scar tissues
The left over skin which was a part of the labia majora is pulled down almost parallel to the anus. And this is where I'm sitting on. Right on those scars. I got used to the hemmoroid which I got after surgery and which got worse during radiation therapy this winter. Anybody know if and when scar tissues can get softer?
Comments
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Hi, I had partial vulvectomy but doesn't sound as severe as yours. I didn't need reconstruction. I don't have much feeling left around the area. I've had 2 laser vaporizations and feel they pretty much deadened all my nerve endings. I think you just need to wait it out or if it really bothers you, seek your doctors advice. Hope all goes well with you. Diane
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Hi Diane, thanks for responding so quickly.dcarl said:Hi, I had partial vulvectomy but doesn't sound as severe as yours. I didn't need reconstruction. I don't have much feeling left around the area. I've had 2 laser vaporizations and feel they pretty much deadened all my nerve endings. I think you just need to wait it out or if it really bothers you, seek your doctors advice. Hope all goes well with you. Diane
You probably are right in saying 'need to wait it out'. I think I'm being too impatient. I'm hoping to be able to sit upright in a chair someday without the pain of sitting on the scars which by luck didn't turn into a keloid, but is wide, raised, red and tender. I do have a scar ointment to apply 3x daily.
My problem seems to be that I'm getting tired of the daily scar caring, hemmoroid creams, rinses for my discharge, taking care of the wounds and raw spots which I got during radiation, bandaging the legs so that lymphedema won't get worse, taking care not to get constipated, etc. etc..
I get MLD 2 to 3x a week, but getting me ready to get out of the house takes two strenuous hours and even if it's doing me good, I'm starting to hate it. I'm getting compression panty stockings for the lymphedema of the legs and the genital region in a few weeks. Measurements were taken and it has been ordered by the physiotherapist. It probably will be so tight, that when I walk or move, it might irritate the scars more and I'm scared about being more in pain.
I don't like wearing underwears now, and I walk at home with my legs wide apart so that the skins don't touch eachother. I keep asking myself every day, if it ever will get better,... will life get better than now?
Thanks for being there. Helped me feel less isolated. Hope you have a good week ahead.
Misae0 -
Misae, You know, I never had to go through radiation or chemo, I'm sorry I can't advise on that. I did have my lymph nodes in my right groin removed and had a hard time getting the drainage to stop. It would leak all day long. That lasted for a month or so. Have you tried seeking a second opinion regarding the healing? I would think it would start getting better by now. I know we like to trust our doctors but it really sounds like you're having a lot of problems. When was your surgery? How much of the vulva did they remove? And why didn't you get a skin graft from the leg or other area rather than stretching the labia to cover? My doc said that if my tumor removal required reconstruction, they would skin graft from somewhere else. I can't imagine how it feels to have the labia stretched to cover the spot. No wonder you are uncomfortable. I think the scarring is a good thing, maybe means the area is healing. I know it sounds gross and I don't know who at your house would feel offended but you need to air the region out. don't wear underwear or even pants for that matter. Let the air dry it out.Misae said:Hi Diane, thanks for responding so quickly.
You probably are right in saying 'need to wait it out'. I think I'm being too impatient. I'm hoping to be able to sit upright in a chair someday without the pain of sitting on the scars which by luck didn't turn into a keloid, but is wide, raised, red and tender. I do have a scar ointment to apply 3x daily.
My problem seems to be that I'm getting tired of the daily scar caring, hemmoroid creams, rinses for my discharge, taking care of the wounds and raw spots which I got during radiation, bandaging the legs so that lymphedema won't get worse, taking care not to get constipated, etc. etc..
I get MLD 2 to 3x a week, but getting me ready to get out of the house takes two strenuous hours and even if it's doing me good, I'm starting to hate it. I'm getting compression panty stockings for the lymphedema of the legs and the genital region in a few weeks. Measurements were taken and it has been ordered by the physiotherapist. It probably will be so tight, that when I walk or move, it might irritate the scars more and I'm scared about being more in pain.
I don't like wearing underwears now, and I walk at home with my legs wide apart so that the skins don't touch eachother. I keep asking myself every day, if it ever will get better,... will life get better than now?
Thanks for being there. Helped me feel less isolated. Hope you have a good week ahead.
Misae
My tumor came on very suddenly. I bet it didn't take 3 months for it to be so painful that I coudn't walk without stopping.
If you think life sucks now then it can only get better - right?
Let me know how y o ur stockings go. Good luck and hope to hear from you soon.
