Vent Post

tkd3g Member Posts: 767
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
STOP!! If you don't want to read about a middle aged woman about to let loose on the world, move on to another post.

No need to reply. I just need to vent.

It's just some days I wonder what God had in mind for me? How much is he gonna throw at me? And at what cost to me, my body and my family? ( and now you)

Yes, I am having a bad day.

I have 3 wonderful girls aged 6,13 and 16. My sixteen year old is upstairs puking her guts out with another migraine. She's been getting them since she was 9 years old. With our most recent visit to the neurologist, she suggested a couple of medications. All of which have side effects that may effect her ability to function at her best for school. ( her main priority as a Junior.)
And no, I don't push her. I am the most ( or used to be) the most laid back person you could meet. So, she goes on without the meds. The over the counter stuff rarely helps anymore. So she suffers, misses MORE school and I CAN'T HELP HER!!

My second young lady, is severely handicapped due to a vaccination when she was 9 months old. ( there is a whole other post). For the past 10 of her 13 years she screams every single morning that I get her ready for school. Can't figure it out. She loves school. And when we get out to the bus, she's all smiles. I have changes the morning routine, places, things, whatever I can do. I can't figure it out. This creates SO MUCH stress in me, I feel it. I feel my muscles getting tighter. I feel the tension in my neck. I know this isn't good for me, but don't know how to relieve it.

She also has a mysterious ( sp?) pain that creeps up once in a while. We have done ultrasounds, X-rays, blood test, been at the doctor's office when it goes one knows what it is. It looks a lot like infant colic. Drawing her legs up and thrusting them out. Very uncomfortable for her ( and all around her :( My daughter has no speech or any consistant way to communicate. Again...I CAN'T HELP HER!!!

Then, of course, there is the bathroom issue. I won't get gross here or anything, but if I don't take Immodium each day ( which I don't want to do), I'm in the bathroom 10-15 times a day. So far the fiber hasn't helped. Doc says, "give it time." Fine for you, but I'm the one walking around with a butt that feels like it's on fire!!

Not to mention ( but I will), the bills, lack of enough money, unfinished house repairs, continual headaches from the stress, a relationship with hubby that should be a lot better, but isn't right now :( , I'm freakin fat as a cow right now and can't get it off. I'm stressed that the stress in my life may bring back the cancer that I got rid of just last year. I eat when I'm that really sucks! My best friend of 15 years just found a lump in her breast.
My house is a in a state of constant turmoil ( I'm clean, but we just have lots of stuff and not too much room to put it!)

I so need a vacation. I so want to go to Vegas, but I am afraid of flying. I almost decided that if I could get some good drugs and my husband would go with me, we'd make the trip. Well, what do I do with my kids? The oldest and youngest are no problem, but my middle angel needs total care. My parents can't lift her up anymore. We lost our nurse over 5 years ago, and haven't been able to find another one.

There really is no point to this post. I'm not looking for any answers. I'm just having one of those days. Hubby doesn't want to hear it, I wouldn't burden my children with it, my parents...well, I love them, but..., my best friend hears it all the time, but she's going thru a bunch of crap herself right now.

So, that leaves you, my friends. I apologize to those having really tough times right now. In relation to some, this is trivial. I know that.

On the positive side, I am healthy now, I have a great husband and 3 wonderful girls. The weather is getting nicer and things are looking beautiful around these parts.

Well, I'm all out of complaints right now. I'll get back to you if I have any more pop up. Nah, you've heard enough.

Enough negative. Time to pull up the boot straps and get on with it! Thanks all for letting me use this forum to vent. I feel a little better.

Love to all,



  • RunnerZ
    RunnerZ Member Posts: 185
    I am a 6+ year survivor of stag 3 rectal cancer, diagnosed at the age of 36. I have 3 kids who are 13, 9 and 6...and I am so glad to see that someone is having a stretch of life like mine...sorry that you're the one! Not quite enough $$, kids on all different directions (at the same time) daughter with braces, a sore heel from track that I cannot help get better in time for her big sectional meet, too small of a house, too big of a credit card bill, yet another big task at work (I am a criminal prosecutor and have another murder trial starting in 2 weeks...plenty of stress and never enough sleep! I too worry that I will invite cancer back if I have too much sress in my life. I love being a survivor, but also had many of the inconveniences and discomforts that you talked about (during big trials I eat only a tiny lunch so that I can make it through the p.m. without a bathroom stop. It can all get tiring and more than a little overwhelming. Just grab a few minutes for yourself somehow, somewhere...and know that there are others facing your same battle. I'll muddle on if you do to! Take care.
  • deneenb
    deneenb Member Posts: 130
    Hi Barb,

    I'm sorry that you are going through so much right now. I wish there was something I could say that would make it better but we all know there's not. I can however make a suggestion as far as your daughter's migraines. I have been getting them myself for about 10 years now. I have been taking a medication called Maxalt for about a year and I find that it works better than anything I have tried (pills anyway). The only side effect that I notice is some fatigue which is an end result of the migraine for me regardless of what I do or don't take. I take one as soon as I feel the first twinge of migraine and usually in 30 minutes it's gone. I use the pills instead of the dissolving tablets. The dissolving tablets have a taste that will make you more nauseaous than the migraine.

