When do you consider yourself a survivor?

Mountain Girl,
Your question is an interesting one and I'm sure there are as many different answers as there are women with breast cancer. I actually never considered myself to be a victim. Upon diagnosis instead of feeling "Why me?", I thought "Why not me?" Like everyone, being diagnosed with bc was a shock, but I got through the surgeries, chemo and radiation. I'm relieved that part's over with and I guess I think of all of us here as survivors. I personally consider myself a survivor until I hear otherwise, and I'm not planning on going anywhere soon! It's great to hear that your Mom was a fighter and I'm so sorry she ultimately lost her battle. She's in my prayers. Ellen

I am curious myself as to when you mark your anniversary as a survivor. Example: You know when someone says "I am a one year survivor or a 5 year survivor", what date do they begin with? The day of first diagnosis or date of surgery, or the date of your last treatment? I am totally new to this and hope someone can comment.

bettygee said:

I think we are a survivor from the day we hear the news we have cancer and we keep on trying with all we have to keep going. We make it throught the surgery, we make it through the treatments, and we are still here. I guess we are survivors till the day we give up hope. Just keep fighting it as long as you can and you are a survivor.

For me, the first time I woke up after surgery and didn't elect to immediately push the Demoral pump was when I became a survivor.
God bless.
hummingbyrd (with a broke arm, so my answers are short, ya'll enjoy it while you can LOL)

Hi:

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I think "survivor" has several different connotations. The medical community marks it in chronological time. Time since dx and time post treatment with no evidence of disease, etc.. They use the 5 year mark, as the time when one becomes a "statistical" survivor. But that's them and their data, which serves their purposes.

The other kind of "survivorship" is emotional. We are survivor's the minute we adopt a survivor
attitude, going into a challenge. The minute we reconcile for ourselves that we are not beaten and that we will not roll over easily. That we will not give the whole of who we are over to the fact that we have had cancer. When we realize that we have a future, even if it may seem a short one. When we accept that today may be all we have but that we're intent upon making the best of it, then we are survivors.

I believe that we are survivors until the day we die. I also believe that the goal is to "thrive", as opposed to surviving. It's the best we can do for ourselves in order to enjoy our best lives possible.

For those of us whose cancer's were successfully treated, for 3, 5 or 20 years, the latter becomes essential thinking for becoming free of our fears and regaining our joy in living.

Your Mom's case was different in the latter regard but still, you saw her as a survivor. How she saw herself cannot be known if she didn't discuss it with anyone. I know so many people who, even though they are no longer with us, I will always think of them as survivors. I believe that in time, for longer term survivors, we really don't adopt a "survivor identity" (I know I'm not looking for that any more than I'm looking for any other single life challenge, by which to define myself) and cancer becomes something we "had" and we work to find our best perspective toward leaving it in our histories and moving forward. Such challenges can often change us and improve us, but they should never come to define us. We've all known people who, for whatever reason, predominately define themselves by one life event. It becomes something they cannot get over or reconcile, be it positive or negative. I don't believe it's healthy to attach that kind of overwhelming importance to any one event in our lives because living is sort of like quicksilver. It can change dramatically at any given moment. How we choose to respond to the change (event) is all that matters. Cancer can be a major, traumatic life experience but not one we want to continue to hurt from, for years to come...like a gaping, open wound, filled with fear. Thus, we all work very hard to help that wound to heal from the inside out.

I cannot really explain the emotional part to you fully. It defies explanation, lacking 1st hand experience. The important thing is that you too are a survivor. You survived your Mother's illness and passing and now you must find your peace and perspective in that and continue to live a full and joyful life. Sometimes, I consider so many of the pains and problems people have in life, completely unrelated to cancer or any other catastrophic disease and it occurs to me that we are all survivors, really, in this thing called living. Pain and pleasure, joy and sadness, fear and courage...it's all part of being human and living day to day. Sometimes it seems more of one and less of another, but then the wheel turns again and if we can accept the joyful times as well as the sad times, then we're all doing pretty well! Achieving our goals and dreams while continuing to live in the now.

Love, light and laughter,
Ink

Some people count from the day of the abnormal finding: mammogram, sonogram, MRI, discovery of lump, core needle biopsy, etc.

In late January, I was happy to notice that January 15 was just another day. No particular significance to me.

Some people count from the day of surgery. In late February, I was happy to discover that February 20 turned out to be just another day. I did not think of the surgery once. Yet another happy day of no particular significance.

Some people count from the end of chemotherapy.
Some count from the end of radiation therapy, when surgery, chemotherapy and radiation therapy have all been completed.

I always felt like your Mom in the beginning. I thought it was ridiculous to call myself a survivor when I could never be sure this would not roar back and kill me.

I think that to your Mom and I, the definition would have to include something about getting your life back the way it was before, with some bodily exceptions.

Your question has helped me to understand the concept of what people mean by the word survivor. I bet your Mom understands now, too.

Several weeks ago, someone asked me whether she could walk with me in the Breast Cancer Walk held each October here. I told her that I planned to be working that weekend. We both laughed.

I returned to work February 10th following a 355 day absence. It was so extremely difficult. After my first shift, I came home and told my husband that I did not think I could do this. I did it anyway.

Last night, one of my staff members mentioned that her daughter would like to do the Breast Cancer Walk in October. I decided that if I am able to walk that far by then, maybe I'd like to go, too, and wear a SURVIVOR tee shirt. Maybe do lunch. Not worry about the TV cameras revealing details of my life I've struggled so hard to keep private because they are.

I wish you a million blessings.
Love,
Denise

I was first diagnosed in 1991 - then mets in my bones at the end of 2000. Still fighting - not giving up! I AM A SURVIVOR!!