tamoxifen: I need help understanding

timlou
timlou Member Posts: 60
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
In February 2003 I thought I was losing my daughter to breast cancer. Just the diagnosis put me in shock. She had surgery in Feb. to remove two tumors from her left breast. She is estrogen positive and went through the treatment of AC/T. She has now been on tamoxifen for one year and I feel as though I have lost her again. She is so moody and her personality has completely disappeared my 32 year old daughter so full of life has turned into a bitter old women right before my eyes, she hates everything. I cannot engage her in conversation she finds no happiness in anything, this despite being put on two different antidepressents. Her husband is scared too, as we are her only support and we are not doing a very good job right now. Is tamoxifen than evil? Will we ever get our beautiful Jennepher back? I will truly appreciate any thought on this subject. I need all of you right now, please help me. Louise in Florida with a daughter in Niagara Falls who is disappearing.

Comments

  • alta29
    alta29 Member Posts: 435 Member
    #2
    Now is my turn to respond. Like tou just read, I have been Dx twice this year for 2 differents kinds of cancer. It has not ben good at all....When I was Dx 3 weeks ago with breast cancer I thought this was going to be the end. My onco told me, lets pray that is breast cancer instead of colon cancer spread to your breast. And thanks God is was breast. I believe that God gave me a second chance.....a reminder....Does uour daugther goes to church...it really helps not to only go, but to get involved....Something else that I do is to read positive things, I do not watch the news...i do not watch Lifetime tv, i do not read all the messages on this board, I started volunteering at the SPCA, at church...I try to be nice everyday to people...say hi...how are you ?....and I have a wonderful husband....Do I have bads days ??? Oh YES !!but if I start feeling bad, i would call my husband and he will ALWAYS tell me that I am going to be ok...and I believe him....she needs to believes in something..weather is her Dr., diets, meditation, visualization and of course she has to believe in God....
    Good luck and God bless you all....
  • cruf
    cruf Member Posts: 908
    #3
    Hi Louise! I am not an MD so what I'm going to say is just my thoughts. She has been thru a really tough and scarey time. The dx. of Breast Cancer is terrible. She has had surgery, then chemicals put into her body. I'm sure she had times when she felt sick. Then she's put on a medication that blocks estrogen. It often puts your body into menapause whether it's permenent or temporary it plays havoc with moods etc... You mentioned she's been on a few different antidepressents. Has she had any support from others outside of the family? If not, she needs to either get some counseling to vent her fears or a support group where she can speak with others who have been thru similiar experiences. No, you're not losing her but she needs support from others not so near and dear to her. She's too emotionally involved with you and her husband and doesn't want to hurt you any more than you already are.She can ask her MD for a referral or call the local ACS and I'm sure they can guide her in the right direction. Be there for her and let her know you love her and are there if she wants to open up. Hopefully, with time and a little help from outside, things will turn around. Good luck! Please stay in touch and let us know how she's doing. Maybe you can encourage her to come onto this website. It's an amazing group of people who have amazing knowledge and support. I've been here for 5+ years . This has been my therapy and it's an amazing experience. HUGS!! Cathy
  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398 Member
    #4
    Your daughter is very lucky to have you and the husband around to care and love her. Unfortunately once diagnosed the fears are overwhelming and we tend to spare those around us that we love. If we were to share our darkest moments and fears that would be hurting the ones we love we sometimes think. I think mostly though it is because we don't know what to think ourselves and the weight of the world is on us. Everyone wants us to be so positive but is it truly real? I had a friend ask me one day how I was feeling and I had had a bad day and was tired of lying to everyone about it. So I actually was ready to tell him how I truly felt and when I began he put his hand up to stop me and said he didn't want to hear anything negative. Well, sometimes being honest means it isn't always positive and can be very dark. Finding happiness takes time when everything has changed and nothing is the same. It took me years to find that life to live because there was so much that was wrong from treatments. I hope your daughter isn't suffering in pain because that can be truly debilitating.
    Tara
  • Future
    Future Member Posts: 133 Member
    #5
    It's often hard to know if the medication or the diagnosis is contibuting to the behavior. I know I have my husband come to some of my appointments to give his perspective of what he sees. Don't know how long your daughter took them, but some of the antidepressants take awhile to kick in. I admit I struggle to maintain a positive attitude, friends tell me they didn't realize how bad they felt until they finished the tamoxifen, I have 3 more years to go. Letting your daughter know you love her and maintaining contact is important. Encourage her to talk to her doctor and if she isn't using this website tell her about it. You're in my prayers.
  • epgnyc
    epgnyc Member Posts: 137
    #6
    I agree with others here - your daughter has been through a really tough time. And she's so young! I think that makes a big difference in this disease. I was diagnosed at the age of 54 and while this is not old, it's a far cry from being in my early 30's. I didn't have to worry so much about the devastation to my appearance (which would have been a big issue if I'd been your daughter's age), issues of fertility or desirability. As a survivor of breast cancer, I don't think one is ever the same. You can be great, but not the same great you were prior to diagnosis. The disease and its treatment takes a real physical and emotional toll and it can takes lots of time to learn to live happily with the new person you've become. A year after treatment is not long in the saga of breast cancer survivorship. I'm glad your daughter has tried anti-depressants as they can be useful. There are many of them out there and she may need to try still another one to find the one that works. I tried one that didn't help at all, and the second one for me was a true miracle. I would also encourage her to seek out a breast cancer support group or individual therapy with someone from the American Cancer Society or a therapist who can address her specific issues. She is so lucky to have a loving and concerned mother and husband - that counts for alot. Lastly, the tamoxifen could be a contributing factor. Not everyone reacts the same to these powerful drugs. I have one friend who hasn't had a single side effect, another who is plagued with them and still a third who was so adversely affected that she made the difficult decision to go off Tamoxifen after almost 2 years (she'd also tried Arimidex and Femara). Her feeling was that a decent quality of life was more important to her than those few percentage points of improved recurrence odds. Anyway, I hope that your daughter will find her way through her current depressed state. It's a difficult journey but one that can be made successfully. Good luck to you all.
  • kcronley
    kcronley Member Posts: 3
    #7
    epgnyc said:

    I agree with others here - your daughter has been through a really tough time. And she's so young! I think that makes a big difference in this disease. I was diagnosed at the age of 54 and while this is not old, it's a far cry from being in my early 30's. I didn't have to worry so much about the devastation to my appearance (which would have been a big issue if I'd been your daughter's age), issues of fertility or desirability. As a survivor of breast cancer, I don't think one is ever the same. You can be great, but not the same great you were prior to diagnosis. The disease and its treatment takes a real physical and emotional toll and it can takes lots of time to learn to live happily with the new person you've become. A year after treatment is not long in the saga of breast cancer survivorship. I'm glad your daughter has tried anti-depressants as they can be useful. There are many of them out there and she may need to try still another one to find the one that works. I tried one that didn't help at all, and the second one for me was a true miracle. I would also encourage her to seek out a breast cancer support group or individual therapy with someone from the American Cancer Society or a therapist who can address her specific issues. She is so lucky to have a loving and concerned mother and husband - that counts for alot. Lastly, the tamoxifen could be a contributing factor. Not everyone reacts the same to these powerful drugs. I have one friend who hasn't had a single side effect, another who is plagued with them and still a third who was so adversely affected that she made the difficult decision to go off Tamoxifen after almost 2 years (she'd also tried Arimidex and Femara). Her feeling was that a decent quality of life was more important to her than those few percentage points of improved recurrence odds. Anyway, I hope that your daughter will find her way through her current depressed state. It's a difficult journey but one that can be made successfully. Good luck to you all.

    I understand some of what your daughter is going thru. I was young and premenapausal when I was put on Tamoxifen. I called it the hell drug. I made it thru chemo and I thought the worst was over. Tamoxifen wreaked havoc. I had severe depression, hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, bloating and memory loss to just name a few. I was told since I was young and had not gone thru menopause was the reason I had so many symptoms. Eventually, I got help thru a research program. I'm not sure if they are still doing this... but this is the miracle that helped me. I took 1 prozac and 1 ridlin (sp? the drug used on children for hyperactivity. works the opposite in adults and gives energy)in the morning and in the late afternoon I took another ridlin. My energy level improved, my memory and depression and other symptom greatly improved. I felt like I had some power back. Also, I agree with others. I was also involved in a support group and individual counseling, which also helped. I wish you and daughter many blessings.

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