CT results
More of this terrible waiting game continues!!!! YUCK.
My update isn't bad.... but it isn't good either. I just wish I could have a perfectly normal scan. OK, I just wish I never had cancer, or that I could be guaranteed a cure, or lots of other things. But I will take what I get, which is 2 months of waiting.
jana
Comments
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Hey Jana...well crap! Go ahead and say it, it's okay. It's kinda like getting called to the principal's office without being told why, and your knees are shaking, your palms are sweating, and the butterflies in your stomach are flittering just behind your tonsils. And you still don't know if you're in trouble, or about to get an award for perfect attendence.
Stay focused on the fact that it's NOT bad news, the doctor's not scheduling further tests immediately...that's a good sign.
I'm with you though...the waiting is incredibly hard. I wish every day for lots of the same things; mostly that this invader would just leave my wife alone. Stay strong! Jimmy0 -
Dear Jana,
I am sorry to hear that the the CT scan wasn't perfectly clear -- but hope you are able to take some solace in the fact that the spots are very tiny and could well be ("most likely"!) inflammation. I know myself that CT scans can show up stuff which ends up to be nothing -- I had some scar tissue which caused concern and ended up nothing. Except causing me a near heart attack! The next 2 months are gonna be tough -- we will be right beside you.
Tara0 -
thank you all for the quick responses. I have to say, when I feel down I come here often to read the posts. Thank you all so much!!! janaMoesimo said:I have to asgree with you when you said, i wish I never had cancer. I think that way tooo often. this is such a terrible disease.
I hope you hear better news in 2 mos. Maureen0 -
Jana,
I wish your news had been better, but am glad it's not worse. The waiting game is such an anxiety producing game. I'm sure your love of yoga (as well as your other strengths) will provide you with the courage to get through the next 2 months. Actually your message itself shows your strength since you are able to see the "not bad" news in the cat scan report.
I have to say, Jimmy sure did nail that description of the the waiting game with his description of being called to the principal's office (not that i was ever called to the principal's office;-).
Hang in there!
Mary0 -
Mary.....I admit it..I was called to the principals office and the worst thing was all tha other kids passing by going...naaaaa.....naaaa.na..naaaa.nah!goldfinch said:Jana,
I wish your news had been better, but am glad it's not worse. The waiting game is such an anxiety producing game. I'm sure your love of yoga (as well as your other strengths) will provide you with the courage to get through the next 2 months. Actually your message itself shows your strength since you are able to see the "not bad" news in the cat scan report.
I have to say, Jimmy sure did nail that description of the the waiting game with his description of being called to the principal's office (not that i was ever called to the principal's office;-).
Hang in there!
Mary
oops...sorry Jana....just trying to put a smile on yer dial babe!
Jen and I wish you the best sweetie.....2 months is a long wait but maybe your specialist is erring on the side of being reasonably happy with what was seen. I agree with Jimmy...if it was really concerning your specialist you might have had more investigation.
Keep yah chin up gal, love kanga n Jen0 -
Boy, Jana, you sure got that right. I wish we never had to deal with this beastie called cancer. You are so balanced in your reasoning, though; keep up the good perspective. We will all be hanging in here with you.
It does seem that we are always waiting for the next test, another result. On the other hand, we don't take good news for granted any more, and it seems that many of us are trying to remember to stop and smell the roses. In the meantime, your patients sure are lucky to have such a sensitive and thoughtful doctor. Keep busy, live strong!
Many positive thoughts are being sent your way,
Regards, Judy0 -
Jana,
Hang in there. That waiting is terrible! Ihad a strange 'shadow' in my first mammogram and had to have another in 6 months and it drove me nuts! I bet it will not be cancer. There is just as good, if not better odds that it is NOT! Try not to worry(easier said than done).
I'll be praying for you!
Love,
Taunya0 -
Hey there girlfriend!!!!!
Sounds like a very minor setback and the delay could actually be a good thing (other then driving you crazy of course). I am a firm believer in that none of our medical doctors understand internal healing and that is all this could be. Nasty stuff just working itself out of your body. If it was more then that, then your docs would have shown a little more sense of urgency.
Hugs to you from Scout and I and try to have a glass of wine and remember your European trip. Pleasant thoughts help to heal us.
Hugs, Lisa0 -
jana
i wish it had been all clear. i am newly diagnosed and finishing my 6 weeks chemo radn next week. none of my scans, pet or ct, have come up totally clear. being in the medical field, you know that radiologists will almost never go there and say everything is perfect. i am a veterinarian and make for a difficult patient because of my medical training as i am sure you do!
so i read a lot into diagnostics. i had a 5mm lesion in my lung at the original CT when newly diagnosed and i asked for a thin cut CT, which cleared that lesiion as scar tissue (too many smoky bars!!?!) but found one or two 2mm suspicious lesions. i will get repeats the week before my surgery, so mid August.
i am trying to take the advice of my surgical oncologist at NIH who asked me to try to be a patient and trust him. same goes to you. trust the CT reading. it was NOT metastatic disease. in two months you will get another CT but live those two months without mtts in your lungs!!!
i too wish i never had cancer. i want my life back and know it will never be the same. i do not wish it on anyone and try to tell myself that if anyone were to get it, i am tough enough to survive it which is why God let it happen to me. i try to be balanced, but mostly i am still in shock and cry alot and look at my 13 week old beautiful baby girl and beg God or whatever power may be watching to let me see her grow up and marry and have children. never let her suffer. never let her get cancer. never let her grow up without her mommy. my mother is here helping me and has been for several weeks and i know as tough as she tries to be with me that she must feel that way about me seeing me suffer and worry.
thank you for giving me inspiration like you have on this site. maybe one day we will meet!
i am in maryland in the DC area folks, if any of you are.
Claudia0 -
Dear Jana,
You are always so strong and sane in your e-mails to the rest of us, and now I see you applying the same remarkable wisdom and intelligence to your own situation. You've pretty much nailed it--the bad part is the waiting.
I hope that in the coming two months you are able to distract yourself with the small pleasures of being alive. I remember the first thing my doc said when I emerged from the colonoscopy during which they found my tumor: You're going to be on a roller coaster. And so it goes.
I wish you'd had a normal scan. I wish none of us had cancer. But we do, and so I wish for you lots of deep breathing as you enjoy the days ahead.
Love,
Ellie0
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