LONG-TERM SURVIVOR STRUGGLES

RunnerZ · January 2006

I am a seven year survivor of stage 3 rectal cancer, diagnosed at the age of 36. I went through the whole deal...chemoradiation, surgery and chemotherapy follow-up. I am thrilled to be here with my wife and 3 kids seven years later. But there are some things going on that I want to vent about. I am a prosecutor, a stressful job by any accounts. Dealing with criminals, other attorneys, courts and victims for 18-plus years is becoming extremely taxing. I have come to dread working on cases involving death (murders, etc.). The feelings and emotions are so raw and the atmosphere so very charged and combative in the courtroom. A part of me would very much like to do something else, or just have some time off to regain my mental balance. However, as a parent of 3 kids, I know that is not necessarily an option. While I am confident in my health, I know that I cetianly cannot count on living to 85 and enjoying retirement then. I need to be happy in the present (don't we all). When I returned to work from cancer, I swore that it would never stress me out again. Well, it has. Any thoughts out there?

CAMaura · January 2006

You sound like such a sound and compassionate thinker. I really applaud you for your sucess as a lawyer and as a huband, father and healthy survivor. The fact that you are accepting your job as borderline too-stressful is incredibly human. My thought is that with your current attitude, ideas will begin to surface for you; other areas of the law profession will present themselves and I am sure that one will strike a chord. it
Is so easy to become dissatisfied with one aspect of a profession and then damn the whole thing; but something drew you there in the first place. I would just think about altering the mix of how you use your vast foundation of knowledge. Hope this helps you feel a bit more comfortable with looking at change with a positive attitude. This might sound a bit trite, but when we have the intention for something, it usually presents itself because we are open to new possibilities; we notice more and we think in broader, more curious and expansive terms. All the best to you and thank you for such a heart-felt post - Maura

scouty · January 2006

Runner,

You always bring up some really important aspects of surviving cancer. I do not have any children so can not relate to your exact situation but I can tell you that I have decided to "downsize" and not go back to work I did quite well for 25 years. I am very lucky to be where I am today with my health after my stage iv dx 2 years ago. I also know in my heart that if I went back to work like I was, I WOULD get sick again and it would kill me for sure then.

I think it is a very individual decision weighing all the pros and cons of everything. I ended up with about 7 different pro and cons lists.

You are asking all the right questions and I am confident you will find your answers too!!!!!!

Lisa P.

JKendall · January 2006

Hey Runner...how about three weeks on the beach, in the mountains, AWAY from muder, death and dismemberment? Some quiet time (or new adventures if that suits your style better) to recharge. Talk to some of the other prosecutors in the office that you respect that have about the same amount of time in as you do. What have they done to minimize the stress?

Maybe a new assignment, how about prosecuting financial crimes for awhile? Scams o'plenty out there!

Maybe get away from government service and hang out your own shingle.

Check your email on this site. Instead of tying up this thread with a long-winded post I tied up your email.

Take care and good luck. Jimmy

kangatoo · January 2006

JKendall said:
Hey Runner...how about three weeks on the beach, in the mountains, AWAY from muder, death and dismemberment? Some quiet time (or new adventures if that suits your style better) to recharge. Talk to some of the other prosecutors in the office that you respect that have about the same amount of time in as you do. What have they done to minimize the stress?

Maybe a new assignment, how about prosecuting financial crimes for awhile? Scams o'plenty out there!

Maybe get away from government service and hang out your own shingle.

Check your email on this site. Instead of tying up this thread with a long-winded post I tied up your email.

Take care and good luck. Jimmy

Hiya Runner.You said it yourself, "I need to be happy in the present (don't we all)."
The others have mentioned the possibility of a change in occupation but in the same field...but I guess you are the one to have to decide what openings are there.Making tough decisions make the stress even worse. As an example;
Last year I REALLY,REALLY wanted to go across tha briny to meet all our friends at Vegas but I had to think carefully and weigh up the pros and cons.Many here know my reasons for not going and it was not just about the $$$$'s(it would cost in excess of $6,000 AUS) to do it. There were many other factors and much of it revolved around family and Jen. Our lifestyle allows us to spend time together(mostly motorcycling), especially me and Jen. That lifestyle also determines that there are priorities for TODAY and the future. My main concerns were that Jen would be able to continue on with her life in our current situation and be able to lead that same lifestyle without undue hardship...IF....I was not around.Jen wanted me to go to Vegas..even without her 'cos she knew I wanted desparately to meet our friends. I would not go without her because she is my life!Maybe down tha track circumstances will change to allow both of us to go to a reunion together.
I know this is not really similar to your problem Runner but I made the really hard choice that allows us to continue doing what we enjoy...left no doubt in my mind that my first priority was to "be happy in the present".....even tho there was a happy road I could have chosen(boy...did I want to go to Vegas!)
I chose what would make me happy, contented and also secure for the love of my life..Jen and her future happiness and security.
Ask yourself Runner....are you happy ...really?...are you contented?...is life enjoyable for you and your family? If not think the tough decisions which will make it so.
My anecdote as I say may be entirely different...but it highlights the things we need to ask in any situation.
cheers mate, Ross n Jen