    My chiropractor also just suggested fish oil supplements, which I have been taking 2x a day for about 2 weeks now. I don't feel a difference yet but he said to try them for a month. They are an anti-inflammatory which is why they help to prevent migraines or at least reduce their frequency. Does she get menstrual migraines ? Supposedly there are prescriptions specifically for them. I have also found that cutting back on sugar reduces the number of migraines I get. When I eat too much sugar (usually in the form of candy), I get terrible migraines.

    Lastly, I used to use a homeopathic spray called Migra Spray form NatureWell. You spray it under your tongue and hold it for 30 seconds before swallowing. I found that it worked very well for me but I can't find it in the stores around me anymore.

    I hope this helps a little bit.

    Best Wishes,
  • 2bhealed
    2bhealed Member Posts: 2,064 Member

    wish it was for real......maybe if you DO get to Vegas this will be a real hug!!

    peace, emily who will be emailing you so check your box
  • Moesimo
    Moesimo Member Posts: 1,072 Member

    I also wish that I could give you a big hug. This whole cancer thing sucks. I often wonder what I did to deserve all this.

    I do want to add my 2 cents worth about the bathroom trips.I know what you are going through. Nothing worked for me either. I took tub baths that lasted for 2-3 hours. Nothing helped. After 18 mos. of having a butt that felt like I was stabbed with a hot poker constantly, I finally had a permanent colostomy. While I wouldn't have picked any of this, I have my life back. I no longer spend my days looking for a BR or crying to my husband about my sore butt. I would wake up at 3am and go sit in the tub and cry. I was miserable.

    If there is anything specific I can help you with,email me through this site.

  • CAMaura
    CAMaura Member Posts: 719 Member
    Hi Barb,

    So sorrry for all of which is on your plate; but so glad that you felt comfortable enought to post.

    Is it at all possible to sit down and make a list of things which YOU need? A massage,a date with your husband, a cleaning person (even twice a month), maybe a bit of soical services that could assist with your middle daughter. Any herbal meds or nutretional coounseling for your older daughter - another doc who may know of newer/better migraine meds...again, a massage for you? I don't presume to be have any real answers.......just finished a three day anxiety attack....just a lot on my plate and mnd going hay-wire dealing with it.

    You are not alone......I did find a mini=solution to my Imodium woes.....and it seemed like a backwards solution. I have been living on Imodium through chemo....literally every day. I bought some bread which has miraculasly helped. It is a whole wheat walnut bread - which may have a touch of molasses - that toased...has really slowed things down. It doesn't make a lot of sense...Fiber normally equals GO......but it is helping. I am in CA and it is an artisan Bread (acme is the preservatives, daily deliveriess at the grocery stores).

    I am no Polyanna - and earlier this week proved that I am also no Joan of Arc....but I am hear to listen...and to bounce back ideas which might help a bit......

    My thoughts are with you again pleased that you could present to us what is really going on.....That in itself takes courage.

    Talf soon and prayers for a calm and resftful spite of being pulled in somany directions.

    Cheers and hugs,

    Sorry for all of the typos.....directly after chemo, neuropathy seems to give my fingers a mind of their own.
  • pjenks57
    pjenks57 Member Posts: 112
    Barb I am so sorry for all of your problems but thank goodness you have found this place to vent. Isn't it wonderful. You have found support and information to is better than anywhere else in the world (right or wrong!)

    I am not a wholier than thou person and don't like people who push religion however, since hubby was dx with stage 4 cc almost 2 years ago and he is still under chemo, days are hard. I don't mean to ramble on and on butttttt..... I had no one to talk to when this crap began and I found this place. Katie bar the door I used it frenquently!

    Well in the course of all of this I (we) found a church that I fell in love with. I joined and am active with it. I found that God has a plan for me and all of us (just my opinion) and it is a wonderful place to be for me.. Anyway what I was trying to get to, (sorry) ,is this. My pastor told me one time when things got more than I could bear to get off to myself and visualize myself crawling up into Jesus' lap and put my head on his shoulder and cry and tell him all the things in my head. I have done this many, many times and it has helped me. I have put all this at his feet and told him that I can't handle it and it is up to him to deal with. Sometimes I bet his legs go to sleep with this large old woman sitting on his lap for so long but...

    I hope that maybe you could try this for yourself. It worked wonders for me.
    Please don't think I am crazy just give it a try when you want to and see what you think.
    I will pray for you and hope all goes better
  • scouty
    scouty Member Posts: 1,965 Member
    Hi Barb,

    You know I think the world of you and given that you were the one, YES YOU, that started that wonderful thread last year that has given us the thongs and speedo references some are probably wondering about.

    I love you for that post and what it has done for so many of us. Humor under some pretty intense conditions.

    When you really get stressed, envision us all around your lovely pool showing off our scars, eating, drinking (water), and giggling like heck. Now I'm not sure you will smile or throw up with that thought, but I promise you will feel better once you close your eyes and feel us with you every step of every day.

    Hugs honey, Lisa P.
  • rejoyous
    rejoyous Member Posts: 259
    Dear Barb,

    I just wanted to tell you I'm so glad you knew you could unload here. That stuff about worrying that stress will bring back the cancer really hits me where I live.

    I don't know if there's any way you can take a 30 minute walk into your busy life, but when I'm super stressed that's what I try to do. I really find that exercise is a natural anti-depressant /destresser, and it also makes me feel I'm doing something very concrete and real for my body. Just an idea.

    Meanwhile, I'm sending you a hug, too.