Sudden tears

seeknpeace · October 2004

Hi everyone,

Well, I started my new job and I am finishing up the third week. What seemed to be terribly disorganized, as to training, is shaping up somewhat now, but, there are some issues that we are giving another week to sort themselves out. More about that maybe later.

I just wanted to say that at the end of class yesterday, they were showing a corporate video that gets made monthly, I think, and distributed to all branches to watch. It is set up like a news desk with anchors and has stories that relate only to the bank and that past months news about Wachovia. The very last thing was the Komen walk and how active they are in the fight against BC, and I think that they said that Wachovia is number three in corporate sponorship, but, I would not swear because I just lost it. I was not prepared, the stress of training has been hard and then to see all those pink shirts and smiling faces, some in various stages of treatment just did me in. And, of course I am on the front row, so everyone saw. But, on the first day of class,when we introed ourselves, one of the things that I told them was that I was a proud recent survivor of bc, so they knew. Do you guys just ever, out of the blue, when you see something about bc, or any cancer, lose it?

Jan

roxanne53 · October 2004

Hi,
Yes, I will have melt down(s). It is usually when I am under a lot of stress and pressure from some other source.
Had a cry on Monday, by the way, at work too. Friend and I were talking. I was explaining some of my stressors over the last couple of weeks. Then all of a sudden, burst....
This time, I wanted to boycott doctors, specialists, and clinics all together.
(being pulled in so many directions)

I can have these times, when it affects my heart strings and cancer events. All kinds of things. Some times for no noticable reason at all.

Learning a new job is stress in itself. Learning curve is usually going through the roof like a taut rubber band. then all of a sudden you see pink t shirts and ribbons. burst.....

All very normal and many times just the right pressure valve to be released.
Good luck to you in this new adventure!!
You are not alone in these bursting water falls.

Roxanne

mssue · October 2004

Hi Jan,
You're not alone with sudden tears.I had volunteered to be the captain of our company's Relay For Life Team,the first meeting I went to for corporate sponsors I thought I had everything under control.Everything was going well, we were at the Golden Coral for a breakfast meeting,that is until they popped in a video of survivors telling their families when they first found out.Several of my co workers were there, all of which knew, but alot of people that were customers of our dealership that didn't know about the breast cancer were there too.All of the sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks-the tears started and were only getting worse the more I heard-I couldn't stop--I had to get out!I was sitting in the back so the only way out was to walk or run past everyone there.I rode around crying for a half an hour trying to dry it up before going to work-then when the meeting was over and everyone was back to work they were all asking if I was okay and everything. It was nice of them to ask,but I was quite embarrased,I couldn't control it.I thought I was prepared and could handle anything,I guess when you're caught off guard anything is possible.

The other day I was at the hospital for my check up,an elderly lady in a wheel chair was in the hallway ,her son was carting her around.My heart dropped - I almost lost it again when i overheard the Nurse and Doctor talking to her.They were going to run some more test on her to find out what kind of cancer it was.She just sat there motionless starring into space-I wanted to grab her and shield her from the findings.The tears were building,I had to get away.I prayed for her that night,she seemed so helpless. We are all helpless at some point with this disease.
Remember your not alone,the memories,the pain ,the helplessness all of it.It effects everyone that struggles with cancer.We've all been through alot and yes it leaves scars physically,emotionally and mentally.We may all be at different levels on our path of this fight but we're all on the same team.

Take care ,W/Love
Sue

lindatn · October 2004

I so hope everyone at work gave you a hug you needed it so sending a late one from here. Yes we all seem to cry easy this morning a pretty red bird was dead in my yard and I had tears. I love and respect all of you. God Bless and be strong. Linda

wimpy · October 2004

Hi

Yes, I can surely identify with what you are saying. The last time I unexpectedly burst into tears it was because I was criticized for forgetting something at work. I also cry when I read about other cancer survivors problems, when anything reminds of friends and family that I have lost, and sometimes I even cry when I see heart tugging telephone commercials. I think that it is an inconvenient but probably threapeutically useful emotional release. Don't worry seeknpeace, lots of us are there with you.

wildangel · October 2004

That happens to me too! I thought I would chill out as time went on but I didn't. I personally think we have our own form of Post Traumatic Stress and certain things can trigger it. I can really understand why that happened to you when it did- here you were in your new job, getting on with a normal life and then they show BC survivors and boom you are right back there again.

I think it is a healthy release and also a bit of thankful tears of joy that you are on the other side now and back to "normal" life- you made it- you survived!

I hope everyone understood! And if they didn't forget about them! You are so beyond them they haven't a clue.

Angela

seeknpeace · October 2004

mssue said:
Hi Jan,
You're not alone with sudden tears.I had volunteered to be the captain of our company's Relay For Life Team,the first meeting I went to for corporate sponsors I thought I had everything under control.Everything was going well, we were at the Golden Coral for a breakfast meeting,that is until they popped in a video of survivors telling their families when they first found out.Several of my co workers were there, all of which knew, but alot of people that were customers of our dealership that didn't know about the breast cancer were there too.All of the sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks-the tears started and were only getting worse the more I heard-I couldn't stop--I had to get out!I was sitting in the back so the only way out was to walk or run past everyone there.I rode around crying for a half an hour trying to dry it up before going to work-then when the meeting was over and everyone was back to work they were all asking if I was okay and everything. It was nice of them to ask,but I was quite embarrased,I couldn't control it.I thought I was prepared and could handle anything,I guess when you're caught off guard anything is possible.