fedester · January 2006

hi runner,
i know how you feel. i had stage 2 colon was out of work for 9 months. colon was blocked could have died. i went back to work. i work for walgreens drugs in nj have been there for 18 years. i very stressful job in the sense you could lose your job for not having enough stock or if customer calls corp over something trival. i too am very unhappy and i should be the happiest man on earth so far ned since 5/04. i have 2 kids son disabled 23 and daughter 18 going to school. and i too said it wouldn't stress me out and it has. i can't deal with petty things like a customer complaining we don't have 29 cent item that is advertised give me a break and i had to face the dragon. or my boss coming in and looking for dust. i would like to be happy in the present also because who knows what the future holds. i am sorry for venting hoping you find happiness in the present i know i need to also.

all the best
bruce

glimmerofhope · January 2006

I was in a fairly stressful job also, and I believe this contributed to my getting colon cancer.

If you are like most people that have faced cancer, you probably re-evaluated your priorities when you found out. Work probably became a distant second to family and friends. Then you got well and life started happening again.

It might be a good time to review the priorities you established when you found out you had cancer.

Like the guy told Bud Fox in the movie "Wall Street". "That's the thing about money....It makes you do things you don't want to do."

jana11 · January 2006

You are keeping yourself grounded by simply asking the question and challenging you career life. Keep everything in balance. You already learned career isn't much, but it allows all the other fun stuff.

We are there with you. You are doing such a great job - raising kids, surviving cancer, coming to this site to give others more hope.

Hang in there. Keep probing for the answers and try to keep yourself happy. (and if you figure it all out - please let me know.:))

Best of luck. jana

livin · January 2006

Hi Runner I kind of understand how you feel. I was a Nurse for 20 something years when I got my first bout with cancer. I was already stressed almost to the max when it occured. I stayed out of work about 5 months then went back. I was having stress just about everyday dealing with having had breast cancer and my Mother had a stroke one month after I was dx with the breast cancer. I stayed on the job from 2000 to 2001 (I had breast Cancer in 1999) then boom Colon Cancer 2001. I just quit I could not handle people dying anymore or the stress from my job (I had many hats being a nurse example Dr., lawyer, dietian plumber housekeeper, psych dr. etc to name a few. I knew at that time if I did not feel comfortable taking care of people anymore it was time for me to move on. I was even bringing my job home with me and was going in on some of my days off to do and catch up work. I had to let it go. Well it's been 5 years and now 3 cancers later had to get liver cancer(colon cancer that mets to liver) I have no regrets on leaving took a big pay decrease with the disability check but have more peace of mind even with the cancers reacurring. Believe me My job was killing me slowly. I know this is a hard decision to make since you have chidren. I don't have children just me and my husband. Livin.

Kaye2003 · January 2006

RunnerZ:
I can somewhat sympathize with you. My husband worked in law enforcement 33 years before he retired and the only jobs I've ever had have been in attorney's offices. I know you have seen the ugliest of the ugly.
I think it says a lot about the person you are, that your job is causing you stress. I can't begin to advise you on what to do. But I can tell you this:
About a year ago I contacted you by private email and you responded concerning my husbands situation. In Feb he will be NED for 2 years and every time he sees a doctor, has blood work, colonoscopy or CT Scan, I go back and read your email. So if you feel in any way like you are not helping someone, STOP thinking it. You have certainly touched my life and I'm sure many others here as well.
My only advise. PRAY and God will led you in the right direction.
Kaye

ron50 · January 2006

G'day Runner,
I guess I can understand your feelings ,as well as anyone here ,stage 3 ,8yrs survival and working up to 10 hrs a day sometimes 6 or seven days a week. I had christmas day and new year day off. I'd promised myself that I would no longer work myself to death after beating ca . Since then I have had pancreatitis ,gallbladder removal,ulcers so bad that they were initially diagnosed as stomache cancer,have just been diagnosed with another lot last week. I guess all these little adventures just become speed bumps in the road of life,so what are the options . Either we find a smoother road or beef up the suspension. I hope that your education and legal skills give you some smoother options and perhaps you can moove sideways into a less stressful field as for me I'm booked into the suspension shop next week. I've said it before Runner Be kind to yourself you deserve it G'luck mate Ron.

