Depression

inkblot said:

Hi me2:

What's wrong with you??? Merciful sakes! Need you ask???

As everyone else has said, it's not uncommon to be feeling worried, anxious and somehow a bit undone. Your'e not very long out really but recovery will come. Trust me.

Denise always makes me laugh. Frogs and blenders!! LOL To take her analogy a step further: We have all been through one of life's meanest blenders. We have been first speared with a cancer diagnosis. Next, terrified, because we know the blades of this particular life blender is a necessary next step. We're not just checking out the wall paper in there. Then after we have had our turn in the blender, been sliced and diced, as it were, most of us get to go into the big pond of chemotherapy and/or radiation. We shook and shivered our way through those ponds, somehow keeping our heads above water. Then we were thrown up onto the shore to find our way back to sanity and health. Naturally, we flip and flop as we try to find our way to perspective. Meanwhile, we still have to go near the big ponds and the blender, periodically, just to check and see if we may need to actually go back in there again. Scary mammo's, markers, counts, scans, MRI's, lingering side effects, good docs, stupid docs, thoughtless people, caring people, support, no support and through it all, afraid with each check up. What's wrong with you, you ask? Indeed! It's ok to cry and grieve and be sad. It's not ok to stay that way though.

After having said all that, here's what it boils down to, me2: It's like emerging from a train wreck, brusied and battered, confused and frightened and being expected to somehow know where your luggage is. Many don't understand. How could they begin to? The hardest thing to realize and accept, while we're a bit back on our heels, is that our luggage is not where we left it. It may not even be recognizable as ours anymore. We've been through a life-changing experience and now we must heal. It's a waste of time and energy to go back to the site and try to gather up all the wrecked contents of our luggage, launder it, fold it and put it away
as if nothing ever happened.

I'm almost 3 years out of treatment now and I opted to leave my luggage where it landed, after the crash, so to speak. It wasn't mine anymore.
I needed some new luggage anyhow. And since I got new luggage (attitude), I may as well get some new things to put into it, right? So, my trip began.

I didn't want my new luggage cluttered with fear, anxiety, worry and unhappiness. So I set to work to get rid of those things which are really just too heavy to be carrying around, day in and day out.

Letting go of the pain of what has happened to us is no easy task but I will tell you that with a focused effort and persistence, you can emerge from the experience even better and stronger than before. You must have a plan. If plan A isn't working so well, then go to plan B and C and D and keep going until you find what's right and good for yourself.

Take the time to do things you enjoy. Don't worry about what other's think in the process. Begin some new things. Maybe things you'd formerly thought you may enjoy trying. New experiences can lift our spirits and open new doors. Take time to read and relax, some bubble baths, a day at a spa...whatever calms and quiets your spirit and your mind. Maybe give Yoga, biking, Pilates, etc. a go. Volunteer in something that matters to you. Find what fits you best and get your head and heart into it. Make some changes in manner of dress if that appeals, new hair style/color, even move across the country if that's what you really, really, in-your-heart want to do. Realize that this life of yours is a precious gift. Resolve to do something just for you, every single day and at least one kind, thoughtful or helpful thing for someone else, each day. I love to see people smile and if I can help that happen, then that's a huge reward. Giving just feels nice. Yet it's hard to give to other's when we can't give first to ourselves.

It can seem like a tangled web, but we can begin to sort it out, one thing at a time and one day at a time. Maybe try making a list of things which you want to change. Then prioritize them, in order of importance to you and then work on the first thing on your list until you feel better about it and move on to the next thing. Soon, your list will be shorter and shorter but don't be afraid to add a few footnotes to it if need be. While we're healing, life goes on and other things can come up which we need to attend to and sometimes, those things may have to be added to the list for a short while. PRIORITIZE.

Believe in yourself and know that you can do it. Be creative and don't feel like you need to explain everything to everybody who asks. Progress can be difficult when people ask silly questions. Questions for which we may not yet have managed to answer for ourselves. My simple explanation, when people ask why I'm doing this or that, is that I'm just busy turning over rocks to see what's under them! I am, after all, on a journey called life and perpetual discovery is essential. In my opinion anyway. You can fill yourself up and you can fill up other's in the process.

If you're finding too many potholes, then seek counseling to help you get oriented in the direction you want to go. Talk with your doctor about how you're feeling and get his/her input.

Hoping you can soon make a start toward feeling better and finding perspective.