Diane : )0 -
Diane, More of my vulva on the left side has been removed than the right side,... it still was a simple vulvectomy. As my cancer went more aggressively out of it, in the direction of my vagina and then deeper near the rectum, instead of spreading more within the vulva, I never noticed a lesion or anything on the vulva. No burns or itching. I first felt the manifestation of this cancer when it reached the left side of the vaginal lining with a sting or burn only when I urinate and not more.dcarl said:Misae, You know, I never had to go through radiation or chemo, I'm sorry I can't advise on that. I did have my lymph nodes in my right groin removed and had a hard time getting the drainage to stop. It would leak all day long. That lasted for a month or so. Have you tried seeking a second opinion regarding the healing? I would think it would start getting better by now. I know we like to trust our doctors but it really sounds like you're having a lot of problems. When was your surgery? How much of the vulva did they remove? And why didn't you get a skin graft from the leg or other area rather than stretching the labia to cover? My doc said that if my tumor removal required reconstruction, they would skin graft from somewhere else. I can't imagine how it feels to have the labia stretched to cover the spot. No wonder you are uncomfortable. I think the scarring is a good thing, maybe means the area is healing. I know it sounds gross and I don't know who at your house would feel offended but you need to air the region out. don't wear underwear or even pants for that matter. Let the air dry it out.
My tumor came on very suddenly. I bet it didn't take 3 months for it to be so painful that I coudn't walk without stopping.
If you think life sucks now then it can only get better - right?
Let me know how y o ur stockings go. Good luck and hope to hear from you soon.
Diane : )
I'm here to tell you a long story, even if it doesn't have to do with my scars anymore. It's about trusting doctors, as you have mentioned in your reply, too. I learned the hard way not to trust them all and everything they do or say. It left me as a very bittered person and makes me wonder if they will gain from me half the trust I had for them.
I usually did trust my doctors until last summer. I was seeing my gyn regularly twice a year for heavy bleeding due to uterus myomatosus for over 4 years. With hormone therapy, it was under control and the twice yearly check ups in Feb. and Aug. were there, just to keep an eye on it, to make sure it's not growing bigger or aggressive. This part of the story is OK. The menopause which started around the same time maybe helped stop the bleeding too. I was getting my pap test done in spring every year.
I mentioned to my gyn for the first time back in Aug.2002, that when I urinate, it burns and stings since a few days before that check up day. I told her I think there is something like a wound or irritation near the entrance of the vagina. She didn't look further. I thought I should forget about it and hope for it to go away by itself.
Six months later (Feb.2003), on the next regular check up, I told her again that it still stings and she took a look with her naked eyes and the only thing I heard from her mouth was "Ugh". Still, nothing was done or more said, so I was thinking that time can only take care of it. I still trusted her, thinking that she should know what she's doing.
In April 2003, I was back for my annual pap test which came out OK as usual. I mentioned again about my pain when I urinate, to make sure she takes a better look at it, and she did take a magnifying glass that time. That was it for that day. She seemed irritated that I'm taking so long for it to heal.
In Aug. 2003, I went back for the check up of the myomatosus growth as usual and told her that I doubt that my wound or whatever it is, will ever heal because the pain was getting worse and I can't imagine just going on like this. I can honestly write here exactly the words she used..."This will not heal by itself. It will have to be sewn." Saying this, she grabbed a tube of topical healing ointment and gave it to me, telling me to apply it to the wound in the vagina. She discharged me by telling me to make the next appointment in 6 months for my next usual check up before I leave the office. I felt frustrated, sad, was shocked, speechless, and felt betrayed. But I was not mad. Luckily, the woman at the reception was busy with the next patient, so I just turned away and left that office with my head in a fog almost petrified. I was scared that something was going VERY wrong.
When I got home and told my husband about the day, he started to get really mad. He even said that,... does my gyn think that we have to stitch inside my vagina ourselves if that's what has to be done. I was more in a shock to think that I, myself must find a hospital and ask a doctor if he may kindly sew my wound for me so that I get this story over with. I was thinking if this was normal?!? I was very confused and at the same time lost all my confidence in the outer world.
My husband called a hospital which he trusted as he had his heart surgeries there, and made an appointment for me. That was in Sept 2003.
At the hospital, another pap test was made. After the results, a biopsy, and after its result, being told that it was malignant and I needed a surgery, I was relieved, (not because of the cancer) but that finally someone can tell me what I have and something will be done about it. The surgery was done on Oct.15,2003.
My surgeon was not expecting the depth of my cancer which had spread to and within the vaginal wall and invaded the paravaginal tissues, up to 2 mm from the rectum wall. After almost 6 hours of local wide excision with partial vaginectomy with a neo-vaginal construction and a small piece of the rectum wall being removed, 24 lymph nodes / deep pelvic nodes in my left groin were dissected (only one surface lymph node was metastised). Margins were enough except for the one near the rectum. That's why radiation therapy was needed.
