I am afraid it's spreading

suematt
suematt Member Posts: 14
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I was diagnosed last April, had a 3.5 lump removed, all the margins were clear as well as the 15 lymph nodes. Did the chemo and radiation and finished up with that at the end of September. I went in for my 6 month with the radiation onc. and she did a routine x-ray and I didn't think anything of it. The next week I got a call telling me there was a "small nodule" mid-thorasic, posterior and they wanted me to do a cat scan. Did that yesterday and have to wait until next week for the results. In the mean time, I have been spotting every day now for a couple of months. Went in for my annual "show and tell" last month and was set up for a sonogram. My gyn didn't like the way it looked so now I have a D&C/biopsy scheduled for next week.

Last year when I received the diagnosis I took it in my stride. I just had a deep peace the whole time that even though I didn't like what they were doing to me, everything would be okay in the end. Now I am just numb. I can't tell my family because I don't want to put the burden on them. My mom and sisters have their own health problems and I just can't put this on my kids. My husband is great and about as supportive as a man can be. I have a wonderful friend that has been through all of this and she has absolutely saved my sanity more than once, but she never had any kind of problem afterwards and really doesn't understand how scared I am.

I'm sorry I am rambling. I guess I just needed to speak my fears in a safe place.

If anybody has had any false alarms, I sure would love to hear about them. Thanks
Sue

Comments

  • Vanetia
    Vanetia Member Posts: 19
    #2
    I havn't had any false reports, but I do feel like you need a word of encouragement, and you have the right to ramble, so ramble on. I have breast cancer and I am scared of it spreading. I try not to dwell on it either, but we are only human. I am glad you have a friend you can talk to. But we are here also. So just lean on us. Just remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Someday it will be brighter.
  • blessings1020
    blessings1020 Member Posts: 54
    #3
    Believe me, Sue, you have no need to apologize.
    I too was diagnosed last April and had a 3.5 lump but I had a mastectomy. I finished chemo in Sept. and about three months ago I started experiencing severe pain in my rib (mastectomy side).

    After much "complaining" and pleading my oncologist (FORMER) finally started testing on me. Rib x-ray, bone scan (hot spot in 5th rib), cat scan (abdomen/pelvis),and a PET scan (area of uptake in 5th rib).

    Oncol. tells me no "conclusive" evidence cancer has spread. So, here I sit, the rib pain is worse and I now have it in the small of my back and my right rib as well and I am 100% convinced my cancer has returned. I cannot get anyone to listen to me so I terminated my oncol. and I see my new one on the 27th. I am a nervous wreck!

    I am so very sorry that you feel you cannot confide in any of your family members or your friend...you *need* someone to talk to about your concerns and your fears before they literally drive you out of your mind. I firmly believe that stress causes this cancer to move more quickly and, though we try to avoid stress, that is almost an impossibility.

    I believe I *do* understand how scared you are and I sure would like to be able to calm your fears. I can tell you that I will pray for you and hope that things will turn out in your favor.

    I don't know if mine is a false alarm or not...I just feel like I know my body and I can tell something is different but I, like you, will just have to wait and see.

    Nothing about this cancer is fair and it is so difficult to try to get yourself into "well" mode when you have the feeling that you are just waiting for the other shoe to drop. In fact, my oncol. informed me that my type of tumor was so large and aggressive that it is "more than likely the cancer WILL show up somewhere else". What is someone supposed to do with that information?

    I don't know...I'm really having a bad day today anyway. Got a call a while ago that my estranged father shot himself yesterday and my poor old body is so wracked with pain that I don't know if I can stand another minute in my own skin!

    I wish you God's Blessings and His healing, Sue, and I will be praying for you.

    Diane
  • prayerangel
    prayerangel Member Posts: 147
    #4
    Vanetia said:

    I havn't had any false reports, but I do feel like you need a word of encouragement, and you have the right to ramble, so ramble on. I have breast cancer and I am scared of it spreading. I try not to dwell on it either, but we are only human. I am glad you have a friend you can talk to. But we are here also. So just lean on us. Just remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Someday it will be brighter.

    My rule of living is....don't worry about things until they happen. You can waste so much time worrying about things that COULD happen. I never told any of my family until I had test results done, and there was written proof. Then I went forward. Sometimes doctors can be alarmists. Best of luck to you.
  • hummingbyrd
    hummingbyrd Member Posts: 950 Member
    #5
    blessings1020 said:

    Believe me, Sue, you have no need to apologize.
    I too was diagnosed last April and had a 3.5 lump but I had a mastectomy. I finished chemo in Sept. and about three months ago I started experiencing severe pain in my rib (mastectomy side).

    After much "complaining" and pleading my oncologist (FORMER) finally started testing on me. Rib x-ray, bone scan (hot spot in 5th rib), cat scan (abdomen/pelvis),and a PET scan (area of uptake in 5th rib).

    Oncol. tells me no "conclusive" evidence cancer has spread. So, here I sit, the rib pain is worse and I now have it in the small of my back and my right rib as well and I am 100% convinced my cancer has returned. I cannot get anyone to listen to me so I terminated my oncol. and I see my new one on the 27th. I am a nervous wreck!

    I am so very sorry that you feel you cannot confide in any of your family members or your friend...you *need* someone to talk to about your concerns and your fears before they literally drive you out of your mind. I firmly believe that stress causes this cancer to move more quickly and, though we try to avoid stress, that is almost an impossibility.

