Do We Ever Move On?

Unfortunately, once diagnosed, always diagnosed. However there is life after breast cancer.
For me it was a spiritual thing. My last fear was conquered when about a year after my diagnosis I suddenly realized as much as I love my boys, God loves them more. They were 11 and 8, now they are 15 and 12! Praise the Lord!
You know the diagnosis has really been a blessing. I don't take a single day for granted. My time with my boys, and really anything I do has been greatly amplified because it is so precious. If you think about it though, even before the diagnosis, any day could have been your last. We just didn't think about our mortality, or I suspect most of us didn't. Some people live to be 80 and never live a day of their life. We've been given a golden opportunity and that is not to take any day for granted. So yes it is possible to move on, just don't forget.
God bless.
hummingbyrd

Time, time, time. In November '02 I was diagnosed with DCIS / stage 0. I know I am very lucky. (It could have been a little better. My Van Nuys score was 8-9.) Treatment was lumpectomy, radiation, and I'm on Tamoxifen. Finished radiation in February '03 so it's been over a year. I was not one of those people who wanted to know everything / all about it. I scare(d) easily. Only very recently have I been able to read more about DCIS and my own pathology report. I too have been lurking / checking out one or two cancer message boards ("Hello") every day since treatment ended. I do kind of feel my "interest" petering out now though.

Even with my diagnosis, I still kind of worry about tomorrow. I understand more and more -- today is all you have. Jaded, you have so recently finished treatment. It takes time and "good reports" in the future to learn to live with it and move on. You will.

Yes. We DO move on. And, hopefully, we help as many others as possible. I have started a ministry to women newly-diagnosed with breast cancer called "In the Midst." And I have been helping with our local Komen Foundation. The fastest way to get your eyes off yourself is to start helping others. Don't let your experience be wasted. Use it to the fullest!! Call your local Am Heart Assoc or Komen Foundation and see how you can volunteer. Get involved at church with your women's ministry and let it be known that you would like to help women diagnosed with breast cancer. You've been there. You can help them.
Marla

Hi Jaded:

I agree with the other's here. We MUST and DO
move forward. Time certainly helps and you're not very long out of treatment at this point. YOU WILL GET THERE. It's a process and although it may seem, at times, as if we're taking the old one step forward and two steps back, we begin to make steady gains, with patience, effort and commitment to again feeling whole and well.

I didn't actually plan my own funeral but once I completed treatments and began to get my feet solidly underneath myself again, I did go forward with a living will, etc.. It's not a bad idea and no one knows better than us, who've had such a fright, what can happen if we don't attend to these issues well in advance. It brings me peace of mind in knowing that my wishes will be honored, if I should not be able to speak for myself or make my own medical choices. I know several people who also have these things in order and didn't have the motivation that some of us have had! Just a matter of personal choice it seems.

While you may be "healed" physically, the emotional part of yourself needs to travel over the humps and bumps of fear and worry about recurrence, not to mention, recover from the trauma of diagnosis and treatment and all the fear and stress of going through all that. Thank goodness for support groups! Our loved one's can't typically appreciate our issues and can't always offer the support we need in that realm.
I think another reason everyone wants to see us "put it behind us" so quickly, is because those who love and care for us so much, are also terrified and it helps them to believe that we've gotten over it and are right back to normal. They often don't realize how we feel, what we feel. We can tell them but not having experienced it, they cannot really understand. I always felt that my husband understood a lot, especially for a guy (lol)and he was in my corner, heart and soul from the get-go, but friends who'd also had cancer experiences
totally knew how I felt and understood the things I was concerned about, etc.. I decided to let my husband just love me, my friends help out in practical ways and my survivor friends be my support system in matters of "what if's, why's and wherefore's re cancer. That way, I could love and appreciate everyone in my life and wasn't expecting things from people who couldn't possibly deliver. I felt it was unreasonable and unfair to expect my husband to understand everything I felt. I could easily talk to him about how I felt, and he's a wonderful listener, but I didn't expect him to respond in any way other than listening and caring about how I felt.

I was fortunate to have support in every corner and it made a tremendous difference. Now, I just try to listen and care and help other's understand that there is healing, that perspective does come and that life can be even better in many ways, than before cancer. If we can just believe in ourselves and work toward that goal, we can again find peace.