Part of the skin of the labia majora which was left, was used to close the gap which was left when the skin under it was cut in a stem/stick shape, still attached, and stretched up into the vagina to cover the defect.
My drainage never got less after surgery, so after 4 weeks, they just took the tube out to see what happens. It stopped and healed very quickly without swelling me up. I was lucky.
I was NOT lucky with my gyn. I was stupid too, to take things lightly and just trust my gyn. What was all those regular visits over the years to the gyn office good for? I guess not much for me. I'm learning about second opinions and hope to learn that lesson good.
After coming home from the hospital, being anxious to catch up with the life I left behind, I did too much and I noticed the swelling in my left leg. My lymphedema got worse during the radiation therapy, too. With your lymph nodes removed from your right groin, aren't your legs swollen? If not, you can consider youself very lucky.
I'm sorry for going far into details, getting lengthy, maybe boring you. Letting 'lots of air' do the job and thinking it only can get better makes me feel better. Thanks. If you read this far, I'm very greatful. I didn't realise how much I was writing til now. I just pressed the 'Preview' button and my eyes popped. I'll send it off as it is and not delete a single word. I've had my share of doing things which at the end, turns out to be of no use (if you read what I wrote above).
Misae0 -
Misae,Misae said:Diane, More of my vulva on the left side has been removed than the right side,... it still was a simple vulvectomy. As my cancer went more aggressively out of it, in the direction of my vagina and then deeper near the rectum, instead of spreading more within the vulva, I never noticed a lesion or anything on the vulva. No burns or itching. I first felt the manifestation of this cancer when it reached the left side of the vaginal lining with a sting or burn only when I urinate and not more.
I'm here to tell you a long story, even if it doesn't have to do with my scars anymore. It's about trusting doctors, as you have mentioned in your reply, too. I learned the hard way not to trust them all and everything they do or say. It left me as a very bittered person and makes me wonder if they will gain from me half the trust I had for them.
I usually did trust my doctors until last summer. I was seeing my gyn regularly twice a year for heavy bleeding due to uterus myomatosus for over 4 years. With hormone therapy, it was under control and the twice yearly check ups in Feb. and Aug. were there, just to keep an eye on it, to make sure it's not growing bigger or aggressive. This part of the story is OK. The menopause which started around the same time maybe helped stop the bleeding too. I was getting my pap test done in spring every year.
I mentioned to my gyn for the first time back in Aug.2002, that when I urinate, it burns and stings since a few days before that check up day. I told her I think there is something like a wound or irritation near the entrance of the vagina. She didn't look further. I thought I should forget about it and hope for it to go away by itself.
Six months later (Feb.2003), on the next regular check up, I told her again that it still stings and she took a look with her naked eyes and the only thing I heard from her mouth was "Ugh". Still, nothing was done or more said, so I was thinking that time can only take care of it. I still trusted her, thinking that she should know what she's doing.
In April 2003, I was back for my annual pap test which came out OK as usual. I mentioned again about my pain when I urinate, to make sure she takes a better look at it, and she did take a magnifying glass that time. That was it for that day. She seemed irritated that I'm taking so long for it to heal.
In Aug. 2003, I went back for the check up of the myomatosus growth as usual and told her that I doubt that my wound or whatever it is, will ever heal because the pain was getting worse and I can't imagine just going on like this. I can honestly write here exactly the words she used..."This will not heal by itself. It will have to be sewn." Saying this, she grabbed a tube of topical healing ointment and gave it to me, telling me to apply it to the wound in the vagina. She discharged me by telling me to make the next appointment in 6 months for my next usual check up before I leave the office. I felt frustrated, sad, was shocked, speechless, and felt betrayed. But I was not mad. Luckily, the woman at the reception was busy with the next patient, so I just turned away and left that office with my head in a fog almost petrified. I was scared that something was going VERY wrong.
When I got home and told my husband about the day, he started to get really mad. He even said that,... does my gyn think that we have to stitch inside my vagina ourselves if that's what has to be done. I was more in a shock to think that I, myself must find a hospital and ask a doctor if he may kindly sew my wound for me so that I get this story over with. I was thinking if this was normal?!? I was very confused and at the same time lost all my confidence in the outer world.
My husband called a hospital which he trusted as he had his heart surgeries there, and made an appointment for me. That was in Sept 2003.
At the hospital, another pap test was made. After the results, a biopsy, and after its result, being told that it was malignant and I needed a surgery, I was relieved, (not because of the cancer) but that finally someone can tell me what I have and something will be done about it. The surgery was done on Oct.15,2003.