    I believe I *do* understand how scared you are and I sure would like to be able to calm your fears. I can tell you that I will pray for you and hope that things will turn out in your favor.

    I don't know if mine is a false alarm or not...I just feel like I know my body and I can tell something is different but I, like you, will just have to wait and see.

    Nothing about this cancer is fair and it is so difficult to try to get yourself into "well" mode when you have the feeling that you are just waiting for the other shoe to drop. In fact, my oncol. informed me that my type of tumor was so large and aggressive that it is "more than likely the cancer WILL show up somewhere else". What is someone supposed to do with that information?

    I don't know...I'm really having a bad day today anyway. Got a call a while ago that my estranged father shot himself yesterday and my poor old body is so wracked with pain that I don't know if I can stand another minute in my own skin!

    I wish you God's Blessings and His healing, Sue, and I will be praying for you.

    Diane

    Dear Diane and Sue, just wanted to say hi to both of you, and encourage you to stay positive. My tumor was 4cm w/ 13 out of 27 nodes + back in june 2000. I had bone mets aug 2001 and oct 2001. Currently I get herceptin and zometa by IV every 3 weeks, and by the grace of God I'm still here. I have a website www.urcctc.com I encourage you to visit, maybe it will help give you hope and calm your fears.
    I find it odd Diane your onc was so sure you were at high risk for recurrance, yet not aggressive with follow up studies. I think you made a wise choice in letting him go.
    Sue, I'm 42, at the age of 40 I had a hysterectomy just so I wouldn't have to worry about ovarian or uterine cancer. Just food for thought.
    God bless both of you and good luck.
    hummingbyrd
  • blessings1020
    blessings1020 Member Posts: 54
    #6
    hummingbyrd said:

    Dear Diane and Sue, just wanted to say hi to both of you, and encourage you to stay positive. My tumor was 4cm w/ 13 out of 27 nodes + back in june 2000. I had bone mets aug 2001 and oct 2001. Currently I get herceptin and zometa by IV every 3 weeks, and by the grace of God I'm still here. I have a website www.urcctc.com I encourage you to visit, maybe it will help give you hope and calm your fears.
    I find it odd Diane your onc was so sure you were at high risk for recurrance, yet not aggressive with follow up studies. I think you made a wise choice in letting him go.
    Sue, I'm 42, at the age of 40 I had a hysterectomy just so I wouldn't have to worry about ovarian or uterine cancer. Just food for thought.
    God bless both of you and good luck.
    hummingbyrd

    Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. I will visit your website.

    I also found it odd that oncol was not more aggressive. I am also biPolar and have clinical depression (controlled by meds) and I somehow felt that he treated me as neurotic and hypersensitive. I guess we'll see what happens.

    BTW, I'm 52.

    Blessings
  • blessings1020
    blessings1020 Member Posts: 54
    #7
    hummingbyrd said:

    Dear Diane and Sue, just wanted to say hi to both of you, and encourage you to stay positive. My tumor was 4cm w/ 13 out of 27 nodes + back in june 2000. I had bone mets aug 2001 and oct 2001. Currently I get herceptin and zometa by IV every 3 weeks, and by the grace of God I'm still here. I have a website www.urcctc.com I encourage you to visit, maybe it will help give you hope and calm your fears.
    I find it odd Diane your onc was so sure you were at high risk for recurrance, yet not aggressive with follow up studies. I think you made a wise choice in letting him go.
    Sue, I'm 42, at the age of 40 I had a hysterectomy just so I wouldn't have to worry about ovarian or uterine cancer. Just food for thought.
    God bless both of you and good luck.
    hummingbyrd

    I visited your website...you have no idea how much I need that, especially today as I received word yesterday that my father committed suicide.

    Also want to let you know I terminated my oncologist and have found another.

    God Bless...Diane
  • suematt
    suematt Member Posts: 14
    #8
    blessings1020 said:

    I visited your website...you have no idea how much I need that, especially today as I received word yesterday that my father committed suicide.

    Also want to let you know I terminated my oncologist and have found another.

    God Bless...Diane

    Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. It really does help. I am on my way to visit your website, hummingbryd.

    Diane, I am so sorry you lost your Dad. Those words sound so small, but there is a lot of feeling to them.
    Sue
  • blessings1020
    blessings1020 Member Posts: 54
    #9
    suematt said:

    Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. It really does help. I am on my way to visit your website, hummingbryd.

    Diane, I am so sorry you lost your Dad. Those words sound so small, but there is a lot of feeling to them.
    Sue

    Thanks so much, Sue, for your kind words. They mean a lot.

    I hope that your b/c has not spread and these are just the aches and pains of growing older.

    God's Blessings...Diane
  • amelia
    amelia Member Posts: 56
    #10
    blessings1020 said:

    I visited your website...you have no idea how much I need that, especially today as I received word yesterday that my father committed suicide.

    Also want to let you know I terminated my oncologist and have found another.

    God Bless...Diane

    Sue, Oh how I understand your fears. Every little pain has me wondering. When will it stop, I can't imagine ever not wondering what the pains may be. I think in some ways you just have to pay more attention now. Life as we new it is pretty much over. But that is not necessarily bad. I am much closer to God than I used to be. Diane, I wanted you to know that you are in my prayers. My brother commited suicied just 3 months before I discovered my lump. I had a very hard time wondering why someone would give up so easily, while I was fighting so hard. God bless you, Amelia

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