Help me understand!

unknown said:

Hi Sue and welcome to our wacky, crazy, caring, compassionate and even funny group. I am truly sorry that you need to be here...none of us really want to be, but through circumstances beyond our control we have all kind of been thrown together and we are trying to make the best out of a situation that can be very difficult and at the very least, trying.

I am caregiver to my husband diagnosed stage III 2003 and every day I am so grateful for his positive attitude, as I know you are for your husband's as well. As one person has already said, it could be worse without that positive attitude. I truly believe the positive thinking and pro-active, go get it, knock the crap out of it attitude is half the battle.

Recently, I had a conversation with a priest who I was speaking with about my own fears and doubts in dealing with Bert's colon cancer and my mom's lung cancer. Throughout the conversation, one major thing that the priest said stuck in my mind, that being "of all the studies that science has made of cancer patients who went into remission, attitude (positive and the fierce will to live) seemed to be the only answer or explanation as all treatments and conditions were pretty much the same." Definite food for thought, don't you think. Not only that, the oncologist that my husband goes to treats several people who have been diagnosed with multiple lung and liver nodules and are still here three, four, and more years after diagnosis, doing well. In fact, I know of one patient who was stage IV 8 years ago and she's doing real well!!!!

As to what is going through your husband's mind, that is hard to speculate but from what you have indicated, he's definitely not planning on giving up and that's wonderful. Do the best you can to join him in that attitude. All things are possible!!!

Fondly,
Monika

Hi Sue- Welcome. I also am sorry that you need to be here, but it is a great place to share stories, get practical suggestions and just vent. Your husband sounds like a wonderful person. I am glad to hear he is having response to treatment. The gift of a positive attitude is a god send.

I have stage 4 disease with history of peritoneal, liver and lymph node metastasis. Although my sister cannot quite believe that I can be so UP without antidepressants, I also have been blessed with a positive attitude. I recently read Anatomy of Hope by Dr. Goodman (currently on the bestsellers list I think). I could relate to many of the stories about this oncologist's patients. Although I know the prognosis is terrible, it is not zero. Someone has to be in that small percent who do make it.

As for your husbands case-anything is possible. There are people who have had quite large portions of their liver removed for metastatic disease and are doing well, as well as others who have had their tumors controlled for long periods of time with chemotherapy. If you have not already done so, sometimes consultation at a major cancer center may be helpful. Because oncologists at such large centers often are involved in clinical trials, and work in close association with surgeons and other support staff they may have additional suggestions about novel treatments that might help beat the odds.

There are some practicalities of dealing with this disease. Learning as much as I could about my disease helped a great deal so that when problems came up It made it much easier to make decisions and work on getting timely solutions.

Beyond the fear of losing your husband, the other issue is learning to live with an uncertain future. Although all of us, healthy or not should take care to put our affairs in order, few of us, including me, had made a will, assigned a person power of attorney should I become incapacitated, or investigated carefully healthcare coverage issues. When I got ill, I took care of these things to make life easier for my family should I get into trouble. It gave me peace of mind as well. Social workers at hospitals, oncology nurses and materials from ACS can help out with information/suggestions on dealing with these issues.

Try to take each day as it comes and not let the uncertainty dampen the good times.

Best wishes,

Kris

Ahoy, Bob & Sue (The "BS" in "bsrules") -

I think Stacy (as she so often does) hit the nail on the head - why make today miserable worrying about tomorrow. Face it, we're all "terminal". I know that I have a shelf-life and I will move on to the next level of this great mystery of life some day. For all I know, it could be tomorrow. You, Stacy, Kerry, Kris, Monika, everyone is in that situation. But we don't paralyze ourselves with fear about it. We don't make today sad because we know we won't be here some day. We enjoy life and celebrate it and make each day a joyous experience to remember. Our memories and other's memories of us are what keep us alive even after we go.

Another suggested reading is: Chicken Soup for the Surviving Soul. Read it and then pass it along to your husband. It contains many uplifting anecdotes of people with great attitude (and I completely agree with Monika and her priest on the benefits of "'tude"), but it will also give you, as a caregiver and partner, some insight into what's going on in your husband's mind right now.

Hang in there and CELEBRATE LIFE! It's a beautiful day here on the Gulf Coast - I'm going out to enjoy it (despite the fact that there are Mack trucks out on the road today)!

- SpongeBob

nanuk said:

Sue: Your husband has the most important ingredient in his treatment and recovery-ATTITUDE..it's more important than circumstances, failures, what people think or say, etc. We always have a choice every day
regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day..we can't change the inevitable, but we can play on the one string we have, attitude; life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.
We are in charge of our attitudes, and that may well predict the consequences.. Bud

And, Sue, that came from one of my personal heros: Bud - Kiss My Attitude - Nanuk. If any semi-colon epitomizes the word attitude, Bud is the King and andreae is the Queen... er.. Princess (I don't believe she's old enough to be a queen yet).

- SpongeBob