having trouble moving on
Comments
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First of all, I think your fear is quite normal. I too have a huge fear of recurrence. I have tried to control my fear by reading everything I can find about how to prevent this. I know that there are no guarrantees, but I feel that if I do everything I know how to do, I minimize the risk. I have found exercise really helps. It calms me and I know I am doing some good. I eat carefully and take supplements. I am still afraid, but I don't know how long it will take before I move away from the fear. Maybe never. I just don't want to live the rest of my life without doing anything because I'm paralyzed by fear.
Hugs.
Lesley0 -
yes, i feel better when i exercise, but whenever i get a weird pain, usually in the area where they did the biopsy last october, then i go into a full panic. and at night, at night i lay awake just thinking and feeling scared. i have only been married a few months and i just pray that i can have some scare-free years to enjoy. my husband probably thinks i'm nuts cause i can't let go of these feelings. it's hard to talk to him about it - he tries to understand, but unless you've been thru it, you can't. it helps to know i'm not the only one that feels like this. i'm driving myself crazy but i feel so alone in this - i am already starting to dread my mammo and that's not till oct! i know i can't worry from now till then, but it's sooo hard!LesleyH said:First of all, I think your fear is quite normal. I too have a huge fear of recurrence. I have tried to control my fear by reading everything I can find about how to prevent this. I know that there are no guarrantees, but I feel that if I do everything I know how to do, I minimize the risk. I have found exercise really helps. It calms me and I know I am doing some good. I eat carefully and take supplements. I am still afraid, but I don't know how long it will take before I move away from the fear. Maybe never. I just don't want to live the rest of my life without doing anything because I'm paralyzed by fear.
Hugs.
Lesley0 -
I still think that your fear and dread is normal. This is what I do when I feel a twinge of pain. I also panic for a second, but then I change position, etc and see if the pain is still there. When I wake in the morning, I check for pains. Cancer pain does not come and go. If there is no pain first thing in the morning, I figure I have one more day....katcam said:yes, i feel better when i exercise, but whenever i get a weird pain, usually in the area where they did the biopsy last october, then i go into a full panic. and at night, at night i lay awake just thinking and feeling scared. i have only been married a few months and i just pray that i can have some scare-free years to enjoy. my husband probably thinks i'm nuts cause i can't let go of these feelings. it's hard to talk to him about it - he tries to understand, but unless you've been thru it, you can't. it helps to know i'm not the only one that feels like this. i'm driving myself crazy but i feel so alone in this - i am already starting to dread my mammo and that's not till oct! i know i can't worry from now till then, but it's sooo hard!
Hugs.
Lesley0 -
i can't believe how much better hearing that makes me feel - i am just releived to have a place to share my thoughts and feelings. thanks so much for the advice - i will keep it in mind when i feel like i might freak out!! :-) katLesleyH said:I still think that your fear and dread is normal. This is what I do when I feel a twinge of pain. I also panic for a second, but then I change position, etc and see if the pain is still there. When I wake in the morning, I check for pains. Cancer pain does not come and go. If there is no pain first thing in the morning, I figure I have one more day....
Hugs.
Lesley0 -
Please feel free to write to me anytime. I really do understand.katcam said:i can't believe how much better hearing that makes me feel - i am just releived to have a place to share my thoughts and feelings. thanks so much for the advice - i will keep it in mind when i feel like i might freak out!! :-) kat
Hugs.
Lesley0 -
I think the hardest thing I have found we must learn to do after such a fight for our lives is realize truly what we have control over and what we do not. Fear is truly from feeling very vaulnerable and I think that is one way we can take back our power and realize our control.
I learned to let these feelings go, though they come into mind now and then. I allow a time short time for everything including my fears but then move on to something else. We can actually worry ourselves back into sickness, stress being a very harmful thing. Through the ART of BREATHING and realizing my stake in this life of mine has helped me to help myself.
Be good to yourself always,
Tara0 -
that is really good advice, too. i have not ever been able to really express myself until i signed up & posted on this site yesterday. it is really a liberating feeling. anytime i try to share my feelings about cancer with anyone they all give me the same look and say "it's gonna be ok". i know they think they are being supportive, but somehow i end up being the one that has to comfort them & tell them that everything is fine!! i felt better after just typing out and seeing my own words posted here and not being expected to make light of my cancer or how i feel about it. it truly is the first time since my surgery in oct '04 that i have been able to honestly express myself to anyone. i've been reading alot of the other stories and it is amazing to see how many other people feel like i do & who understand. God bless us all!! :-) kat24242 said:I think the hardest thing I have found we must learn to do after such a fight for our lives is realize truly what we have control over and what we do not. Fear is truly from feeling very vaulnerable and I think that is one way we can take back our power and realize our control.