kangatoo · January 2006

ron50 said:
G'day Runner,
I guess I can understand your feelings ,as well as anyone here ,stage 3 ,8yrs survival and working up to 10 hrs a day sometimes 6 or seven days a week. I had christmas day and new year day off. I'd promised myself that I would no longer work myself to death after beating ca . Since then I have had pancreatitis ,gallbladder removal,ulcers so bad that they were initially diagnosed as stomache cancer,have just been diagnosed with another lot last week. I guess all these little adventures just become speed bumps in the road of life,so what are the options . Either we find a smoother road or beef up the suspension. I hope that your education and legal skills give you some smoother options and perhaps you can moove sideways into a less stressful field as for me I'm booked into the suspension shop next week. I've said it before Runner Be kind to yourself you deserve it G'luck mate Ron.

Oh so true Ron! Another thing I would like to add Runner is this. About 12 years ago Jen, myself and the kids were in a horrific car accident.3 impacts, the final one was a head-on---that pretty much did the damage. Fortunately the kids got out with minor injuries. I had broken ribs and other stuff but Jen was the worst off. They took 2 1/2 hours to cut her out of the car and although her injuries were not too bad the trauma caused some major problems in the ambulance with blood pressure and her breathing. While all this was happening I was waking up(I collapsed). Now the real scary bit! Because I new paramedic procedures I knew that the para's would never tell me if she had died in the smash...they would lie to a patient that they were treating for fear of over stressing a person(me) already in severe trauma. I never knew at the time if they were telling me the truth..I never would have believed them no matter what they said........nor would they let me see her as they cut her out.
This really happenned mate! The point I make is that ever since that day our lives really changed...trivial things that happen in ordinary day life do not seem to matter any more. It is the important things that one needs to concentrate on...wives, children, family...close friends. Very difficult to do but we too often live our lives without questioning priorities first.
Sorry for rambling too much mate.you and your immediate family are #1 priority. If someone else in business, at work, or in everyday life gives you a hard time that really is trivial or has no benefit, but only causes stress. Re-evaluate the benefits...if any...and if none, tell them to "build a bridge...and get over it".
Cos you don't need that hassle mate.
Hope you consider doing what is best for you and your family,
cheers, Ross and Jen

Unknown · January 2006

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HowardJ · January 2006

Runner,

I'm only at year 1 and can relate. It's interesting...since being diagnosed with cancer I've become more at ease with life and myself in many apects, however at work I have little patience for the stress that's ever present. Both are the opposite of my life before cancer. Not sure how to explain it but my tolerance for "crap" has diminished. Maybee it's because I am more at ease with the rest of my life that work stress seems to be more exagerated.

The others have given good advice and there are always options. It sounds like you're trying to deal with a lot and there may not be an easy answer. It may be best to think about what is most important to you, and develop your "plan" to answer that question.

Good luck!

Howard

livin · January 2006

Hi again Runner, still thinking about you. I hope you make the best decision for you and your family which I know is hard. Like some has said maybe you can go into another part of or profession with less stress. Please keep us in touch with your choice. As for me I have decided to try Pharmacy still in the medical profession, I have a pharmacy tech certificate(sp) less pay but maybe I can do this part time.

Moesimo · January 2006

I am a nurse and everyday I see people who I know won't get better. When I saw my onc. recently, she said it must be hard for you dealing with cancer patients. It is, but when I see a newbie, I sometimes share my story. People are amazed to hear that I had cancer and I got therough all the treatments.

I am having a hard time trying to move past this whole cancer thing. I think of it way too much. I think the first two years I was so sick it did not give me time to think about it the long term. I was in the fight for my survival and just wanted to make it to the next day. Now that I am 2 1/2 years past my surgery, I know I need to move on past my cancer. There is a clinic at Dana Farber for survivors. It is called the Lance Armsrong clinic. I made an appt. yesterday. I was asked, What are you looking for? I am not sure what I am looking for. The fear of the cancer coming back is always there. Yet when I see patients at work and talk to others on this site I feel guilty for feeling bad for myself. I know there are so many out there that have it way worse than me. I think of so many on this site and pray that they will be cured.

That's just my 2 cents worth.

maureen

nanuk · January 2006

As a 5+ year survivor, with no family to speak of,
I can only emphasize what took me many years to realize; Family is really all there is..examine your options, which are many, and choose what best serves your sanity and family. God won't ask how many criminals you prosecuted. Bud

LONG-TERM SURVIVOR STRUGGLES

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