Love, light and laughter,
Ink

mc2001 said:

Thanks to DeeNY711 I will never again be able to make a smoothie in my blender.... but to address me2's concern. It is normal for people to feel scared and worried after they have fought cancer. Everyone does to some degree and it shouldnt be compared to others. however... if your fear and worry is debilitating for you... there are some great ways to help. Support groups are very helpful and provide an awesome opportunity to meet and talk to others face to face. One on one counseling therapy is also a great way to discuss ones fears and worries. THe doctor can help one cope with the fears and help the patient realize what is normal and what is over doing it. There are also a number of medicines one can take with or without counseling therapy. All three provide wonderful resources to help with this common problem. Take care and God bless.
-Michael

inkblot said:

Hi me2:

What's wrong with you??? Merciful sakes! Need you ask???

As everyone else has said, it's not uncommon to be feeling worried, anxious and somehow a bit undone. Your'e not very long out really but recovery will come. Trust me.

Denise always makes me laugh. Frogs and blenders!! LOL To take her analogy a step further: We have all been through one of life's meanest blenders. We have been first speared with a cancer diagnosis. Next, terrified, because we know the blades of this particular life blender is a necessary next step. We're not just checking out the wall paper in there. Then after we have had our turn in the blender, been sliced and diced, as it were, most of us get to go into the big pond of chemotherapy and/or radiation. We shook and shivered our way through those ponds, somehow keeping our heads above water. Then we were thrown up onto the shore to find our way back to sanity and health. Naturally, we flip and flop as we try to find our way to perspective. Meanwhile, we still have to go near the big ponds and the blender, periodically, just to check and see if we may need to actually go back in there again. Scary mammo's, markers, counts, scans, MRI's, lingering side effects, good docs, stupid docs, thoughtless people, caring people, support, no support and through it all, afraid with each check up. What's wrong with you, you ask? Indeed! It's ok to cry and grieve and be sad. It's not ok to stay that way though.

After having said all that, here's what it boils down to, me2: It's like emerging from a train wreck, brusied and battered, confused and frightened and being expected to somehow know where your luggage is. Many don't understand. How could they begin to? The hardest thing to realize and accept, while we're a bit back on our heels, is that our luggage is not where we left it. It may not even be recognizable as ours anymore. We've been through a life-changing experience and now we must heal. It's a waste of time and energy to go back to the site and try to gather up all the wrecked contents of our luggage, launder it, fold it and put it away
as if nothing ever happened.

I'm almost 3 years out of treatment now and I opted to leave my luggage where it landed, after the crash, so to speak. It wasn't mine anymore.
I needed some new luggage anyhow. And since I got new luggage (attitude), I may as well get some new things to put into it, right? So, my trip began.

I didn't want my new luggage cluttered with fear, anxiety, worry and unhappiness. So I set to work to get rid of those things which are really just too heavy to be carrying around, day in and day out.

Letting go of the pain of what has happened to us is no easy task but I will tell you that with a focused effort and persistence, you can emerge from the experience even better and stronger than before. You must have a plan. If plan A isn't working so well, then go to plan B and C and D and keep going until you find what's right and good for yourself.

Take the time to do things you enjoy. Don't worry about what other's think in the process. Begin some new things. Maybe things you'd formerly thought you may enjoy trying. New experiences can lift our spirits and open new doors. Take time to read and relax, some bubble baths, a day at a spa...whatever calms and quiets your spirit and your mind. Maybe give Yoga, biking, Pilates, etc. a go. Volunteer in something that matters to you. Find what fits you best and get your head and heart into it. Make some changes in manner of dress if that appeals, new hair style/color, even move across the country if that's what you really, really, in-your-heart want to do. Realize that this life of yours is a precious gift. Resolve to do something just for you, every single day and at least one kind, thoughtful or helpful thing for someone else, each day. I love to see people smile and if I can help that happen, then that's a huge reward. Giving just feels nice. Yet it's hard to give to other's when we can't give first to ourselves.

It can seem like a tangled web, but we can begin to sort it out, one thing at a time and one day at a time. Maybe try making a list of things which you want to change. Then prioritize them, in order of importance to you and then work on the first thing on your list until you feel better about it and move on to the next thing. Soon, your list will be shorter and shorter but don't be afraid to add a few footnotes to it if need be. While we're healing, life goes on and other things can come up which we need to attend to and sometimes, those things may have to be added to the list for a short while. PRIORITIZE.

Believe in yourself and know that you can do it. Be creative and don't feel like you need to explain everything to everybody who asks. Progress can be difficult when people ask silly questions. Questions for which we may not yet have managed to answer for ourselves. My simple explanation, when people ask why I'm doing this or that, is that I'm just busy turning over rocks to see what's under them! I am, after all, on a journey called life and perpetual discovery is essential. In my opinion anyway. You can fill yourself up and you can fill up other's in the process.

