dating

ive been finding it extremely difficult to date. i find that i once was very outgoing and not shy, but now that my appearance has changed, i have a hard time making eye contact. im embarrassed to go out in public. i find myself thinking that no "healthy" person would find it in there heart to fall in love with someone who is as sick as i am. its hard to put a time frame on a relationship. im 24 years old and the guys my age are more for going out and experiencing the party life, and here i am stuck in the house most of the day. they also dont want to say that their girlfriend is bald and only has 2-7 years to live. who wants to make a life with someone who wont be around to help them finish what they started? have you had any success as of late?? please let me know how youve dealt with this situation. thanks.

cat

misscat said:

ive been finding it extremely difficult to date. i find that i once was very outgoing and not shy, but now that my appearance has changed, i have a hard time making eye contact. im embarrassed to go out in public. i find myself thinking that no "healthy" person would find it in there heart to fall in love with someone who is as sick as i am. its hard to put a time frame on a relationship. im 24 years old and the guys my age are more for going out and experiencing the party life, and here i am stuck in the house most of the day. they also dont want to say that their girlfriend is bald and only has 2-7 years to live. who wants to make a life with someone who wont be around to help them finish what they started? have you had any success as of late?? please let me know how youve dealt with this situation. thanks.

cat

ABOUT YOUR COMMENT
i was for 5 years with my "soul mate"unti i found out he was dating another woman behind my back, until on 10/3/11 i found the reason of his changes. Now, I am feeling lonely, sad and very upset, the way he plays me was horrible. Now, I decided to loook for somebody in my conditions that wants to date.I have stomach cancer and 54 years old, my older and only boy is schizofrenic, paranoic and chronic depression, two weeks ago he decided for second times commit suicide. Everything in less than a month bad things happening to me. Imagine how i am feeling now? So move on with your life honey, try to do the best you can and try to date another person that love you the way you are inside, no outside. I am going to register for get a new soul male for me, God love us and he has a good man for us.

GogolBordello said:

I agree
I've had a hard time dating and holding relationships with non survivors. The one relationship I had with a transplant survivor was great (not cancer, but I had a stem cell trans) but didn't work out, long story.

the right partner,,,
I have dated non-survivors too,,, they just don't click,,,
I think the view of life isn't the same,,,
and I am faulty for not telling him in advance about what I have experienced,,, but don't know how to tell a potential partner about everything,,, without scaring the person away,,, and don't know when the best timing is,,, it's such a long story,,, and I just don't know how to tell others,,,

and about somethings, they just don't have the same insight to,,, :S

and what could seem sooo much less of a problem after going through what we go through can be such a big deal to others,,, including my ex,,, and I just found it really disappointing when they just don't get stuff,,, or are just sooo over-wrapped about something that isn't that devastating,,, but gets so "depressed over it"

and in words, some people can seem so capable of understanding,,, but if they have never been in the situation themselves or had a close relative go through something like cancer,,, they just don't know how to react,,, and I find it difficult to stand in the same ground because the perspective is so different,,, well, sometimes,,,

I haven't had the luck to date anyone who is a survivor,,, I wish I could though,,, but I don't know why,,, I meet really great people,,, but they are all the same sex lol XD not that that is bad, but it's just difficult to date someone who doesn't quite get it,,, maybe I'll get lucky and meet someone soon

and I don't know,,, how do you resolve something like that,,, is the only solution to date a survivor? or are there people out there that can be compassionate and understanding of what goes on?

my best friend is actually not a survivor,,, but really seams to understand certain things!!! maybe she has second hand experience with a close relative... I personally don't like talking about myself too much cause it brings back unpleasant memories,,, so I never asked my friend more than she was willing to talk about,,,

I guess we just have to be super lucky to meet the right person

but I just have to believe that I (or we) will all meet someone that is perfect for each of us,,,

Not sure that would help much

There is an online dating site that is designed for people who have had cancer, though it may have been created after this thread was started: http://www.cancermatch.com/.

 

In terms of only looking to date people that are cancer survivors, I think it would not be a useful idea.  While it certainly is true that people see life differently after having had cancer, people also see life differently after someone in their family having cancer, a traumatic accident, etc.  And even if someone did have cancer, he or she may not have the same experience from it as another person. 

I think one should be open to dating both cancer survivors and non cancer survivors.  That being said, I do recognize that another cancer survivor may be easier to relate to, but worry that only looking for a relationship among cancer survivors would reduce one's chances of finding someone by too much.

alldayjc1958 said:

hi

HI Where do i go to try and fine some one for dating  here with cancer like me

Oftentimes...

Oftentimes, when you volunteer with your local branch of the American Cancer Society (etc), you'll find folks who "get it," -- either cancer survivors or family / friends of folks who've had cancer. Also, volunteering and doing for others is beneficial in physical, emotional, and social ways.  The ACS can always use volunteers, so it's a win-win situation. 

misscat said:

ive been finding it extremely difficult to date. i find that i once was very outgoing and not shy, but now that my appearance has changed, i have a hard time making eye contact. im embarrassed to go out in public. i find myself thinking that no "healthy" person would find it in there heart to fall in love with someone who is as sick as i am. its hard to put a time frame on a relationship. im 24 years old and the guys my age are more for going out and experiencing the party life, and here i am stuck in the house most of the day. they also dont want to say that their girlfriend is bald and only has 2-7 years to live. who wants to make a life with someone who wont be around to help them finish what they started? have you had any success as of late?? please let me know how youve dealt with this situation. thanks.

cat

DTTO

ME TOO!!!!!!!  HELP

Vulgarism said:

I think making a site for
I think making a site for "survivors" is so isolating, though. I don't know, so far I've been one of few, but I dislike the term survivor, NED or whatever terminology is used to indicate. I suppose in my mind, I'd much rather be seen as merely a person amongst everyone else than be singled out. Also, I really don't think I'd want to date another cancer survivor, either. That isn't to say I'd completely rule it out, life happens, but..I don't know. Just doesn't sound like something I'd go for, personally. I'd rather join a regular dating site, if need be.

it seems fitting for me through my experiences

its not singled out..... its about commonality