Survivor Guilt?

seeknpeace · September 2004

I am wondering if any of you guys ever feel guilty that your cancer is not as bad as someone else? Like, when I go to the oncologist and I see ppl in horrific pain from their treatments or they are so sick, having lost their hair and so forth. Then I start to cry and I feel so guilty for feeling bad for having cancer. It is a jumbled up thing for me. Anyone else have this?

Jan

live42day · September 2004

Jan,
I started feeling guilty about 6 mo ago, which is 2 yrs. past chemo. I started to wonder why I survived while others I know didn't. It doesn't seem fair. In fact, if it hadn't been for the thorough actions of my family Dr and the surgeon I wouldn't be here today. And I can't figure out why I was spared while a friend with children still in school died. I have children too but they were out of school when I was dx. I just try to make the most of my life by trying to help other women with breast cancer or any cancer. When someone new is dx with cancer in our community people seem to tell me. I feel like I need to do what I can because I survived.
Janet

livin · September 2004

Hi Jan, I remember when I first was dx with breast cancer. I could not go into the chemo room where others were fighting for their lives with chemo. I use to cry to see these people. At the time I had, had Breast Cancer and only needed surgery and Tamoxifen. I use to feel guilty. This has since changed because I became one of those people in that room (no Disrepect). I understand how you feel.

bunnie · September 2004

hi see iam on the other side of that i cant seem to catch a break with my cancer it keeps spreading.but when i see someone like you iam very happy for you and glad you dont have to be going throught this.I have been fighign my cancer for almost two years know it will be two in jan and the only way for mine to stay in remission is to stay on chemo so for the time being that is what iam doing.Congratioations on being cancer free and dont fell guilty you went through the same thing we are going through god answeres prayers in funny ways he has our life planned and only he knows when it is our time to meet him.i hope you never get the big c again. Bunnie

woddy · September 2004

HI, I had stage 1 4yrs. ago. Had radiation, Chemo. I could not understand why my Dr., Nurses and the team made a fuss over me. I saw so much sadness all types of cancer. I had Breast ca. My Dr. told me it was normal the way I felt. Still do at times especally when I see my oncologist every 6 mo. plus blood test and all the feelings come back and the fear. Just wanted you to know you are not alone. Woddy

seeknpeace · September 2004

livin said:
Hi Jan, I remember when I first was dx with breast cancer. I could not go into the chemo room where others were fighting for their lives with chemo. I use to cry to see these people. At the time I had, had Breast Cancer and only needed surgery and Tamoxifen. I use to feel guilty. This has since changed because I became one of those people in that room (no Disrepect). I understand how you feel.

Hey...when you had your surgery, mastectomy I am assuming, was it bilateral and what stage and type of cancer did you have? I have had doctors and nurses tell me that dcis is cured 100% of the time. I want to believe them but, you know, if I had believed them when they said my cancer was not cancer, with the type I had, and all the necrosis in the duct, it was ready to spread. So, if I had waited 6 mos, it is likely that I would have had much grimer news. That is scary to me and I want to believe, but, I have just lost that comfort zone.

seeknpeace · September 2004

Thank you all so much for responding. I think the guilt that I did not have to have chemo has been so hard to deal with. I haven't been around much because I started my new job last week and I am still adjusting. I am not sure how I feel about it yet. The training is so unorganized. Anyway, thank you all. My sisters..Jan

tylermurphy · September 2004

I don't think I would really call it guilt. But I am definitely over sympathetic after having gone through the ordeal myself. On the bright side, I have to say I have met some of the nicest people at our cancer treatment center. Of course it is sad when you see someone who isn't weathering the disease maybe as good as yourself, and I would always leave there hoping that when I saw them again, they'd be showing improvement. For the most part, everyone with cancer seems to show a strength to me that perhaps goes unnoticed by someone that does't have cancer. Hope that makes some sense.

hounddog · September 2004

Don't feel guilty about having cancer it is not our fault that we had cancer .It is just a storm in our lives that we went through .The Lord has purposes for us going through things like cancer .Read John 6:14-21 it talks about the storm in our lives. I also see people worse off than I'am with cancer and having lost their hair and so forth.I lost my hair last year because of chemo treatments but it grew back . It is alright to cry it is normal if we weren't normal we wouldn't cry.
You have a friend in me .I'm here for you.Why I got cancer a second time was jumbled up for me.
marilyn

hummingbrd · October 2004

Hi ~ I know how hard all of this can be. I am a breast cancer survivor of almost two yrs. I had a very aggressive form of cancer, and went through it all: surgery, chemo, radiation. It has taken me at least a yr to get back on my feet. Then, this past June my husband was diagnosed with bladder cancer. We caught it very early and all needed was surgery, and a chemo agent instilled one time into the bladder right after surgery. God I was jumping for joy that that was all he had to go through! my God I am happy for you that all you had to do is what you did. There is no reason for you to feel guilty. My goodness, count your blessings and use your experience to help the next woman. If your still here your job ain't done. There is a reason that what happened to you happened the way it did ~ but that is for you to determine. BTW my best friend is about to die from kidney cancer. I do wonder why I am surviving and she isn't, but I don't feel guilty about it. Life is life. Why does anything happen? I would very rich if I had that answer. So forget about it, pay it forward, and use the experieince to enrich your life and someone elses.

MarisaGuerrero · October 2004

Jan, when I was dx with breast cancer at the age of 26, I shocked my family doctor. But we were more shocked when a beautiful young hispanic woman was dx shortly after in our town at the age of 24. I am now 35 and have been cancer free for 8 years. Alejandra didn't make it to her 25th birthday. She left two toddlers behind. I got to know her because we talked often on the phone and shared experiences. I finished my treatments first, so I gave her my wigs and hats. I helped translate for her many times. At her funeral, it hit me...Oh my God...that could have been me. It didn't make sense to me. Why her and not me? A candid talk with my husband helped me realize that God has a plan for us. I live every day asking God to help me make a difference and to be able to be the servant he wants me to be. To me giving back has been my "peace". I volunteer with the local ACS, I am a R2R volunteer, I Relay every year, and I preach to every woman I know about early detection. You'll find your peace. It will take time. Helping others has helped me.

Survivor Guilt?

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