My surgeon was not expecting the depth of my cancer which had spread to and within the vaginal wall and invaded the paravaginal tissues, up to 2 mm from the rectum wall. After almost 6 hours of local wide excision with partial vaginectomy with a neo-vaginal construction and a small piece of the rectum wall being removed, 24 lymph nodes / deep pelvic nodes in my left groin were dissected (only one surface lymph node was metastised). Margins were enough except for the one near the rectum. That's why radiation therapy was needed.
Part of the skin of the labia majora which was left, was used to close the gap which was left when the skin under it was cut in a stem/stick shape, still attached, and stretched up into the vagina to cover the defect.
My drainage never got less after surgery, so after 4 weeks, they just took the tube out to see what happens. It stopped and healed very quickly without swelling me up. I was lucky.
I was NOT lucky with my gyn. I was stupid too, to take things lightly and just trust my gyn. What was all those regular visits over the years to the gyn office good for? I guess not much for me. I'm learning about second opinions and hope to learn that lesson good.
After coming home from the hospital, being anxious to catch up with the life I left behind, I did too much and I noticed the swelling in my left leg. My lymphedema got worse during the radiation therapy, too. With your lymph nodes removed from your right groin, aren't your legs swollen? If not, you can consider youself very lucky.
I'm sorry for going far into details, getting lengthy, maybe boring you. Letting 'lots of air' do the job and thinking it only can get better makes me feel better. Thanks. If you read this far, I'm very greatful. I didn't realise how much I was writing til now. I just pressed the 'Preview' button and my eyes popped. I'll send it off as it is and not delete a single word. I've had my share of doing things which at the end, turns out to be of no use (if you read what I wrote above).
Misae
Sorry I haven't been on for a while. Hope you don't think I deserted you! I don't have a lot of time right now for a long reply. Will be on again soon.
Hope you are well.
diane0 -
Diane, I think I'm doing ok for the moment. I got my compression stocking and wear them every day. I'm glad that I don't have to bandage my leg every day anymore.dcarl said:Misae,
Sorry I haven't been on for a while. Hope you don't think I deserted you! I don't have a lot of time right now for a long reply. Will be on again soon.
Hope you are well.
diane
I saw my gyn on 25 April for the first follow up since the operation. He gave me a dilator and a hormone cream to use with it. I'll be going back in July and hope he then can check what he wanted to the last time. Otherwise, looking from the outside, he said everythings ok.
The wounds have completely healed and only a small area of the scarring is still sore when it gets too much friction. But it's not too bad. I did worry a bit that the stockings I got wouldn't let the area get aired anymore and then the scar tissues might get inflamed or something, but it did help walking barebottom at home as much as possible.
I also had a bout of erysipelas last month and was on antibiotics.
I'm scared of being bedridden for months again, not being able to take part of the life going on outside my bedroom.
Hope you're doing fine.
Misae0 -
Hi Misae,Misae said:Diane, I think I'm doing ok for the moment. I got my compression stocking and wear them every day. I'm glad that I don't have to bandage my leg every day anymore.
I saw my gyn on 25 April for the first follow up since the operation. He gave me a dilator and a hormone cream to use with it. I'll be going back in July and hope he then can check what he wanted to the last time. Otherwise, looking from the outside, he said everythings ok.
The wounds have completely healed and only a small area of the scarring is still sore when it gets too much friction. But it's not too bad. I did worry a bit that the stockings I got wouldn't let the area get aired anymore and then the scar tissues might get inflamed or something, but it did help walking barebottom at home as much as possible.
I also had a bout of erysipelas last month and was on antibiotics.
I'm scared of being bedridden for months again, not being able to take part of the life going on outside my bedroom.
Hope you're doing fine.
Misae
I'm glad your stockings aren't the nightmare you had imagined! I sure hope they're helping. I'm also glad to hear that you are healing somewhat. I really believe the air is the best medicine(along with some super pain killers!!). I think it dries out the area so it can heal.
good news from your doctor. hope the July visit goes as well.
What is erysipelas? I'm not familiar with the term. Would that be the reason you would be bedridden?
Thanks for the concern regarding my office visit. I did have another biopsy done. He is concerned only because I sometimes baffle him. When he thinks the problem is one thing, it turns out to be something else. some things he thinks are serious have turned out to be not quite so bad. Thank goodness. He just wants to be careful and not let anything go by the wayside. I'm glad he likes to keep on top of things, even if those biopsies are painful. I'll have results a week from this coming Tuesday.
I hope I don't need any more procedures any time soon. I've got so much going on this spring and summer. My oldest daughter will be 18 on Tuesday. She'll be gradualting from high school in June and then moving away for college in August. Got enough emotions going on right now, I don't need something else to worry about!
