38 years old - stage 3, HER2/Neu +

Hi Wendy. So very sorry about your dx. I remember when I was first diagnosed. I desparately wanted to find someone with the same pathology as me. I soon realized that there were so many intricacies of this disease and the chances were pretty slim. And even if I had, treatment options are a plenty and people respond so differently to the exact same drug so you really can't compare apples to apples. Anyway, that said, I was 45 when dx'd with an 8cm tumor, 1+ node, Her2+, ER- but PR+. I had a mastectomy right away and then entered a clinical trial to get the Herceptin. AC first every 3 wks then the Taxol with Herceptin every week for 12 wks, then Herceptin for 40 more wks.

How long will your treatment last before surgery and what treatment do they expect afterwards? I am assuming they are shooting for a lumpectomy? I am so sorry that breastfeeding your new baby had to be interrupted by all of this. I hope you have a supportive network of family and friends to carry you through this rough time. You will get through it, rest assured. Do everything you can to take care of yourself so you will have the energy and strength needed to fight your fight. Now is not the time to be super mom. Let others do for you. Your job now is to be educated about your disease and to make sure you get the best possible care. It sounds like you've gotten off to a great start. We will be here if you need us anytime along the way. Best wishes. By the way, I just passed 2 years from diagnosis and I'm fine!
Susan

Hi Wendy,
I am so sorry to read about your diagnosis. That is really a lot to handle with a newborn and 3 young children. I was 40 when I was diagnosed in April 2003. I have 2 daughters now aged 7, 4. My tumor was 5 cm, 2 positive nodes, HER2+, ER/PR Negative. I opted to have a mastectomy and then undergo chemo/radiation. I am in a clinical trial for herceptin but I'm in the control group so I did not receive it - I had 3 cycles AC and 12 Taxol. I finished chemo in 11/04 and radiation in 1/04. So far I am doing really well. I still get more fatigued than I used to but I'm able to work and take care of the kids. I worked throughout treatment but I cut back on the hours and did more from home when I could - particularly with the AC treatments. Taxol didn't bother me at all. Like the other ladies I simply tried not to do too much while in treatment. My husband, Mom and sister-in-law were really helpful and made it easy for me to rest when I needed to - hopefully you'll have some helpers too. It wasn't easy but it was manageable. It seems like it will last forever but it really doesn't and things do settle down again. Good luck to you!

Patti

Hello Wendy, It has to be really hard for you to have such small children and to take chemo also. Do you have any help with family members? I am her2neu + and pR+ and ER+. How long do you have to take chemo?.Shirl

Hi Wendy:

So glad that you found this site! It can be one confusing and frightening time and we've all been right where you are as far as the emotional nightmare that is our dx and early treatment. We're afraid/concerned about everything...treatment, side effects, our survival, our children, our spouses, our ability to remain independent during treatment and beyond. All that running through your mind and more, is perfectly normal and don't let anyone tell you differently. It's a stage we must pass through and it's ok.

For many, sharing here can be immensely helpful as we learn and calm ourselves a bit and get down to the treatment plan and day to day living during that time. Here, we can let our guards down and speak of things we sometimes cannot speak of with our families/friends. We can "say it all" and get feedback from other's who are currently in our situation or have been in it and someone always knows something about every issue...or can offer helpful tips/advice/suggestions, etc.. So, hoping this site and others like it, will serve you well in the coming weeks and months.

I'm 4 years out now. Guess I'm one of the "old timers" here but I still check in regularly. It matters to me to keep up with what's happening with some of the friends I've made here over the years and also to offer any encouragement I possibly can. Trust me, we keep learning, even years after our initial dx and so will you.

Right now, take excellent care of your diet, rest often and listen to your body as it will give you clues to what is needed. Emotionally and spiritually, make time for relaxation, meditation or whatever works best to soothe your spirit and inspire you. Accept the rough days when they come, as part of the process, and always know that better days are ahead. Before you know it, treatment will be over and you'll be getting busy recovering and getting back into life on your own terms. My best advice is to try to accept each day as the unique experience it is and not waste energy on tomorrow, next week or next month. Just today, the here and now.

Marty had some great advice regarding your children and ways to help them through. Children are amazingly intuitive and age appropriate explanations are so helpful to them. They need to feel included and helpful I think. If your 6 year old's school has a guidance dept. with a well qualified counselor, it may be a good thing to ring her/him up and let them know, confidentially, what's happening. You'd be amazed at how helpful they can be in allaying our children's fears and worries, through books, games, discussions. May help you to feel better just knowing that your 6 year old is getting that bit of extra care, attention and understanding.

Your 3 oldest children are still all in that age of "magical" thinking and I think it's probably wise to get some expert advice on what to share
with your 4 and two year old, while allowing the school counselor to advise you concerning your 6 year old, if you're comfortable with that kind of arrangement at his/her school.

I'm assuming that the facility where you're having treatment has a social worker on staff who could perhaps help you to get in touch with a good resource to advise you regarding your 2 and 4 year old? Most insurances cover this kind of service, so it's worth the time I believe.

As for that adorable 3 month old...just lots of love, cuddling and cooing! With a thoughtful and common sense approach, coupled with a bit of added advice from the experts, our children do amazingly well! Not always so, concerning the adults in our lives during this kind of crisis, but in the end if we all work together, get some extra help when we need it, we usually come out the other side ok and often, even better. I know that's probably a bit difficult for you to digest right now, but very true.

Hang in there and please keep us posted. Am sending warm wishes and big hugs your way.

Love, light and laughter,
Ink