I learned to let these feelings go, though they come into mind now and then. I allow a time short time for everything including my fears but then move on to something else. We can actually worry ourselves back into sickness, stress being a very harmful thing. Through the ART of BREATHING and realizing my stake in this life of mine has helped me to help myself.
Be good to yourself always,
Tara0 -
You said it!!!katcam said:that is really good advice, too. i have not ever been able to really express myself until i signed up & posted on this site yesterday. it is really a liberating feeling. anytime i try to share my feelings about cancer with anyone they all give me the same look and say "it's gonna be ok". i know they think they are being supportive, but somehow i end up being the one that has to comfort them & tell them that everything is fine!! i felt better after just typing out and seeing my own words posted here and not being expected to make light of my cancer or how i feel about it. it truly is the first time since my surgery in oct '04 that i have been able to honestly express myself to anyone. i've been reading alot of the other stories and it is amazing to see how many other people feel like i do & who understand. God bless us all!! :-) kat
Hugs.
Lesley0 -
Hi Kat - I know what you mean about not being able to share feelings about going through treatments, etc., I get that same look - when people ask how I am doing. - It seems they just want to hear "fine or ok". After treatment, people expect the whole thing to be behind us & we should be back to normal since we are over the treatments. I read this board daily and find it very encouraging and supportive just knowing that others are going through the same feelings and adjustments. Everyone here has always been very understanding. I can post things here without worrying about people judging me & without feeling guilty about complaining about what seems like little things to others. Most people who haven't had cancer just don't understand. They try to but unless you have been though it - no one can imagine the ups & downs.katcam said:that is really good advice, too. i have not ever been able to really express myself until i signed up & posted on this site yesterday. it is really a liberating feeling. anytime i try to share my feelings about cancer with anyone they all give me the same look and say "it's gonna be ok". i know they think they are being supportive, but somehow i end up being the one that has to comfort them & tell them that everything is fine!! i felt better after just typing out and seeing my own words posted here and not being expected to make light of my cancer or how i feel about it. it truly is the first time since my surgery in oct '04 that i have been able to honestly express myself to anyone. i've been reading alot of the other stories and it is amazing to see how many other people feel like i do & who understand. God bless us all!! :-) kat
0 -
oh, that is sooo true!! i also feel guilty when i try to explain how i feel. i am sooo glad i found this site - it has helped me alot just in the past 2 days. i can't believe i waited this long to find something like this.ever1 said:Hi Kat - I know what you mean about not being able to share feelings about going through treatments, etc., I get that same look - when people ask how I am doing. - It seems they just want to hear "fine or ok". After treatment, people expect the whole thing to be behind us & we should be back to normal since we are over the treatments. I read this board daily and find it very encouraging and supportive just knowing that others are going through the same feelings and adjustments. Everyone here has always been very understanding. I can post things here without worrying about people judging me & without feeling guilty about complaining about what seems like little things to others. Most people who haven't had cancer just don't understand. They try to but unless you have been though it - no one can imagine the ups & downs.
0 -
Hi Kat,
Just a thought. I'm at 10 months recovery from total masectomy followed by Taxotere combined with Adriamycin and Cytoxin. Then the 5 weeks of radiation. A month after I finished (June 1, 2005.) I started on the Tamoxifen. I was in so much pain, it was unbearable!. I do know most of my leg pain now from talking to other women on this site, is Taxol and Taxotere chemo side effects can really affect the nerve and bone pain in your legs. I still am going through that, but it's getting better with the pain.
I could not take an Aromatase inhibitor due to that pain. Tamoxifen and Arimidex are notorious for bone pain and scar tissue pain. You might want to ask about another Aromatse Inhibitor. I recently took Femara and it didn't hurt near as bad but then started waking up in the middle of the night with (all-over) pain. So, we are going to try Aromasin next.
The thing is when we are in pain, and I kept thinking that the nights I woke up with the pain, that I was going to die. Your mind doesn't think right. You don't feel good, your in pain and nobody understands how scared we really are!
On another note, like Kathi M. I read the article about the 92 year old grama who overcame her Ovarian cancer with Resveratrol. You can go to "Senior.ark" and read the story. She drank lots of Welchs dark grape juice which is high in Resveratrol and killed the cancer. I laugh now because myself Kathy R. and Kathi M. both went to the store and started drinking Welchs grape juice. HEY, whatever works right?
But, for now it seems you don't need to deal with as much pain as you do, so ask for something else. I also take an anti-anxiety med before bed (Xanax) because I was always waking up thinking I was going to die. It's a difficult fight but, WE FIGHT AND WE SURVIVE! And it is very hard on the "Care Givers". Nobody ever asks about how they are. And they go through a lot that people dismiss. It's a tough road but you CAN DO IT and so can your husband. We are all with you.