I'll let you know how my results go. He also took a pap test.
Talk to you soon.
diane:)0 -
Hi Diane!dcarl said:Hi Misae,
I'm glad your stockings aren't the nightmare you had imagined! I sure hope they're helping. I'm also glad to hear that you are healing somewhat. I really believe the air is the best medicine(along with some super pain killers!!). I think it dries out the area so it can heal.
good news from your doctor. hope the July visit goes as well.
What is erysipelas? I'm not familiar with the term. Would that be the reason you would be bedridden?
Thanks for the concern regarding my office visit. I did have another biopsy done. He is concerned only because I sometimes baffle him. When he thinks the problem is one thing, it turns out to be something else. some things he thinks are serious have turned out to be not quite so bad. Thank goodness. He just wants to be careful and not let anything go by the wayside. I'm glad he likes to keep on top of things, even if those biopsies are painful. I'll have results a week from this coming Tuesday.
I hope I don't need any more procedures any time soon. I've got so much going on this spring and summer. My oldest daughter will be 18 on Tuesday. She'll be gradualting from high school in June and then moving away for college in August. Got enough emotions going on right now, I don't need something else to worry about!
I'll let you know how my results go. He also took a pap test.
Talk to you soon.
diane:)
Sounds like you're in good hands concerning medical care. I'm very glad for that. Hope the result comes out good so that you can get all the things coming up and the planned things done.
I was told that I had Erysipelas when my left thigh had many dark red stripes one evening when I took my bandages off (I didn't have stockings yet, then), and it wouldn't go away by next morning. I called my onc and he said I have to take antibiotics without delay. I think some people just call it strep,... I'm not sure, as it is a streptoccus bacteria which in my case entered the skin of my leg. My onc asked if I had fever or headache, and I only could tell him that I thought I'm having hot flashes again and my migraine is back. It's gone now, but I have a ten days portion of antibiotics at home to take immediately if I'll get it again.
I didn't have to stay in bed because of this erysipelas. But when I thought about last winter, during, and the period shortly after radiation therapy, when I wasn't getting my lympf fluid drained by the physiotherapist, I didn't do much but lie in bed with my legs raised when I was at home. My husband had to be gone quite often, and my two (daughter 28, and son 26, this year), were very busy with school and work to visit me often, so I experienced the most lonely time in my life. It's like a bad dream which I can't forget yet.
How exciting it is to be there during such an important time in your daughter's life. I think it'll be a very emotionally demanding period for a mother like you. I truly hope that you can enjoy the coming days without any worries. I almost see the pride and love shining from your eyes!
Will be waiting to hear about the results from your last tests, but in the meantime, I hope you'll enjoy the birthday and can keep yourself from worrying much.
Misae0 -
well so much for optimism. The pre cancerous cells are back. I at least made it a year without a surgery! For that I'm happy. Doc wants to see me june 23rd. Will decide what to do then. My guess is another laser surgery. I can deal with that. I know it isn't going to go away but I have conceded to that. It will always be there.Misae said:Hi Diane!
Sounds like you're in good hands concerning medical care. I'm very glad for that. Hope the result comes out good so that you can get all the things coming up and the planned things done.
I was told that I had Erysipelas when my left thigh had many dark red stripes one evening when I took my bandages off (I didn't have stockings yet, then), and it wouldn't go away by next morning. I called my onc and he said I have to take antibiotics without delay. I think some people just call it strep,... I'm not sure, as it is a streptoccus bacteria which in my case entered the skin of my leg. My onc asked if I had fever or headache, and I only could tell him that I thought I'm having hot flashes again and my migraine is back. It's gone now, but I have a ten days portion of antibiotics at home to take immediately if I'll get it again.
I didn't have to stay in bed because of this erysipelas. But when I thought about last winter, during, and the period shortly after radiation therapy, when I wasn't getting my lympf fluid drained by the physiotherapist, I didn't do much but lie in bed with my legs raised when I was at home. My husband had to be gone quite often, and my two (daughter 28, and son 26, this year), were very busy with school and work to visit me often, so I experienced the most lonely time in my life. It's like a bad dream which I can't forget yet.
How exciting it is to be there during such an important time in your daughter's life. I think it'll be a very emotionally demanding period for a mother like you. I truly hope that you can enjoy the coming days without any worries. I almost see the pride and love shining from your eyes!
Will be waiting to hear about the results from your last tests, but in the meantime, I hope you'll enjoy the birthday and can keep yourself from worrying much.