The other day I was at the hospital for my check up,an elderly lady in a wheel chair was in the hallway ,her son was carting her around.My heart dropped - I almost lost it again when i overheard the Nurse and Doctor talking to her.They were going to run some more test on her to find out what kind of cancer it was.She just sat there motionless starring into space-I wanted to grab her and shield her from the findings.The tears were building,I had to get away.I prayed for her that night,she seemed so helpless. We are all helpless at some point with this disease.
Remember your not alone,the memories,the pain ,the helplessness all of it.It effects everyone that struggles with cancer.We've all been through alot and yes it leaves scars physically,emotionally and mentally.We may all be at different levels on our path of this fight but we're all on the same team.

Take care ,W/Love
Sue

Oh my sweet sisters...thank you so much. I am crying reading this. Sometimes life seems almost normal, I forget about my reconstructed breasts and when I think about it, I just lose it. I agree totally...I think that we have a whole different category of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I went from dx to bilateral in two weeks...who could know how to feel? Thank you thank you thank you...Much love...Jan

Mbladet · October 2004

You are not alone, believe me! I am participating in the Making Strides walk at the end of this month. It was brought to my attention that I would get a pink survivor's shirt. I just started to cry, it's not a shirt any one of us ever wanted to wear. I've done the Race for the Cure several times .. this will be my first pink shirt. I will be among some of the bravest and most wonderful group of surviors ... but I still would rather a regular shirt :-)

Tears come too when I hear of others who aren't as fortunate as me (double mastectomy, no chemo or radiation). It is all I can do to contain my tears when I go to the Cancer Center and see people at various stages of their disease. I leave with a heavy heart but one that thanks God for the "new life" He's given me.

SusanAnne · October 2004

Hi Jan,

Last month I began to feel such a heavy inexplicable sadness in my heart. I became concerned because I could NOT cry. After attending my support group meeting and talking with my "cancer" friends I learned some insights into why I might be feeling the way I was. Boy was I relieved when the tears started flowing again! Count your blessings that you CAN cry!

Glad to hear the job's going well. Take care.

Susan

Idalia · October 2004

seeknpeace said:
Oh my sweet sisters...thank you so much. I am crying reading this. Sometimes life seems almost normal, I forget about my reconstructed breasts and when I think about it, I just lose it. I agree totally...I think that we have a whole different category of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I went from dx to bilateral in two weeks...who could know how to feel? Thank you thank you thank you...Much love...Jan

Glad to know I'm not crazy! I have a good attitude and handle what I am going through pretty well most of the time...then I totally lose it when I am alone! Driving in my car, it occurs to me that I might not live to see my 12 year old daughter married and the waterworks start. I have a lot of faith and am doing everything I can, conventional and alternative therapies, but living with cancer is stressful. It's never far from our thoughts in the present and our plans for the future. I hate it, but it is a gift. It makes us realize how precious life is and how we have taken life for granted.

DoubleKnot · December 2004

SusanAnne said:
Hi Jan,

Last month I began to feel such a heavy inexplicable sadness in my heart. I became concerned because I could NOT cry. After attending my support group meeting and talking with my "cancer" friends I learned some insights into why I might be feeling the way I was. Boy was I relieved when the tears started flowing again! Count your blessings that you CAN cry!

Glad to hear the job's going well. Take care.

Susan

Hello Susan,

I am so glad that you wrote what you did in your post. I too have been where I couldn't cry and I feel like I was made of stone sometimes. We women have to be "the rock" most if not all of the time, and that can be a very heavy load. We can't really show our emotions, because we have to be strong for everyone else. When I was diagnosed with my breast cancer, my husband was and is also fighting cancer, but he had his bladder and prostrate removed because the cancer was the invasive and into the bladder muscle. He went through 4 chemo treatments after his surgery. Well with all of that going on with him, there is no way that I could let myself react to my cancer or to fold emotionally. I had to stay strong for both of us. He had a massive stroke that destroyed the left side of his brain approx. 10 years ago, so this shock of the bladder/prostrate cancer was almost the final blow to me. Now, they think that it has metastasized to his lung and we will find out in approx. one week the results of the Pet Scan on him. With all of that going on with him, I don't have the luxury of crying or being concerned for myself. I just say a lot of prayers and also know that My Mom (My Guardian Angel) will help me through all of this. When I was finally able to cry a few tears, I didn't think that I would be able to stop them. The floodgate just opened and yes it sure helps to cry.Women being "the rock foundation" all of the time, I think is for the birds. Yes, my tears have been shed at the wrong places and the wrong times possibly, but there had to be a release of the tension inside. Don't hold back the tears. I will be saying a prayer for you and all of the women fighting this monster called cancer. Take care.

DoubleKnot

Sudden tears

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