Bad Week at Work

Betsydoglover · December 2005

Hi all - just venting!

I think I have handled things really well since my Stage IV diagnosis in late May 2005. I seem to be going on with life and mostly managing to be relatively upbeat.

BUT, I find I have seriously reduced tolerance for what some might indelicately term "bull ****"! This was a horrible week at work - otherwise intelligent people arguing about very petty project related things, assuming things can be accomplished with no time and no staff and then making the kinds of stupid decisions that seem way below their normal IQ levels.

Usually I just let this junk roll off my back and keep on going. But Wednesday I had a major meltdown at work. Told some people I didn't know how much longer I had to live and that I was pretty darn sure I didn't want to live the remaining time this way. Shocked some of them so much that I ended up feeling sorry for them (my maternal guilt kicking in I am sure).

I felt better the next day, but am I alone or do any of you all ever feel that the petty trivia that passes for important is really hard to take when you realize how serious things can really get?

Sorry for just blowing off steam, but I needed to do it!

Betsy

Moesimo · December 2005

I think I know what you are going through. I think that once you are told you have cancer, life is very different. When I was first diagnosed the treatments and surgeries consumed my life and I was scared to death of my survival. I sort of took on a new motto, "Don't sweat the small stuff."

Now that my treatments are over, I still worry about my survival and I feel like many close to me have moved on and I still think that I haven't won the battle yet. I will never look at life the same way.

I sometimes wonder how people can be so petty.

You have been through so much, as we all have and the future for all of us is different than before our cancer diagnosis. For a very long time I functioned very normal to many people, but when I was alone I had many a good cries. I cried daily in the shower and would often get up during the night for a good cry. It is all something I cannot explain.

I feel like I am rambling now, so I will close.

Moe

PS you can come and vent here anytime.

HowardJ · December 2005

I know what you mean. While in some parts of my life I'm much more at ease with life and myself since being diagnosed, at work it's difficult to deal with the BS and petty issues which seem to arise continuously and are so time consuming.

Not bad, pulling the "cancer card"!

Howard

taraHK · December 2005

I know exactly what you mean. This has been my experience, too. I have less tolerance for BS, and I am able to let lots of little stuff just go by that previously would have occupied mental energy. I consider this a blessing side effect of my diagnosis. I wouldn't worry about your 'meltdown' at work -- probably not a bad thing for them or for you. But if you feel like the work garbage is really getting to you, or you are getting too stressed/upset about it all, would you want to consider the possibilty of counselling or something like that (I did this, after I finished tx last time, and it was helpful for me...).
Tara

CAMaura · December 2005

Hi Betsy -- You certainly bring up a great discussion. I guess my first thought is that it is important to separate your frustration with their behavior from your frustration with your own health-related concerns. I think we need to be careful and specific about what is making us unhappy. I would call them on their behavior or management techniques, but I might weigh how I bring cancer into things.
To be honest, every person has something going on in their life -- and the fact that I have cancer does not make me more important or make me any more graceful in how I handle things. And, as much I would hope it were different, I have yet to meet anyone with cancer who does not still fall prey to petty thoughts and/or actions. Your meltdown was normal; but there is a chance that it wasn't any more productive than their ways of working -- or venting.
Here is a little round-robin example (or ramble) from my workplace: I go back after a year off (and still too soon) and I am (at least for the first month or two ) tired mentally and physically, so I am, at times, snappy; I am given back responsibility/power that my colleagues assumed for a year, so they feel slighted and are, at times, a little snappy; one of my bosses breaks up with his girlfriend and he is -- you got it -- a little snappy. No one is really right or wrong; we are all collaborating for the same end.......and my cranky behavior is really no more or less important than theirs; we are merely being incredibly human.
I think it is easy for us to, in our minds, falsely elevate our behavior in the name of cancer and I do not think it is fruitful. You might think I am 'full of it" and that is okay. I am just giving you my take on it....but only after I have had some time to look back at how I handle things as well as my colleagues. Just food for thought -- after my own past (and I am sure future) rants and vents. Having compassion for others (especially when they are frustrating the hell out of us) is key -- 'cuz God knows we really appreciate and need it coming our way. All the best and good thoughts for a great weekend -- Maura

2bhealed · December 2005

hi Betsy,

Good for you!!

