Living in fear

Hi Benita, I have answered your previous postings before. you also have answered mine You as I remember have the same type as me which is the Splenic marginal zone. I am still in remission after 2years and 6 months. My Dr, tells me the same . could come back next week, next year or never. Just have to keep watching.but also trying not to dwell on it too much. It is hard not to worry. I had a scare 3 months ago. Another problem but they assure me that it is nothing to do with the lymphoma So lucky me I now have 2 problems to deal with.I get anxious also and it has put a hold on my life. Professor tells me to do the things that I intended to do as maybe I will never have problems and if I do there are lots of treatments coming up. I hope that you continue to keep well and I expect your children keep you going. Best of luck. Incidently , I am Australian and live on the outskirts of Sydney.

benita said:

Thank you. It's helpful to know others deal with this anxiety, too. I am truly thankful to be alive. It's just difficult dealing with the anxiety and always wondering if and when it's going to return. I would like to be offered a cure, you know? I do have great faith in God and he is my strength always. Thank you again for your kind thoughts.

Hello all, I am 23 and am in my 1st month of remission from NHL. I am still trying to grasp the idea of what just happened to me - this whole cancer experience, chemo, everything, and I'm very afraid to celebrate and say it's over because Im afraid it might come back. I'm glad to hear you too have anxiety and fear about it - I think it's a normal reaction for us. We've gone through something so hard and there's no assurance that we won't have to do it again. But I think there's no point in dwelling on it - go on about your life like it's over and if it comes back, you cross that bridge when you get there. Its hard but thats what Im striving to do!

Hi benita, you expressed exactly my feelings, my fear has turned to anger. I was diangnosed with NHL Level IV with a shoulder tumor. I had CHOP and rituxen and remission for 3 1/2 yrs. and now 2 yrs. of rituxen every 3 months. Last one this month. Anyway, i feel terrific besides being thinner. I am so anxious about its return. i just turned 60 and very solitary and have been so thankful each day, my life is much richer in many ways because i appreciate it so much and feel spiritual strength and much love. My oncologist, says luck is a factor.

You MUST get rid of the fear. I’m a sixty year old man who was diagnosed with stage-four B cell lymphoma in March 20005. Seventy–eight days later and after fifteen treatments with chemo, I had a clear PET/CT scan. It is now November 2005 and I’ve had two more clear ones since. The doctor has not declared me in remission but I declared it for myself. I attribute my successful treatment to several things.

In order of importance:

God. (I’m not much of a church go-er but I have a strong faith. I never prayed for a healing, just the ability to deal with it. I felt in my heart that I should accept the illness and trust Him. How else can one go from stage four to no sign of cancer in seventy-eight days without God having something to do with it?)
Prayers from others. No doubt in my mind that God responded to their prayers)
My positive attitude. (I have no fear of the illness, or even of death if it came to that.
A loving family and good friends. (When I spoke of a want or need, they tripped over one another to accommodate me and being a guy, I milked it as much as possible heh-heh)
Chemotherapy. (It kicked cancer butt; unfortunately, it kicked my butt too)
My oncologist, whom I trusted fully. (even though I didn’t always understand much of the terminology or treatment regimen nor did I care to. I just wanted to get well)
My job, that I wanted to get back to. (I work at Walt Disney World – how cool is that?)
I go places on my “good days”. (There have been plenty of them)
I don’t worry about it coming back. (I will deal with it if and when it happens)

I’m still recovering from the butt kicking chemo. You know, the peripheral neuropathy, fatigue, weakness, etc. but my family doctor says I can return to work in February. That’s o.k. since I haven’t had any time off during the holidays to spend with my family for about eight years. The best advice I could give anyone is to trust God and maintain a sense of humor. Good luck to you in the future, may God bless you with a long life.

Sincerely,
Larry Drury
Orlando, Florida

Hi Benita,
I had NHL stage 4
Hi Benita,
I had NHL stage 4 DXd in 2000, underwent a resection followed by R-CHOP Chemo and was declared Cured after 5 years. I too worried all the time in between check ups and fretted every little symptom, I thought all that worry was for no good reason, and just me me look like a whiner.
Then, in May, 2008, I went to my PCP and complained about a sore spot and small lump in my intestine, and found that the Cancer had recurred. My vigilance to my body payed off in that the cancer was found at Stage 2 which allowed me certain better options. Large B Cell NHL is a very rapidly growing cancer so it's important to keep a jaundiced eye towards your symptoms, even seemingly trivial ones that can be explained by other problems.
I wound up doing a BMT after Chemo this time and am recovering very well, still worried, but doing very well. I'm again NED, and there is no indication of anything other than normal issues with colds, etc. The "Chances" of another recurrance are greatly diminished as a result of the BMT, but no one can say for sure, forewarned is forearmed as the old adage goes, and so the beat goes on.
I'm not trying to alarm you with the possibility of a recurrance in your case, but remaining alert to the possibility is something you should and most likely Will continue to do for the rest of your life.

DennisR