((HUGS HUGS))
Kathy R.0 -
i know what you mean about the caregivers - i had my surgery right after we got engaged & i know it was really hard on him. then he told me that after they wheeled my down to the operating room that my mom and my sister cried for a long time. i still feel guilty about that, even though i know i shouldn't.krkath said:Hi Kat,
Just a thought. I'm at 10 months recovery from total masectomy followed by Taxotere combined with Adriamycin and Cytoxin. Then the 5 weeks of radiation. A month after I finished (June 1, 2005.) I started on the Tamoxifen. I was in so much pain, it was unbearable!. I do know most of my leg pain now from talking to other women on this site, is Taxol and Taxotere chemo side effects can really affect the nerve and bone pain in your legs. I still am going through that, but it's getting better with the pain.
I could not take an Aromatase inhibitor due to that pain. Tamoxifen and Arimidex are notorious for bone pain and scar tissue pain. You might want to ask about another Aromatse Inhibitor. I recently took Femara and it didn't hurt near as bad but then started waking up in the middle of the night with (all-over) pain. So, we are going to try Aromasin next.
The thing is when we are in pain, and I kept thinking that the nights I woke up with the pain, that I was going to die. Your mind doesn't think right. You don't feel good, your in pain and nobody understands how scared we really are!
On another note, like Kathi M. I read the article about the 92 year old grama who overcame her Ovarian cancer with Resveratrol. You can go to "Senior.ark" and read the story. She drank lots of Welchs dark grape juice which is high in Resveratrol and killed the cancer. I laugh now because myself Kathy R. and Kathi M. both went to the store and started drinking Welchs grape juice. HEY, whatever works right?
But, for now it seems you don't need to deal with as much pain as you do, so ask for something else. I also take an anti-anxiety med before bed (Xanax) because I was always waking up thinking I was going to die. It's a difficult fight but, WE FIGHT AND WE SURVIVE! And it is very hard on the "Care Givers". Nobody ever asks about how they are. And they go through a lot that people dismiss. It's a tough road but you CAN DO IT and so can your husband. We are all with you.
((HUGS HUGS))
Kathy R.
you are so right about the pains and things. i also am having trouble with hot flashes - it seems the tamoxifen pushed me into menopause. i heard that black cohosh works for hot flashes, but i am afraid to take it because it has a warning on the label for breast cancer. i asked my gyno and he said i should be ok but i'm afraid to take the chance.
i have heard about grapes & grape juice - it's funny because i probably eat a pound or 2 of red & black grapes every day! i also heard that cauliflower, broccoli & tomato juice ward off cancer, so i have been having all of those almost every day as well! like you said, whatever works. :-) kat0 -
Kathy,krkath said:Hi Kat,
Just a thought. I'm at 10 months recovery from total masectomy followed by Taxotere combined with Adriamycin and Cytoxin. Then the 5 weeks of radiation. A month after I finished (June 1, 2005.) I started on the Tamoxifen. I was in so much pain, it was unbearable!. I do know most of my leg pain now from talking to other women on this site, is Taxol and Taxotere chemo side effects can really affect the nerve and bone pain in your legs. I still am going through that, but it's getting better with the pain.
I could not take an Aromatase inhibitor due to that pain. Tamoxifen and Arimidex are notorious for bone pain and scar tissue pain. You might want to ask about another Aromatse Inhibitor. I recently took Femara and it didn't hurt near as bad but then started waking up in the middle of the night with (all-over) pain. So, we are going to try Aromasin next.
The thing is when we are in pain, and I kept thinking that the nights I woke up with the pain, that I was going to die. Your mind doesn't think right. You don't feel good, your in pain and nobody understands how scared we really are!
On another note, like Kathi M. I read the article about the 92 year old grama who overcame her Ovarian cancer with Resveratrol. You can go to "Senior.ark" and read the story. She drank lots of Welchs dark grape juice which is high in Resveratrol and killed the cancer. I laugh now because myself Kathy R. and Kathi M. both went to the store and started drinking Welchs grape juice. HEY, whatever works right?
But, for now it seems you don't need to deal with as much pain as you do, so ask for something else. I also take an anti-anxiety med before bed (Xanax) because I was always waking up thinking I was going to die. It's a difficult fight but, WE FIGHT AND WE SURVIVE! And it is very hard on the "Care Givers". Nobody ever asks about how they are. And they go through a lot that people dismiss. It's a tough road but you CAN DO IT and so can your husband. We are all with you.
((HUGS HUGS))
Kathy R.
The new Reader's Digest even talks about the grape juice....but man, does it give my new colon (after bowel resection) a workout!!
hehehe
Hugs,
Kathi0 -
you're too funny :-) i also read that peanuts and red wine have Reservatol. only with the wine you have to watch cause of the alcohol. i eat red grapes - i can't have the sugar in the juice.KathiM said:Kathy,
The new Reader's Digest even talks about the grape juice....but man, does it give my new colon (after bowel resection) a workout!!
hehehe
Hugs,
Kathi0
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