Misae
Hope you're doing well. i was going through the newest message board. I really wish people had more faith in their doctors. i sincerely cannot believe the doctors are not qualified. Do they honestly think the doctors are there to torture them? They are on our side!! Please give them a break and accept what has happened and try to get through it with as much dignity as possible (given our situation, this can be difficult at times!). I just get angry when people get down on their doctors. You are always free to get a second opinion.
Sorry for the soap box but sometimes things hit a nerve...
I remember about the fluid draining, what a pain. It seemed as if it would never end. Sorry you had to go through that alone. At least you can count on the rest of us if anything else should happen. You won't have to deal with it alone.
take care
Diane 0 -
Hi Diane,dcarl said:well so much for optimism. The pre cancerous cells are back. I at least made it a year without a surgery! For that I'm happy. Doc wants to see me june 23rd. Will decide what to do then. My guess is another laser surgery. I can deal with that. I know it isn't going to go away but I have conceded to that. It will always be there.
Hope you're doing well. i was going through the newest message board. I really wish people had more faith in their doctors. i sincerely cannot believe the doctors are not qualified. Do they honestly think the doctors are there to torture them? They are on our side!! Please give them a break and accept what has happened and try to get through it with as much dignity as possible (given our situation, this can be difficult at times!). I just get angry when people get down on their doctors. You are always free to get a second opinion.
Sorry for the soap box but sometimes things hit a nerve...
I remember about the fluid draining, what a pain. It seemed as if it would never end. Sorry you had to go through that alone. At least you can count on the rest of us if anything else should happen. You won't have to deal with it alone.
take care
Diane
I'm very sorry to read that you got an unwelcomed result. We did hope that it'll never return, but when it does, it's good that we're being checked closely and regularly so that it can be handled in its early stage. You're guessing for a laser surgery to come your way, and I don't know much about it, I never had one, but I guess you'll be discussing with your docter about the other kinds of treatment on 23, June, too.
Lately in the morning when I wake up, I cry regularly for a few minutes before I can get out of bed. I think it's grief for the things which has changed in my every day life. But after I'm up, I keep myself very busy and that exhausts me by the end of the day letting my left leg swell from the lympfedema. A mild depression is getting in the way, but I know I'll get over this one too, like the ones I've had before.
I hunt for things which I can be happy about, on each and every day, and before falling asleep at night, I recall all the collected treasures of the day, and have them all with me when I fall asleep. Sometimes it's in abundance, sometimes it's only a few, but I was never empty handed when dear sleep came.
I wish you the same,
Misae0 -
Hi Misae,Misae said:Hi Diane,
I'm very sorry to read that you got an unwelcomed result. We did hope that it'll never return, but when it does, it's good that we're being checked closely and regularly so that it can be handled in its early stage. You're guessing for a laser surgery to come your way, and I don't know much about it, I never had one, but I guess you'll be discussing with your docter about the other kinds of treatment on 23, June, too.
Lately in the morning when I wake up, I cry regularly for a few minutes before I can get out of bed. I think it's grief for the things which has changed in my every day life. But after I'm up, I keep myself very busy and that exhausts me by the end of the day letting my left leg swell from the lympfedema. A mild depression is getting in the way, but I know I'll get over this one too, like the ones I've had before.
I hunt for things which I can be happy about, on each and every day, and before falling asleep at night, I recall all the collected treasures of the day, and have them all with me when I fall asleep. Sometimes it's in abundance, sometimes it's only a few, but I was never empty handed when dear sleep came.
I wish you the same,
Misae
I'm concerned about your depression. have you seen someone about it? Recently? As long as you wake up in the morning, you have nothing to cry about! This cancer cannot get the better of you. You need to keep your mind off it for a while. Maybe the summer coming will help. I know the long winters and soggy spring around here (Buffalo,NY) make for a really depressing 6 or 8 months. I look forward to keeping busy this summer.
I'm not worried about the laser surgery - where the outer layer of skin is lasered off, I think I'm so deadened nerve ending wise that it doesn't hurt anymore. The 1st one was horrible !!! Talk about pain !!!! I've had 1 since the 1st one, then a tumor removal and lymph removal.
My doc keeps bugging me to get a mammogram. Can't seem to find time to make the appointment. I know it's very important but ...
Hope to find you well - hope this will be one of your good thoughts before your head hits the pillow!!
Keep in touch
Diane 0 -
Hi Diane,dcarl said:Hi Misae,
I'm concerned about your depression. have you seen someone about it? Recently? As long as you wake up in the morning, you have nothing to cry about! This cancer cannot get the better of you. You need to keep your mind off it for a while. Maybe the summer coming will help. I know the long winters and soggy spring around here (Buffalo,NY) make for a really depressing 6 or 8 months. I look forward to keeping busy this summer.