If you're finding too many potholes, then seek counseling to help you get oriented in the direction you want to go. Talk with your doctor about how you're feeling and get his/her input.

Hoping you can soon make a start toward feeling better and finding perspective.

Love, light and laughter,
Ink

inkblot said:

Hi me2:

What's wrong with you??? Merciful sakes! Need you ask???

As everyone else has said, it's not uncommon to be feeling worried, anxious and somehow a bit undone. Your'e not very long out really but recovery will come. Trust me.

Denise always makes me laugh. Frogs and blenders!! LOL To take her analogy a step further: We have all been through one of life's meanest blenders. We have been first speared with a cancer diagnosis. Next, terrified, because we know the blades of this particular life blender is a necessary next step. We're not just checking out the wall paper in there. Then after we have had our turn in the blender, been sliced and diced, as it were, most of us get to go into the big pond of chemotherapy and/or radiation. We shook and shivered our way through those ponds, somehow keeping our heads above water. Then we were thrown up onto the shore to find our way back to sanity and health. Naturally, we flip and flop as we try to find our way to perspective. Meanwhile, we still have to go near the big ponds and the blender, periodically, just to check and see if we may need to actually go back in there again. Scary mammo's, markers, counts, scans, MRI's, lingering side effects, good docs, stupid docs, thoughtless people, caring people, support, no support and through it all, afraid with each check up. What's wrong with you, you ask? Indeed! It's ok to cry and grieve and be sad. It's not ok to stay that way though.

After having said all that, here's what it boils down to, me2: It's like emerging from a train wreck, brusied and battered, confused and frightened and being expected to somehow know where your luggage is. Many don't understand. How could they begin to? The hardest thing to realize and accept, while we're a bit back on our heels, is that our luggage is not where we left it. It may not even be recognizable as ours anymore. We've been through a life-changing experience and now we must heal. It's a waste of time and energy to go back to the site and try to gather up all the wrecked contents of our luggage, launder it, fold it and put it away
as if nothing ever happened.

I'm almost 3 years out of treatment now and I opted to leave my luggage where it landed, after the crash, so to speak. It wasn't mine anymore.
I needed some new luggage anyhow. And since I got new luggage (attitude), I may as well get some new things to put into it, right? So, my trip began.

I didn't want my new luggage cluttered with fear, anxiety, worry and unhappiness. So I set to work to get rid of those things which are really just too heavy to be carrying around, day in and day out.

Letting go of the pain of what has happened to us is no easy task but I will tell you that with a focused effort and persistence, you can emerge from the experience even better and stronger than before. You must have a plan. If plan A isn't working so well, then go to plan B and C and D and keep going until you find what's right and good for yourself.

Take the time to do things you enjoy. Don't worry about what other's think in the process. Begin some new things. Maybe things you'd formerly thought you may enjoy trying. New experiences can lift our spirits and open new doors. Take time to read and relax, some bubble baths, a day at a spa...whatever calms and quiets your spirit and your mind. Maybe give Yoga, biking, Pilates, etc. a go. Volunteer in something that matters to you. Find what fits you best and get your head and heart into it. Make some changes in manner of dress if that appeals, new hair style/color, even move across the country if that's what you really, really, in-your-heart want to do. Realize that this life of yours is a precious gift. Resolve to do something just for you, every single day and at least one kind, thoughtful or helpful thing for someone else, each day. I love to see people smile and if I can help that happen, then that's a huge reward. Giving just feels nice. Yet it's hard to give to other's when we can't give first to ourselves.

It can seem like a tangled web, but we can begin to sort it out, one thing at a time and one day at a time. Maybe try making a list of things which you want to change. Then prioritize them, in order of importance to you and then work on the first thing on your list until you feel better about it and move on to the next thing. Soon, your list will be shorter and shorter but don't be afraid to add a few footnotes to it if need be. While we're healing, life goes on and other things can come up which we need to attend to and sometimes, those things may have to be added to the list for a short while. PRIORITIZE.

Believe in yourself and know that you can do it. Be creative and don't feel like you need to explain everything to everybody who asks. Progress can be difficult when people ask silly questions. Questions for which we may not yet have managed to answer for ourselves. My simple explanation, when people ask why I'm doing this or that, is that I'm just busy turning over rocks to see what's under them! I am, after all, on a journey called life and perpetual discovery is essential. In my opinion anyway. You can fill yourself up and you can fill up other's in the process.

If you're finding too many potholes, then seek counseling to help you get oriented in the direction you want to go. Talk with your doctor about how you're feeling and get his/her input.

Hoping you can soon make a start toward feeling better and finding perspective.

Love, light and laughter,
Ink