What next???

pink05 · June 2006

Hi everyone, it's been a pretty bad week. My mom had a heart attack (she's doing okay). She was admitted into the hospital yesterday and probably won't be released until at least Tuesday depending on what procedures she will have to have. I'm hoping and praying that she will not need open heart surgery.

As if I didn't have enough to worry about with my dad, now this. Anyway, I'm afraid of how this will affect my dad. He insists on being in the hospital with my mom 24-7. He's been sleeping there overnight. I'm just afraid of what this will do to him. He is not taking care of himself. He is not eating right, and is sleeping on a reclining chair next to my mom (probably barely even getting much sleep). I know he is worried and stressed about this, and since his immune system is already compromised due to the chemo, I'm worried about him being exposed to germs in the hospital.

I was thinking of bringing him some healthy food while he stays with my mom so that at least he will eat healthier, but that still won't take away the stress. I don't know what to do. I am a total mess!!! Why did this have to happen now?

I just needed to vent once again. It just always seems like just as everything is getting better, wham!!! Another slap in the face. I'm trying to take care of myself and my baby also, but it is so hard to do when I am now concerned about both of my parents.

KathiM · June 2006

Pink,
Is there someone you can trust that can stay with your mom in the hospital? And give dad a break? I actually stayed in the hospital the 2 times my beau was there, so I can sympathize with your dad. I wanted someone to be there besides just the nurses. They were very kind.
If there IS no one else, maybe you can speak with the floor nursing supervisor. Tell her/him your father's situation...maybe they can offer some extra assistance (the nurses were so good to me while I was staying with my beau). Also call his onc, see what he/she can suggest to guard dad against some of the bugs.
Age is probably the biggest answer to the question 'why now?'. You need to take time for you, too...stress is not good for anyone...and you need to be there to be momma!
I'm sending as many good vibes as I can.
Hugs, Kathi

AuthorUnknown · June 2006

Dear Lee,

I am so, so, so sorry... when it rains, it pours...

Maybe you could talk to your father somehow to make him go home. Like you could suggest to him that you would stay with your mother or your husband, or I don't know if there is anybody else in your family. It would be the best to convince him to go home.

I hope that your husband is helping you. Please hang in there.... and let us pray... that both of your parents will be all right. I will pray also.

God Bless, Eleonora

Betsydoglover · June 2006

Lee -

I am so sorry about your Mom and know this only makes your stress even worse. It does sometimes seen that bad things just happen all at once. I am not sure what the best thing is, but I would like to suggest an alternate viewpoint.

Try and think that although your Dad is sick, it may actually be psychologically healthy and uplifting for him to stay with your Mom. He's been a patient for a while - it might actually be positive that he can now support your Mom the way she and you have supported him.

You should definitely ask his doc about immune system and hospital germs (I have no idea what his blood counts are). That is of course a possible concern. I'll be thinking of you and your Dad with regard to this.

It is at least possible that your Dad feels more like a responsible human being than he has previously. Cancer and the whole medical thing, can, depending in part on personality and background, make one feel dependent and less adult in a way. Your Dad might actually feel more in control staying with your Mom. (Of course I do not know your Dad and you do, so this may be utterly untrue, in which case, please ignore me.)

I agree that giving your Dad a break would be nice, but try to think that (perhaps at least) the break might not be as needed as you think.

Love that baby.

And, take care - I'll be thinking of your and your parents.

Betsy

finner · June 2006

Hi
Maybe this is the way it has to be. They probably consider themselves to be the others carer, and they are gong to do this no matter what. I wish your mother a speedy recovery andthen your father will be able to focus on himself again more.

xxx
Margo

KathiM · June 2006

finner said:
Hi
Maybe this is the way it has to be. They probably consider themselves to be the others carer, and they are gong to do this no matter what. I wish your mother a speedy recovery andthen your father will be able to focus on himself again more.

xxx
Margo

Or, Margo, maybe that's the point....
Caregiving distracts us from our own troubles...
I agree, the bonds are very strong....
Hugs, Kathi

CAMaura · June 2006

I am so sorry that you and your family have had a hard week. It sounds so trite, but try to still think about the glass being half full...You still have your mom and dad and your lovely baby! Hang in there and possibly - easier said than done I know - try to go with the flow of the unknown for the next few weeks until your mom is out of the woods and your dad can resume better care. I am sure that you are tired and wanting so much to keep it all together for both of your parents...sometimes, we just have to accept the vulnerable position we are in. Thinking of you and hoping you get a little rest and that all turns out well for your family - Maura

JADot · June 2006

Hi pink05:

It's so touching to read about how you dad is doting on your mom in spite of his own health issues. It sounds like you have such a loving family - no wonder they make the wonderful, caring dughter that you are.

This sound trite - but hang in there, this will pass.

Last Oct - Dec I was diagnosed with cancer, my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer, two uncles had prostate cancer, and my then my dad had a stroke, all in 3 months time. But we survived and things did get better.

I agree with all the suggestions given so far, nothing to add, except to say that just have faith in the healing process and the fact that things will get better!

Take care,
Ying

nanuk · June 2006

we should all have a sign on our walls, desks, etc.; "This To Shall Pass..)

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