if it would have been like a broken leg and once the cast was off life went back to what it was. life that was is no more. i will have a whole new life. which isn't all bad, just such an adjustment. my whole summer is gone. when the weather here in tx wasn't 180 degrees i couldn't be outside in my flower beds - i sat in a chair and watched my husband do my work. that would great if it was the dishes, but i love yard work. i totally let my veggie garden go to the compost pile. i tried to do it, but i just got so tired and then the heat came so i gave up.
i tried to do stuff inside and it just back fired on me and had to postpone radation - so all i did was drag this out even longer. i am not a sitter - i like to have at least 2 projects going. things i like to do. now that i have been doing all this sitting i have gained a good 15 pounds - being a Weight Watcher girl that is just another frustrating aspect of all this.
Well, i hope it was cool to vent like this. My family has been wonderful but they are all tired too and some of them think it all ends when the scary part is over. to me it just really begins. and so here you are not really able to let it all out because even though they want to understand they can't.
anyway, thanks for giving me a place to let it all out :)
i saw a shirt i think i have to have - CANCER SUCKS. i mean really is there another way to describe it?

Comments

  • epgnyc
    epgnyc Member Posts: 137
    #2
    Ugh indeed. That describes cancer to a tee. But don't wish for a broken leg. I completed bc treatment in 2003 and then broke my foot last December. I was in a cast for 3 months and then wasn't permitted to walk much for the next 3 months while I went through intensive physical therapy (lest I injure the atrophied foot even more). After 6 months pretty much out of commission - I live in New York City where one walks everywhere - I was one of the most disgruntled human beings who ever lived!

    You're entitled to more than a little crankiness. Your life has been turned upside down and you'll never be exactly the same as before, no matter what our well-meaning family members think. That's what this site and all the terrific women are here for. It's a place to find information, reveal ones fears and simply to vent. Take heart though...it does get better with time.
  • MaryGail
    MaryGail Member Posts: 10
    #3
    epgnyc said:

    Ugh indeed. That describes cancer to a tee. But don't wish for a broken leg. I completed bc treatment in 2003 and then broke my foot last December. I was in a cast for 3 months and then wasn't permitted to walk much for the next 3 months while I went through intensive physical therapy (lest I injure the atrophied foot even more). After 6 months pretty much out of commission - I live in New York City where one walks everywhere - I was one of the most disgruntled human beings who ever lived!

    You're entitled to more than a little crankiness. Your life has been turned upside down and you'll never be exactly the same as before, no matter what our well-meaning family members think. That's what this site and all the terrific women are here for. It's a place to find information, reveal ones fears and simply to vent. Take heart though...it does get better with time.

    Feel free to vent here. This is a great safe place to do it. We'll try to cheer you up, but we do all understand more than most what you are feeling. Of course your life could be worse! But, it could sure be better, huh?

    You'll be amazed to realize in a few weeks or months that there are days you don't think about having cancer. Hang in there. Cry. Then watch a funny movie, call a friend, sort your family photos (a sitting down project), and plan NEXT year's garden.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #4
    I LOVE venting!!!! But, there are some GOOD things that come from fighting the beast...

    1) You learn to have faith in your fighting ability

    2) You learn to slow down, and enjoy life

    3) After it's over, a feeling of peace and joy sticks around all the time

    4) For me, with my chemo....I got a whole NEW hair style...INCLUDING the color. I asked my hairdresser how much this would have cost, she said $150. I told her 'Wow! That's cheap....MINE cost me $750,000'

    5) You meet some AMAZING people that become friends, and buddies, and shoulders to cry on.

    All in all, it's better to BEAT the beast than hit a home run out of the park!!!!!

    Hugs, Kathi
  • katcam
    katcam Member Posts: 83
    #5
    yes, UGH!! i also had the "best" cancer - twice now. first time they said it was stage 0 and this last time they called it stage 1. i have been taking tamoxifen for 1 1/2 years now. i also had to have surgeries and radiation and am sooo sick of cancer and all the crap that comes with it. i spend so much time worrying about xrays (coming up in sept) and reoccurance. i wish it would stop after the scary stuff, but it doesn't. you are so right - people don't understand that. someone actually said (after i told her i was nervous about my mammo coming up) "oh, i thought you were all done with that stuff" i wanted to scream, but didn't. this is the only place i have been able to express myself - all the fears and everything. i never knew that what i felt was normal - i thought i was just paranoid. it is such a comfort to know that so many others feel the same way, although i wish that we didn't have this terrible thing in common!! prayers and hugs to you! kat
  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398 Member
    #6
    That would the best reason I still come here after 9 years. I had stage 3 with positive nodes and was left little hope of having a life like I had before. But guess what, one has to realize what they were doing before wasn't working because that resulted in the big "C". Now I have a better understanding in what I have control over and what I do NOT...
    I quit wishing hoping and praying things could be different and started realizing all that I could do to minimize my risks further something I hadn't considered before. I have worked hard this last 5 years and have a life now that I could never of dreamed of. I have learned that resigning oneself to the difficulties often allows us to explore some of the answers.
    Venting is the best of all never hanging on to thoughts that might just drive us off the deep end, somewhere none of us truly want to go.
    Be good to yourself always,
    Tara
  • Elainehz
    Elainehz Member Posts: 16
    #7
    Sorry for the miserable experience of you. It might be a dark trip for you, but in the end there is light. Just stir yourself. And be positive to face and fight it! My advise would be to have a look at the website: www.kanglaite.com
    Hope it helps.

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