I'm not worried about the laser surgery - where the outer layer of skin is lasered off, I think I'm so deadened nerve ending wise that it doesn't hurt anymore. The 1st one was horrible !!! Talk about pain !!!! I've had 1 since the 1st one, then a tumor removal and lymph removal.
My doc keeps bugging me to get a mammogram. Can't seem to find time to make the appointment. I know it's very important but ...
Hope to find you well - hope this will be one of your good thoughts before your head hits the pillow!!
Keep in touch
Diane
I'm sorry for not getting back here sooner.
I hope you're satisfied with the visit to the doctor yesterday, even if it was for an unpleasant theme and that you have some decisions made as to what will happen next. I hope you still have the feeling of having control of what will be done to you, how, and when.
If you feel that a mammogram IS important, and you can't find time for it, I just hope that you won't feel too bad about the situation and get restless or anxious. There's enough worries and things going on without it.
My depression DID get worse and I can't go on like this. I will get professional help very soon. I was hoping to get over it myself, but it didn't work. I will definitely see that I get help next week.
Today was my husband's birthday, but I ruined half the day by crying and being absent minded. I was feeling guilty for spoiling the day (which makes things even worse), but couldn't do much until later in the afternoon. I felt very bad,... but somehow (I don't know how), I managed to get myself under controll by suppertime.
It's been a soggy spring here too in Baar, Switzerland. Two weeks ago, I went south of the alps, to Venice for a few days and had a wonderfully relaxing time there. The few days after returning home, I was still feeling quite joyful even with all the rain again, and was glad that my mind had been busy with something totally different. But it didn't last long. My hormones seems to be very upset (hotflashes all the time) too.
Hope this summer will be a nice one and helps brighten up our days. I'm thinking about you, and hoping that you're doing ok and feeling strong.
Misae0 -
Misae,Misae said:Hi Diane,
I'm sorry for not getting back here sooner.
I hope you're satisfied with the visit to the doctor yesterday, even if it was for an unpleasant theme and that you have some decisions made as to what will happen next. I hope you still have the feeling of having control of what will be done to you, how, and when.
If you feel that a mammogram IS important, and you can't find time for it, I just hope that you won't feel too bad about the situation and get restless or anxious. There's enough worries and things going on without it.
My depression DID get worse and I can't go on like this. I will get professional help very soon. I was hoping to get over it myself, but it didn't work. I will definitely see that I get help next week.
Today was my husband's birthday, but I ruined half the day by crying and being absent minded. I was feeling guilty for spoiling the day (which makes things even worse), but couldn't do much until later in the afternoon. I felt very bad,... but somehow (I don't know how), I managed to get myself under controll by suppertime.
It's been a soggy spring here too in Baar, Switzerland. Two weeks ago, I went south of the alps, to Venice for a few days and had a wonderfully relaxing time there. The few days after returning home, I was still feeling quite joyful even with all the rain again, and was glad that my mind had been busy with something totally different. But it didn't last long. My hormones seems to be very upset (hotflashes all the time) too.
Hope this summer will be a nice one and helps brighten up our days. I'm thinking about you, and hoping that you're doing ok and feeling strong.
Misae
Well, I'll be having another surgery in September. Doc said there is severe dysplasia about the size of a nickle(about 1/2 inch in diameter)he'd like to remove. Just to keep ahead of things. He will excise it instead of laser surgery. I knew last year I'd have to go through this every so often, so I wasn't really surprised when I got the news. Doc was worried about my reaction to another surgery and asked if I was upset with him! I told him no and that I have faith in him.
I do hope you sought treatment, especially after your husbands birthday. Hope he wasn't too upset over it all. I'll tell you, since I started on anti-depressants I haven't had as many (I won't say none) emotional breakdowns as before. And this was before I found out about the cancer. I feel I have control over myself, I don't cry at the drop of a hat nor do I lash out verbally like I used to. I really felt I was crazy. I hope you get some direction from your doc. Let me know how it goes.
I had no idea you were from Switzerland!! I've never been overseas, I'll bet it's beautiful. Are your summers warm and dry for the most part? Ours are humid and hot although short. I certainly prefer it to our winters, long and cold and snowy. I guess I don't have to tell you about winter though. That's a rough time of year, with the long dark months - that adds to the depression too.
Well, we'll have to enjoy the summer months while they last.
Keep in touch.
Diane 0 -
Misae,dcarl said:Misae,
Well, I'll be having another surgery in September. Doc said there is severe dysplasia about the size of a nickle(about 1/2 inch in diameter)he'd like to remove. Just to keep ahead of things. He will excise it instead of laser surgery. I knew last year I'd have to go through this every so often, so I wasn't really surprised when I got the news. Doc was worried about my reaction to another surgery and asked if I was upset with him! I told him no and that I have faith in him.
