Back to the Source

For me personally I go back not to the source, but to the Creator.
I have found life is not about me, it's about eternity. I pale into insignificance when my potential 80-100 years is compared to forever. When I took my focus off of myself and asked what I could do to bring honor and glory to God; asking to be used as a light for others to follow into the kingdom of heaven by exhibiting a peace others would want to achieve...well, the transformation was complete. Peace has been provided, my purpose is clear and my treasures are found in the heavenly realm.
It's just not about me.
I pray this peace to all on this site.
God bless.
hummingbyrd
www.urcctc.com
Conquering Cancer Through Christ

SusanAnne said:

Hi Stephanie. I do commend you on the work you've done to make yourself whole again. I also think you are on the right track for the next step, by looking to put yourself out there in the world again, especially by helping others. It is said that while in the mist of assisting others, sometimes it is the volunteer who benefits the most. I can't wait to fully heal from my reconstructive surgery so I can go to work for the breast cancer coalition which has helped me thru my recovery. Starting your news group might be just the thing you need to do to take the focus off yourself. Good luck, and if we can help, just ask.
Susan

Hi Susan:

I think it's evident from the responses here that different approaches work for different people.

Don't be afraid to try new things, explore new avenues and see what's there which may offer peace and fulfillment. Emotionally we can sometimes feel like we're staring at a plate of spaghetti, yet it becomes a bit easier if we can just pick one strand out and work on just that one thing until we feel we've resolved it satisfactorily. Lots of resources are available. Classes in things of interest to you.
Reading self help books which may offer some appealing ideas and food for thought. A particular book comes to mind: How to Live Between Office Visits, by Bernie Siegel. It's a good read, interspersed with humor and wisdom.

I believe that letting go of traumatic experiences in our lives is very difficult business. I prefer to travel light, so I try to keep the baggage to a minimum at all times. No easy feat but achievable with patience and effort. Sometimes, just imagining the pain, fear, anger, frustration, depression and sadness is running off you, like rain off a pitched roof, can be soothing. We all need breaks from the pains as we heal and early in my recovery, there were days when I did imagine it was all rain over the gutter and would put it all out of my mind for that one day, knowing I would work on it again the next day. It can take some time but with effort and persistence, perspective does come. I think the most important thing you can do is to love yourself. I mean really care about you. Once we can accept ourselves and love ourselves, it's like a flower opening and we then find that we have so much more to share.

My motto is that I won't allow cancer to "take" anything from my quality of life henceforth. On the contrary, I will allow it to help me find the very best in myself and help me to see the very best in other's. Cancer can be quite a theif, but we can apply the brakes and say nope, you've taken enough, thank you very much...from here forward, I'll take from cancer. I will take pride in the strength which cancer showed me I had. I will always remember my cancer experience, but not with misery or pain in tow.
I will remember it as a big fork in the road of my life. I will remember that it gave me the ability to stare my worst fears in the face, yet find a way to live each day with love and joy in my heart. I will care about and help other's. Cancer will not get in the way of that. I will love and live my life according to my personal convictions and in so doing, I will steal cancer's thunder. Cancer had me in a vice, initially but now the tables are turned and I'll not allow it to keep me there, to stifle who and what I am, who and what I'm about. Some strong proclamations, but put into practice it has brought me greater peace, understanding and greater love. Finally, I took from cancer, the great understanding that today is all there is and I've learned to live and appreciate it as just that. No guarantee's about tomorrow. Nobody's coming with a contract which promises that I'll never have cancer again (or some other equally devastating illness/condition). Just me and today. How I choose to live it is up to me. Small steps at first and then larger steps and pretty soon, we're just high stepping through our lives and have managed, for the most part, to put cancer in it's place. That being, in our history. Accepting that yes it happened to us. And yes, it was dreadful. Accepting that yes, it could happen again. But asking ourselves some important questions. What do I want my life to be? Once we can answer that, we can get about making it happen with conviction and creativity.

Emerging from our cancer experience, just coping is an achievement. As time passes though, we realize that we want, need and deserve more than
just coping...just getting through the days. We want to really live and get our fears and issues resolved so that cancer is no longer our reality, but our memory. It becomes historical and we can take into our future, even better lives, the knowledge that we do have the strength to repair the emotional holes and fill them in with something quite great. PEACE. It comes in like the proverbial fog, on little cats feet, but it comes in just the same. Slowly, the sun breaks through and BAM, we feel lighter and brighter and know that we're getting there. It's worth all the work we can muster, to get to that point.

Hope that may help some in understanding that you won't always feel the way you're feeling now. You don't have to. You deserve better and you WILL find your own unique path to it. Chin up and keep us posted.

Love, light and laughter,
Ink