I'm OK-just sad

jana11
jana11 Member Posts: 705
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
Hi everyone... thanks for all the concern!

I was discharged yesterday. They didn't cut any lung because ALL the lymph nodes they biopsied contained cancer. From the bottom to the top. Most lymph nodes appeared normal, but contained microscopic cancer inside.

The surgeon felt that any surgery would only give me risk and not benefit. After the results were in, he closed me up. Because of all the lymph nodes they removed - I had an air leak the persisted for several days.

I feel so sad. I can't believe I'm not a surgical candidate. I feel that my cancer is such a crafty opponent. None of the CT's showed the involvement. My surgeon and I hadn't even discussed this as a possibility. Sigh.

Anyhow. I am hanging in there. I will start chemo and radiation soon. I have an appt with my onc in 2 weeks. I am scared to not get treatment during this time... scared the cancer is growing!! AGH AGH AGH

So, I am OK. My back is killing me because the epidural disturbed a bit of spinal canal. I am on the big guns of meds. I will try to taper down in a few days.

Just wanted to let you know. I am OK. I still plan on beating all the odds, just feeling tired right now.

jana
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Comments

  • kangatoo
    kangatoo Member Posts: 2,105 Member
    #2
    Of course you plan on beating the odds gal!Never have I heard anything different from you and you have proved that you have the "intestinal fortitude" to battle on sweetie.
    (I could have said anal fortitude!) We are both sorry that your surgery could not improve things Jana. Jen and I were SO hoping that you could come home full of cheer. What words can we say Jana. Just know that we are here for you.
    Will you be able to come and meet us Jana. I am getting in some hugging practice here and need to give Jen a break.....so from now on I am saving the huggs for you sweetie.
    BELIEVE GAL...BELIEVE!
    Go and rest now...we are thinking of you always.
    luv(yah get tha huggs in 14+ days),
    Ross n Jen
  • spongebob
    spongebob Member Posts: 2,565 Member
    #3
    Rest now...

    Kick **** soon...

    Love ya, darlin' - keeping you in my prayers.
  • rthornton
    rthornton Member Posts: 346 Member
    #4
    I don't even know how to say how much we all support you ... no words seem strong enough to convey the sentiment. Just know that you have a fan club here at CSN that wishes you the best of the best.

    Take some time to rest -- you definitely deserve it. And plan to meet me for dinner five years from now, then ten years from now, then fifteen years, etc.

    Rodney
  • kerry
    kerry Member Posts: 1,313 Member
    #5
    Jana,

    You are in my prayers....I'll see you in a couple of weeks in Austin. Take care.

    Hugs,

    Kerry
  • shmurciakova
    shmurciakova Member Posts: 906 Member
    #6
    Hi Jana,
    I know I have not responded to any of your posts in a very long time, but I have been quietly watching and waiting and you have certainly been in my thoughts. Especially last Tuesday and in the days leading up to it. I know you were mentally prepared for this surgery, but maybe it just was not meant to be. I guess that is how you have to think of it. It did sound like a very big risk and in a way you must believe that your path does not include removal of such a large part of your lung. Just breathe and be thankful that you still have your lung and you can now focus on attacking this cancer from a different angle. I am so sorry for the emotional rollercoaster that you have been on for these many months. Please know that my prayers, thoughts, and best wishes are with you.
    Love,
    Susan H.
  • crazylady
    crazylady Member Posts: 543 Member
    #7
    Hi Jana,
    I'm so sorry that surgery was not an option. I'm sending positive vibes your way! Get some rest, I know that you will be ready soon to kick some cancer butt! I know that you will still beat the odds!
    Take care,
    Jamie
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #8
    Oh, jana, can you feel my arms around you????
    I am hugging you soooo tight, my love.
    You know, my cancer got zapped between the chemo and the radiation...I'm sending MY angel to help YOURS for the same result!
    PLEASE keep us posted...but just rest and regroup right now...
    HUGS,
    Kathi
  • terril
    terril Member Posts: 296
    #9
    Hang in there, Jana. My prayers and thoughts are with you!!! Terri
  • well
    well Member Posts: 26
    #10
    Jana, Jana, oh, Jana,

    I really don't have the words I need right now.

    Major hugs to you ((((Jana))))

    As you may know, I also woke up from surgery to find that the long list of things I'd expected never happened, because they "found too much cancer" and just closed me up.

    Hearing that you had to face that as well, well, I just can't express what I would try to say right now, Jana.

    Feel free to email me if you want to vent though, or if I can help in any way.
  • JADot
    JADot Member Posts: 709 Member
    #11
    Hi Jana:

    I am at a loss for words.

    Rest now, nurture your body and spirits, have a good cry if that helps. Then on some bright sunny Texas day I am sure you will find the strength to renew your fight again.

    Take good care and know that I am beaming healing waves to you (((((((((((((((Jana)))))))))))))).

    JADot
  • DK2006
    DK2006 Member Posts: 126
    #12
    Dear Jana,
    Words can't express the sorrow I feel about your news. (((hugs))). love, Donna
  • cherriann
    cherriann Member Posts: 155 Member
    #13
    jana,
    dont know your whole situation since im kinda new here but just want you to know i wish you many happy days to come. keep your chin up. you are in my thoughts and prayers, cherri
  • Kanort
    Kanort Member Posts: 1,272 Member
    #14
    Dear Jana,

    Yes, Jana, you will beat the odds and will write that book your MIL has suggested. Your oncologist has a plan and so do I. I will pray harder.

    Love,

    Kay
  • suezav
    suezav Member Posts: 42
    #15
    jana, i'm so sorry things did not work out the way you had hoped. it totally sucks but you will kill the beast in a different way. you certainly have many wonderful people here who love and care about you. i'm sending prayers and good wishes your way......susan
  • jana11
    jana11 Member Posts: 705
    #16
    suezav said:

    jana, i'm so sorry things did not work out the way you had hoped. it totally sucks but you will kill the beast in a different way. you certainly have many wonderful people here who love and care about you. i'm sending prayers and good wishes your way......susan

    Thank you all. I am feeling SOOOO much better today!! Whew. I was worried about my recovery, but I am getting back to my old self faster than I expected.

    jana
  • Betsydoglover
    Betsydoglover Member Posts: 1,248 Member
    #17
    Dear Jana -

    I am so sorry to hear this - you were so "up" for the surgery. But I know you'll be able to beat this in another way. Wishing you a speedy recovery from surgery so that you can start kicking this monster's **** again.

    Betsy
  • HowardJ
    HowardJ Member Posts: 474
    #18
    Jana,

    I just read your post. I think everyone else responded far better than I could have. My thoughts are with you.

    Best,

    Howard
  • jerseysue
    jerseysue Member Posts: 624 Member
    #19
    It's ok to be sad but make sure you keep fighting! My thoughts and prayers are with you.
  • Moesimo
    Moesimo Member Posts: 1,072 Member
    #20
    Jana,

    I am sending you a big hug. I wish you a speedy recovery so you can get back in the ring and fight.

    Maureen
  • pink05
    pink05 Member Posts: 550
    #21
    Hi Jana,

    I am fairly new to this site, but I have read many of your postings. I just want to encourage you to keep fighting this disease. You seem to be a very strong person. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

    God Bless,

    -Lee-

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