feeling down

momof2
momof2 Member Posts: 81
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Well, I have recently had surgery on my neck. It broke due to the breast cancer mets which are there. I am now wearing a halo brace for the next couple of months. I guess I am feeling pretty down. I can't do much and I sit at home alone most of the time. I live with my fiance and my two kids. My fiance just left for four days. Part of me is angry with him for leaving me and the other part of me knows he needs time away too. I am just so down about things and cry frequently. I am just not sure how to handle the situation. I am going to have to wear the halo brace for at least another 6 weeks, possibly longer. It's going to be a long 6 weeks if I keep feeling like this. Any suggestions on ways to lift my spirits?

Thank you all so much!

Carrie

Comments

  • bunnie
    bunnie Member Posts: 233
    #2
    Hi sorry i cant give you much advice expct for try and stay positv there is light at the end of the tunnel.we are all here for you when you need to talk.bunnie
  • seeknpeace
    seeknpeace Member Posts: 259
    #3
    Oh, Carrie,

    I cannot imagine how hard this must be on you. My goodness, that gadget has to be difficult to bear.

    I don't want to make you feel worse, but, it bothers me that your finace left you. What you are enduring needs so much support. Do you have other family members? It is so hard with cancer cause some ppl seem to shy away from any discussion of it at all, others have that "get over it and move on" mentality, and both of those make it hard on you as a survivor.

    Do you have any support groups or anything close by that you can turn to? You know that we are always here for you and I just wish that you did not have to endure this all alone right now.

    Bless you honey...
  • cammie
    cammie Member Posts: 102
    #4
    Mom of 2 - I know what you mean by part of you understands him leaving, but part of you wishes he would of stayed. You probley were the strong one and said - I'll be fine. Men can't read the "I'll be ok, but what we are really saying is please stay!!" Talk with someone about your depression. Eat lots of Chocolate, and Here is A BIG HUG!!! Next time he wants to go, realize it is not a burden for him to stay, he would probley not leave if you told him how upsetting it is to be alone right now. Take Care.
  • inkblot
    inkblot Member Posts: 698 Member
    #5
    Hi Carrie:

    I agree with seekenpeace and don't think it was the best time your fiance could have chosen to have his "time away". If you had other's, friends or family, who could be with you, then it would make more sense. Did your children go with him?

    How mobile are you? My thought is to get about and do whatever you are capable of doing, be that reading something which is terribly interesting to you, taking tub soaks, if allowed, changing your location from inside to outside for short periods during the day, (just the fresh air and sunshine can help lift spirits),listening to your favourite music, and of course, resting a lot and eating well, so your body can better heal.

    Last but not least, perhaps take some time to write down your feelings about your fiance having left you alone right now. Edit them often until you feel it represents your true feelings and then decide what you want to do about it. It isn't good to allow hurt or anger to simmer.

    It's not always easy but times come in our lives when we may need to reassess or redefine our personal relationships. The bottom line is whether you're willing to accept his reasons as valid "enough", sensible or acceptable to you. Writing through it all may help you find answers. The people we most depend upon in our lives are often the same people who most depend upon us too. As long as two people understand and accept one another, then they're ok really. Our personal relationships need not make sense to the rest of the world...only to us, so only you know how you want to work this issue out.

    Hoping your recovery is uncompliated and swift and that you shed the halo in record time! Keep us posted on your progress.

    Love, light and laughter,
    Ink
  • hummingbyrd
    hummingbyrd Member Posts: 950 Member
    #6
    cammie said:

    Mom of 2 - I know what you mean by part of you understands him leaving, but part of you wishes he would of stayed. You probley were the strong one and said - I'll be fine. Men can't read the "I'll be ok, but what we are really saying is please stay!!" Talk with someone about your depression. Eat lots of Chocolate, and Here is A BIG HUG!!! Next time he wants to go, realize it is not a burden for him to stay, he would probley not leave if you told him how upsetting it is to be alone right now. Take Care.

    Wow Cammie, that's a tough one! I know sort of how you feel. I've had a broken arm since Nov 2003 and it hurts plus I'm so restricted to what I can do, but I still have my left arm, and praise God I'm still here to enjoy my 2 sons. I guess that's my advice...think of all the positive things, stay in God's Word, pray and find something positive to occupy your time. Be glad to have you email me, just check Bunnie's note for email addy.
    God bless and stay positive!
    hummingbyrd
  • KarenKL
    KarenKL Member Posts: 42
    #7
    Did your fiance give an explanation for leaving?
    He could have some inner feelings bottled up as well as you and maybe you both should sit down and talk about it. You need him right now and your right he may need time away, but right now?
    You need to think about yourself so you can heal properly to prevent any further complications.
    Like in my situation don't let a man get you down. Good luck and God Bless You!!
  • wimpy
    wimpy Member Posts: 58
    #8
    Hi

    My heart goes out to you. I bet you are overwhelmed by emotions right now: fear, anger, and especially feeling lost and vulnerable. I think there are no good answers to the emotion overload you are experiencing but just ignore the idiots that tell you to buck up and get over it. You are entitled to feel these things. You are going through an unbelieveably tough time. Just remember that your fiance is probably experiencing his own set of the same feelings. Go easy on each other. Bless you and big hugs.
  • momof2
    momof2 Member Posts: 81
    #9
    thank you everyone for your replies. I really needed them. My fiance didn't leave without making sure I was well taken care of. His mother stayed for two days, my father helped, and my grandmother. I was never totally alone and he had this trip planned for about 4 months. He did make a sacrifice in not taking his race car to this event he went to and he had also given up racing for the season due to my surgery and complications. I have just really missed him, but on a better note, he will be home tonight!! He has been a god send to me and my kids, I wouldn't be where I am without him. As for the depression, I am starting counseling next week. HOpefully that will help! Thank you all so much for being there!!

    Carrie
  • inkblot
    inkblot Member Posts: 698 Member
    #10
    momof2 said:

    thank you everyone for your replies. I really needed them. My fiance didn't leave without making sure I was well taken care of. His mother stayed for two days, my father helped, and my grandmother. I was never totally alone and he had this trip planned for about 4 months. He did make a sacrifice in not taking his race car to this event he went to and he had also given up racing for the season due to my surgery and complications. I have just really missed him, but on a better note, he will be home tonight!! He has been a god send to me and my kids, I wouldn't be where I am without him. As for the depression, I am starting counseling next week. HOpefully that will help! Thank you all so much for being there!!

    Carrie

    Hi Carrie:

    I'm happy to hear that you're beginning counseling. Hoping it will be very beneficial.

    I don't know about the other ladies here but I totally misunderstood your statement that you were mostly sitting home alone since your fiance left. I took it to indicate that he'd taken an unplanned pleasure trip and you had no one to help you or look after you at all. Your post above paints the situation with a different brush and that's good news!

    Hang in there.

    Love, light and laughter,
    Ink

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