Mother's Metastatic BC to hip/back/bones

hollybop_00 · February 2006

Community this is a difficult situation, so I am seeking information- I have used this forum before with great results from the input from you. So here we go again, my mother's BC has spread and two years ago the doctor's discovered a tumor in her hip and she could not walk at all. But with her determination, doctors,a nd prayer she went from a wheelchair to being failrly mobile with a walker. Now she is declining and she was just released from the hospitial (or rather we insisted on her discharge- she is afraid of dying in the hospital and we (her adult children) do not want that either. The problem is she cannot walk and is now barely able to stand with the help of two people. So even going to the bathroom is a chore. Also she is weak, often expereinces confusion, poor appetite, adema in the legs, etc. She has been home for 2 days and we are at a loss as to how to manage her needs. We have hesitantly concluded she is in need of 24 hour care that we are in no position to have in the home- she has lived with me - her daughter since her initial diagnosis for support in her healing process. This, however, is beyond my capability even with family support. Having said all of that- we also know that hospice care is really the stage we have now entered after four arduous years of fighting this disease. Any suggestions on a good Hospice in the Philadelphia, PA area including the suburban areas? Thank you for listening and I appreciate your responses to this query. God bless you all in your fight.

Peace

epgnyc · February 2006

Peace,

I'm so sorry to hear that your mother's BC has advanced to the stage it has. From what you say, she put up a long and valiant fight. Unfortunately I have no personal knowledge of hospice care in PA, although you can call Hospice of Philadelphia, which is a branch of the Visiting Nurse Service of Philadelphia (215-473-0772). I'm sure you can also find other hospice groups if you go on-line and Google it. My mother died of lung cancer a number of years ago and she too wanted to be home during her final days. We moved her home and with the assistance of local hospice care (this was in upstate NY) she lived out her final 6 weeks surrounded by her family, friends and favorite belongings. I cannot say enough about hospice care. They were truly a Godsend to my mother and our entire family. Their gentle caring, knowledge and practical assistance made those last 6 weeks not only bearable, but gave us all many joyous moments with my mother. Good luck to you all.

tlmac · February 2006

So sorry to hear of your mother's condition. I just lost a close friend, only 47 when she lost her battle this past September. Her choice was residential hopsice. The rooms are private and the atmosphere is upbeat, nothing like the intensive care wing where she transferred from. They kept her comfortable at all times. There was no limit on the number of visitors or the hours you could come. He husband often went in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep. Her room included TV, VCR, and DVD for playing music 24X7 if desired. They even called us when her vitals began to decline so we could be there. Your mom's doctors should be able to refer you in your area. My prayers are with you.
terri

Ellison · February 2006

I can only imagine how hard this is for you all and your mother. It's been a long road for her but the love ane care you gave her and continue to give has made a big difference in her fight. Your such a loving family, I can tell. As I read the post, I can see you were given the info. you needed. My prayers ane thoughts will be with your mother and the family.

love
elli

inkblot · March 2006

I'm so sorry for all that your Mother, your family and yourself are going through.

It has been some years since I lost my father to cancer but I remember it all clearly. The choices are indeed difficult. My Father's wish was to remain at home yet everyone is different.

If your Mother has a preference and you can accommodate it, then that would be the first and likely best choice for her. In-home hospice works wonderfully well for many people and as epgnyc stated, it worked well for her Mother since she prefered to be home in her final days, surrounded by familiar things and people, as did my Father.

Residential hospice works wonderfully well for others, as tmalc's post confirms. I think it probably becomes far more difficult when the patient wants something different from what the family/caregivers want/need and are able to do. There is no easy path through this and what matters most is that your family can come together and try to accommodate your Mom's wishes as much as possible while working out with one another what's do-able. Perhaps in-home hospice may work well with family involvement and support?

I'd suggest a counseling session/meeting with an oncology social worker, involving your siblings and yourself as it may help everyone become better informed about the choices available in your area as well as what everyone can do to help make your Mother as comfortable as possible.

Life can seem so cruel. It's not enough to be losing someone we so love and cherish but we have so many decisions to make as well and it can all seem overwhelming.

I'm sure that the many local hospitals in Philly have oncology social workers available as a resource and they should be very knowledgeable about what hospice services are available, locations, etc. as well as helping your family find what's going to work out best.

Hospitals which come to mind are the University of Pa. Hospital, Fox Chase, Temple or even Cooper (in Camden)as they will have many resources available and can either refer you or help you directly. I'd ring their oncology departments as a starting point.

My thoughts are with you and please know that many of us here understand how very difficult and painful this is.

Love, light and laughter,
Ink

Mother's Metastatic BC to hip/back/bones

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