depressed...

Dear Lee,

I don't think that you need to feel sorry for expressing your feelings. You have a right for these feelings. They are not unusual.

I feel truly sorry for what your father, you, and your family are going through. I am taking care of my mother who has stage IIB and Alzeimer's type dimentia. I truly sympathise with your feelings.

I think that your feelings are not unusual and you need to allow them to be and feel them. If you do this, it will help you in this process. If you run away from them, it will be even more difficult. I think that if you feel like crying, you need to cry, if you feel like talking to somebody about this, then you need to talk, whatever feels is right and you need to go into your feelings as deep as you can.

Maybe you could all go on the trip - somewhere locally for few days, all your family. This will give you a chance to really spend time with your father and have some memory from the trip. While he relatively feels good, it might be good idea for all of you to remember him in this state. And just take 1 day at a time.

Dear Lee,

I know it is very hard to do, I don't know how I am going to do it myself (I don't have any other family member besides my mother), but we will have to accept what happens. We have no other choice. We can and should help our parents to fight this desease but we also should try to come to terms with what happens. We have no control over things.

When my mother was diagnosed in February of this year, I was just horrified. The surgery was successful, they removed the mass from the colon and from the bladder where it spread. Lymph nodes were not affected. She did 2 weeks of chemotherapy in the form of the pill Xeloda and her liver functions went up. She stopped and had CT scan. The scan shows few millimeters nodules in her liver and lungs which per the oncologist and radiologist are stable and not of the concern. It does not make any sense to me, they are of concern to me. The oncologist told me that even healthy people without cancer diagnosis may have this, and only time will tell. She now started 2nd round of Xeloda. We shall see what happens after 2 weeks of this. My mother does not know about her diagnosis and I am her conservator which means that I making all decisions for her. It is very difficult for me. However, I feel that I am now starting coming to terms with what is happening. I only can do what I can do.

Doctors and medicine can only do what they can do. Everything else in the hands of God. We can not change anything. We have to do our best and let God do the rest.

We can cry on each other shoulder if you like. Anything I can do to help you - just e-mail me.

My thoughts and prayers for your father, you and your family.

Eleonora

Hi, you know Im here for you. I know what you mean about being depressed. I was out at a cookout with my daughter today and I felt good but then two seconds later I realized I will be seeing my dad tomorrow and I got depressed. He is really hallucinating right now. I wish I could tell you how not to be depressed but its a natural thing to go through when a loved one is sick. The weight loss I think is from the chemo. My dad lost 15 pounds everytime he was on chemo and he ate like a pig. He also will get tired with the more chemo they put in him. Hang in there. Mindy

I don't know if this will help or not, but here is how I NOW view things...

Instead of waiting for the "perfect" day to take the kids somewhere, or wait until the housework is done to do something fun and out of the ordinaly, DO IT NOW! THIS is life. If we wait for the perfect time to do something, that day may never come. And what will you miss out in the meantime? You miss a lazy day on a swing watching the kids play, or the birds sing, or the wind blow. We are all SO preoccupied with getting everything perfect to do one thing or another, that we fail to realize that time is passing us by. Each moment you are here, is precious. You don't need to conquer the world, the mound of laundry or a heap of dishes in order to slack off once in a while. We often forget that in the course of "fighting the fight" we are burning up time with worry and concern. This is not a dress rehearsal. We didn't sign up for cancer or the fight that comes with it. But don't miss the life around you while letting the battle consume you.

This is the time you build and cherish the moments your dad has with your new baby. He needs to help with your gardening and housework to make himself feel that regardless of the cancer, he is a person. He doesn't want to be a spectator in this thing called life. We are all scared at one time or another. Perfectly natural. But don't let it force you to miss the "right now" in your life.

Each day further from diagnosis becomes a little bit easier. I promise.

Take care, and chin up little nipper!

Stacy

nanuk said:

he will get weaker with increasing treatments, but look at the bright side; he is getting fresh air, sunshine and exercise..all good for him and bad for the cancer. Chemo vcan cause weight loss-possibly he feels better with the weight loss.
whatever the truth, worrying won't change the outcome, so why not present a positive side to your dad? Live in the moment-lthat's all any of us have. Bud

Hear! Hear!, Bud!
Worrying...which is VERY human....doesn't changes anything but ruin a lovely day...
I know, easier said than done...but the old saying "a bird in the hand", if you change it to say "a DAY in the hand"...take each day, enjoy it...tomorrow will take care of itself.
Hugs, Kathi

hi pink,
do know that you and your father are in my thoughts and prayers. the tirdness and weight loss are all a part of the process but i know how difficult it must be to watch. let him do what he can it is probaly very therepeutic for him. keep your head up.
cherri