The words "lurk" and "obsession" are concerns because that would seem to indicate that people are judging you harshly and negatively in your search to find positive ways to cope with a very traumatic experience. No one else can tell you what your resources should be. Rather, although they may not understand it, they could offer support and caring while you work toward emotional recovery. One thing you must understand is that you are not a "freak" due to having had cancer!!! If you're thinking along those lines, then please get some professional help to address it. One can be left feeling compromised. One can feel worn out. One can be left feeling depressed, anxious, fearful, worried about the future, etc.. but never like a freak.

Don't feel "less" than anything, due to your cancer experience. If anything, feel "more" than proud to have gotten through what you had to go through. Draw strength to heal your emotions from the same strength you found to get through dx, surgery and treatment! Join whatever support group which YOU are comfortable with and get about sharing and healing. Let your family know that THIS is how you're working toward "moving on"
and getting over your "obsession", if that's what they think it is. Lurking around in the right places can benefit us all if we lurk with an open mind and heart. So, lurk all you want/need to lurk and let your hubbie and extended family also choose whatever methods are helpful to them. You cannot possibly find healing if you do not look for ways to it. Particularly if you're being told that your quest to healing is nonsense or obsession. You're two weeks out of treatment for goodness sakes!

Please visit here often as so many can share so much and there's always something new and useful to learn which may be helpful.

Best wishes and KNOW that you will "move on" and feel differently in the future.

Love, light and laughter,
Ink

dear Jaded, Most people haven't a clue what cancer is all about,nor do they want to know, it's too scary, they just want you to be all better and we won't talk about it any more. No one can understand how we feel except those that have experienced it. It is important to stay connected to a support system where you can express your feelings. Cancer isn't like some other disease that they just cure and it goes away.
We all live with the knowledge that it is a sleeping giant that may awaken again at any time and we may have to do battle once more.
So how do we move on? As the others said by living one day at a time and making the most of it. I have accepted the fact that I probably will die from cancer one day, but by golly! it won't be today and I don't think it will be next year,so I'm not going to worry about tomorrow. As Hummingbird said, making your peace with God and coming to the realization that we are all in his hands including our children is important. When I was first DX I worried about my children too- they were a freshmen and sophmore in HS. But I knew in my heart that God loves them as much as I do and he would take care of them. Now they are both in college, and even tho they would be sad without me around I know they will be just fine.
We mustn't live in fear , but in Hope, in laughter in loving and living. Careing and shareing.

Hi, Jaded. I had the exact same diagnosis as yours, except my tumor was 1.8 cm. But I also had lumpectomy with re-excision, had 8 chemo and 7 1/2 weeks of radiation treatments. I was also ER-, HR2-, and had a Grade 3, very aggressive tumor. But at 55 at the time of diagnosis, I was much older than you. To answer your question "do we ever move on?", my answer would be no and yes. You can never "unring" the bell, so you will always live with the reality of having been diagnosed with and treated for cancer. These experiences will never leave you, nor probably will your thoughts of possible recurrence. However, with time these things become much less urgent than they are for you now. Time indeed is the great healer. But we can never go back and be the exact same people we were before diagnosis. Cancer changes you in so many ways - some good, some not so good. Try not to let your fears keep you from living fully....that's really the key. I agree that it helps to keep in contact with others who've had breast cancer. With them you can truly share your thoughts and feelings on this, something it's truly impossible to do with loved ones who haven't experienced what we have - no matter how loving and supportive they are. I'm two years out now from the end of treatment and I certainly feel much better, both emotionally and physically, than I did a year ago. But I don't feel like I can ever be completely my old self. But that's life in a nutshell, right? Good luck to you. Ellen

marbleslab said:

Yes. We DO move on. And, hopefully, we help as many others as possible. I have started a ministry to women newly-diagnosed with breast cancer called "In the Midst." And I have been helping with our local Komen Foundation. The fastest way to get your eyes off yourself is to start helping others. Don't let your experience be wasted. Use it to the fullest!! Call your local Am Heart Assoc or Komen Foundation and see how you can volunteer. Get involved at church with your women's ministry and let it be known that you would like to help women diagnosed with breast cancer. You've been there. You can help them.
Marla

Marla had wonderful advise, I hope when I'm through I remember this advise. I've just begun my journey done this road.