Absolutely my tolerance dwindled--I cut out toxic people and now I have gotten pretty good at identifying them at the get-go and avoiding them from the beginning. Fortunately I do not have to be in a workplace environment.

And yes, the petty trivia vs. serious business of life is common I think. I think that's why those of us with cancer often end up saying it gave us the ability to embrace and relish life more. We just tend to avoid petty people when at all possible.

Life Is Good!

peace, emily who has had her share of meltdowns! :-)

kerry · December 2005

Oh Betsy,

As I read your post I saw so much of my life flash before my eyes. I have told people endlessly how this disease teaches us to take a day at a time, to priortize what is important in our life and then to live it to the fullest! There is so much "bull ****" that we have to weed through and I don't wish this disease on anyone, but those who have not experienced the phrase from their doctor...."You have cancer"....just don't get it....and won't get it until they GET it!

This is just the best site for help and let us help you...

My best to you,

Kerry

PhillieG · December 2005

Great post Betsy! You get a new normal and a new perspective when you have cancer. I agree, don't sweat the small stuff. I just sort of chuckle to myself sometimes when people at work think something is so important.
You sound like you work where I work!

Betsydoglover · December 2005

Thanks all for your support and good suggestions. I really appreciate it.

Betsy

fredrick55 · December 2005

Betsy I understand your frustration, I too have stage 4 colon cancer, but remember this.... you can look at how some people get hung up on trivial things especially at work and easily say to yourself " you have no idea what a real problem is". It's easy to put yourself on a pedestal and with what you have to deal with you should be on a pedstal, but perhaps I can offer a different point of view. Your life has more meaning, you enjoy the simple pleasures that our creator has made just for you. You cherish relationships more and have a deeper capacity for pain and joy. You can look at a situation that most people would consider a problem and see the situation through different eyes. You can chuckle at their narrow point of view and feel sorry for the rat race they are a part of. Isn't it good to be you? And aren't you glad that you are not them? I own a construction business and have to deal with people that get so hung up on a petty thing like a door closing a little harder that the rest of the doors in their house. At first I wanted to point out that I was dealing with a much more serious problem than a door not closing right but now I just ignore them and don't acknowledge their idiotic behavior. And we all need a melt down once in awhile.

kangatoo · December 2005

PhillieG said:
Great post Betsy! You get a new normal and a new perspective when you have cancer. I agree, don't sweat the small stuff. I just sort of chuckle to myself sometimes when people at work think something is so important.
You sound like you work where I work!

About 15 years ago Jen and I and 3 kids had a headon car smash, really bad! We were all injured and the car was totalled but the worst part of it was knowing that my dear Jen was trapped in the car while I was in the ambulance waiting to be taken to hospital. At that time the paramedics told me she was alive but being "cut" out of the car.
I did not know if they were lying to me.....you see they would never had told me she died...that they do not tell another injured person, especially husbands that are already in shock.
My point here is that from that accident "our" lives changed dramatically. The fear of losing each other made us realise that life is too short and we need to savour every moment...there is no time to deal with trivia or BS. For us something has to be worthy of an argument, I mean really worthy..or it gets swept aside. Other people in my mind have their own issues "and" their own opinions. I respect their choice to contest a point of view......I just don't hang around to argue if I don't see a usefull point to it.
Cancer pretty much reaffirmed my position on trivia and BS. I have better, more productive things to do than waste time arguing about very trivial stuff.....like spending time here with you guys...'cos this is what I call, "productive!"cheers, Ross n Jen

Bad Week at Work

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