Careers after cancer & a dash of FURY

weazylou
weazylou Member Posts: 5
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I started this evening off searching the web for career help for survivors and ending up here. This is my first time on a cancer chat site (I usually make it a point to avoid talking about my disease or initiating contact with other survivors) and I feel tears and a rant coming on...

I am a 25 year-old Harvard Law student and I just called the career services office to ask them how to write a resume and here is how the conversation went:

ME: Hi, I have a quick question-- (ha) I have some big gaps in my educational/employment history and I don't know how to explain them
THEM: Well, what were you doing?
ME: It is kinda personal
THEM: To help you I have to know
ME: Okay, well in 2001 I dropped out of college for chemo and then had to defer enrollment in 2002 to finish a surgery, then in 2003 I had a recurrence my first year of law school and dropped out so I could do chemo AGAIN. I tried to come back the next year, 2004, but my mastectomy hadn't healed and so I ended up in the hospital with a staph infection for 2 wks in the beginning of classes. So I decided to spend 2004-2005 finishing reconstruction, and that took 5 surgeries. But I am back now!
THEM: You can't tell future employers that, at least not on a resume. Maybe if they ask at an interview but you get invited to interviews based on your resume, so…
ME: Right. But who is going to invite me to interview with a BIG BLANK resume
THEM: I know, its tough. But there isn't anything you can do. Do you have any family friends who work at big firms? Maybe they can help. You are really lucky to be here though! That is a big accomplishment in and of itself honey.

Now I know that I will be able to get a job, of course. And I know that I should be grateful to have survived, and that I made it to Harvard. But I worked for those things; I busted my **** and I deserve them.

It just makes me so jealous/furious/sad to see that all of my classmates have the opportunity to be proud of what they did over the last few years and I cannot mention what I was doing. My last 4 years gets whited out- it’s kept off my "official record" because it makes people uncomfortable. Well guess what? It makes me uncomfortable too.

I wanted to scream at the poor career-counseling lady, "That time wasn't empty! It was full of stuff... stuff that lets you know who I am if you cared enough to let me tell you." I learned how to sob silently in the bathroom so that you don't wake up your heartbroken father. I learned how to apply contact lenses without eye lashes (trickier than it sounds). I learned how people treat you when you look sick, and how infuriating our society's obsession with beauty is. I learned that I am tough as nails and I can handle anything. And when I was told that I had less than a 30% chance of surviving I learned that I loved my family more than I loved myself because my first thought was "Poor Mom" and my second thought was "I will accept my fate and not cause her an ounce more pain than she needs to feel."

But I don't get to talk about that. I have to look lazier and less accomplished that my classmates. Like my life has less texture, as if.

How about this for a Resume?
Eye brow/eye lash pencil, creative developer
Used creative problem solving to create the appearance of health. Was not deterred when first few attempts left me looking like demented kabuki theater transvestite.

Okay, I think I am starting to sound like a crazy person, so I'll stop ranting to strangers. (There are tearstains all over my laptop) It is just really hard. After cancer, I half expected my friends to have had there lives frozen in time along with mine, but they all have moved on to their careers and/or families (very inconsiderate of them, I think) I wouldn’t mind having to be behind everyone one, but to be behind and at a disadvantage for what I went through is almost too much to handle. I just feel like cancer took so much from me that I have made a point of noticing all of the things I gained from a learned from the experience. I don't like having those lessons swept under the rug; it belittles what I went through.

Sorry for the hysterics,

"Nippless in Cambridge"

Comments

  • 24242
    24242 Member Posts: 1,398 Member
    #2
    I am sorry you have to deal with so much at such a young age. Yes you have worked your butt off and accomplished allot in your young life. That you should be proud of and hang onto. Maybe you need to think of what your experiences can do to further your career, it doesn't have to be limiting. I am sure you have learned allot about the medical community and services and could find somewhere you are needed.
    I too have had a problem with work since I was in Manufacturing since I was 15 and it was all I knew how to do but realized that maybe it was truly part of the problem. Whatever it was I was doing prior to my diagnosis wasn't working, hence cancer.
    I am doing things I have never done trying to find work that I will be able to do to make money the rest of my life. Hopefully also work half the time if that is possible. I have found that after 8 years of survival that life can actually be better than it was before, something I never thought possible.
    Some advice I was given by career councilor is you don't have to tell them about your cancer and sometimes just saying things like having had surgery for "Woman problems" often stops any further discussion about it. You don't have to tell all, for it is personal. IT is how you write or say it that will get them to move along in the interview, for they don't want to be embarassed.
    Hang in there and know that your hard work will be put to use and you will find something you can be happy doing. Often finding our passion can help change the coarse of our lives.
    Be good to yourself always,
    Tara
  • Idalia
    Idalia Member Posts: 76
    #3
    Dear Weazy, no one can make you feel uncomfortable or ashamed of your past unless you let them. There is nothing strange about gaps in a resume. Many people take time off from school to earn money, raise kids, backpack thru Europe, etc. You have a right to be proud of what you learned in Harvard and the chemo room, but choose the time and place to brag. We are stronger for what we have been through, but nobody aspires to get cancer! A resume leaves out a lot of information - it is suppose to get your foot in the door. Once you are in, you can dazzle them with how wonderful you are. Good luck. (by the way, I have been putting in contacts without lashes on and off for three years. Haven't noticed any difference!)
  • weazylou
    weazylou Member Posts: 5
    #4
    Idalia said:

    Dear Weazy, no one can make you feel uncomfortable or ashamed of your past unless you let them. There is nothing strange about gaps in a resume. Many people take time off from school to earn money, raise kids, backpack thru Europe, etc. You have a right to be proud of what you learned in Harvard and the chemo room, but choose the time and place to brag. We are stronger for what we have been through, but nobody aspires to get cancer! A resume leaves out a lot of information - it is suppose to get your foot in the door. Once you are in, you can dazzle them with how wonderful you are. Good luck. (by the way, I have been putting in contacts without lashes on and off for three years. Haven't noticed any difference!)

    Thanks for the kind words. I know that I will be fine and I didn't intend to imply that I should get "credit" for what I have been through. But in fairness, if I had worked to save money for school (and I did/am) or if I had traveled I would be allowed to talk about it. It isn't really that I feel ashamed per se, it is just that I feel silenced and the whole conversation with that lady just sort of reminded me of the time I feel like I lost. In some ways I feel like I grew up a lot because of my disease, but in other ways I just feel like it suspended me in time. My friends are at the age when they are getting married and moving ahead in their careers and that is hard for me to see. I taught the LSAT for a while (that is the law school admissions test) and some of my students ended up at Harvard with me. They are now my upper classmates and my "superiors" on journals and other activities here. A 1st year law student is called a "1L" and I have now been a 1L with all three years here at school and it has become sort of a running joke at the school (not in a mean way, but in a playful way)
    I don't think it would be such an issue if I was a little older when it happened, but this is sort of an important time-- when my peers transitioned into adulthood. I feel kind of left behind.

    I think I am going to try an locate female lawyers who survived breast cancer at firms. Maybe if I contact them directly and mention what happened they can at least let me get to the interview stage or look at my transcripts (I am a pretty good student)

    I don't want to brag about beating this ugly thing, I just don't want to be penalized.
  • Divan
    Divan Member Posts: 1
    #5
    Dear Weazy,
    I am new to this site and am reading postings both old and new.
    I got to yours and even I have an established career and am 48, I felt a lot like you did. I felt that I was getting passed over for a lot of things at my work, despite my working between 10-14 hrs per day until one week before my last treatment. Than I hit the wall. Anyway,just my presence, my wig,and my exhaustion made people want to stay away...and if I was the least bit of a sour mood, I really had the plague.I felt like the sick little kid watching his friends from his window playing outside, as I watched their lives go on and mine at a stand still.Yes, I was jealous and sometimes bitter. I just I wanted to yell at them all because they had no idea how hard it was to get up and come in every day, no idea how proud of myself I had became. I also learned how people treat you when you are sick and how they look at you when you look and feel uglier than sin.I would like to see how some of those people could handle it. Heck, most people can't even relate to a portion of what we have been through.You shouldn't have to sweep this under the rug. You should be proud of yourself..cancer is harder than any school!
    I think that I would have screamed at your counselor as well. She didn't seem to give you much encouragement. Can you try putting
    "family medical leave " on you resume too explain the gap? Then when you get the interview...touch on your experience to show how it has bettered you as a person and made you all that much more determined. Or take a chance and tell the truth on a few of them . Do a cover letter and explain that this experience has made you twice as strong and more determined than you have ever been.
    I am lucky in the way that at least my boss admired me for my determination and courage. She respects me more now.
    I know that I am old and have been out of the job seeking process for quite sometime, but thought you could use a pep talk. Since I could relate to so much of how you were feeling.I don't if any of my ideas were worth considering, but I hope that they were at least encouraging.
    Good luck with you job seeking and your resume. Remember to keep your head held high...You are a Harvard student, determined, courageous and most of all, you are a survivor!
    Take Care, Luckydi

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