I do hope you sought treatment, especially after your husbands birthday. Hope he wasn't too upset over it all. I'll tell you, since I started on anti-depressants I haven't had as many (I won't say none) emotional breakdowns as before. And this was before I found out about the cancer. I feel I have control over myself, I don't cry at the drop of a hat nor do I lash out verbally like I used to. I really felt I was crazy. I hope you get some direction from your doc. Let me know how it goes.
I had no idea you were from Switzerland!! I've never been overseas, I'll bet it's beautiful. Are your summers warm and dry for the most part? Ours are humid and hot although short. I certainly prefer it to our winters, long and cold and snowy. I guess I don't have to tell you about winter though. That's a rough time of year, with the long dark months - that adds to the depression too.
Well, we'll have to enjoy the summer months while they last.
Keep in touch.
Diane
Where are you girlfriend???????
Diane0 -
My Dear Diane,dcarl said:Misae,
Where are you girlfriend???????
Diane
I'm sorry for being absent for such a long time.... I wanted to get back several times, but felt tired on many occassions and out of energy. But I'm feeling better on many days now. Some days I don't have much motivation to do anything and when I pick myself up and get going, by evening I'm dead tired. Still tired the next day, instead of appreciating the fact that I can use the day to recover and relax, the feeling that I'm wasting the day by just letting it past lets a false guilty feeling creep up on me. I fight it back, but this battle with my conscience tires me at the end, so instead of getting the rest I should have gotten, I REALLY wasted the day.
I'll try to do as much as I used to, and then get disappointed when I get sooo tired at the end of the day. I'm reluctant to do many things in fear of this exhaustion. How I wish to be able to do all I was able to do before. I'm still learning what is right for me now. Maybe I pampered myself too long and need to build up my energy again.
My doctor is informed about my tiredness, and he says it's probably from the 6 hours anesthesia I had. He said I shouldn't worry about it and it could take up to a year before I get rid of this weakness I'm experiencing.
I hope everything went well with you and your daughter as well, when she moved this month. It is exciting, but after all the preparations, you could have gotten tired. I hope you are rested and strengthend before you go in next month for your treatment.
Hope you're feeling ok and satisfied.
Glad to know you're there. Thank you Diane!
Misae0 -
Misae,Misae said:My Dear Diane,
I'm sorry for being absent for such a long time.... I wanted to get back several times, but felt tired on many occassions and out of energy. But I'm feeling better on many days now. Some days I don't have much motivation to do anything and when I pick myself up and get going, by evening I'm dead tired. Still tired the next day, instead of appreciating the fact that I can use the day to recover and relax, the feeling that I'm wasting the day by just letting it past lets a false guilty feeling creep up on me. I fight it back, but this battle with my conscience tires me at the end, so instead of getting the rest I should have gotten, I REALLY wasted the day.
I'll try to do as much as I used to, and then get disappointed when I get sooo tired at the end of the day. I'm reluctant to do many things in fear of this exhaustion. How I wish to be able to do all I was able to do before. I'm still learning what is right for me now. Maybe I pampered myself too long and need to build up my energy again.
My doctor is informed about my tiredness, and he says it's probably from the 6 hours anesthesia I had. He said I shouldn't worry about it and it could take up to a year before I get rid of this weakness I'm experiencing.
I hope everything went well with you and your daughter as well, when she moved this month. It is exciting, but after all the preparations, you could have gotten tired. I hope you are rested and strengthend before you go in next month for your treatment.
Hope you're feeling ok and satisfied.
Glad to know you're there. Thank you Diane!
Misae
sorry I have been away for a while. I had surgery on sept. 14th. All went well, a spot was removed that thankfully was all clear. doctor said I may have to have at least one more before everything has been taken care of. I can handle that. he said we should be fine after that. I'll hold him to it!
I'm sorry you're feeling tired and depressed. I think we all slow down with age but want it to be something other than growing old as the reason! I know I can't do half the stuff I used to. I'm always wanting to lay around and find it a struggle to actually get up and do something constructive. After working all day I don't have any motivation to do other stuff - other than shopping that is!
Well, sorry I worried you. Your email didn't come through with a message so I'm responding here.
Thanks for caring and I'll try to be better at keeping in touch
Love
diane0 -
OMG Diane! I haven't been on this site for ages and I'm sorry for not checking back earlier! Woohoo! What a great news that the surgery went well and that all was clear! I'm sooo happy for you, Diane.dcarl said:Misae,
sorry I have been away for a while. I had surgery on sept. 14th. All went well, a spot was removed that thankfully was all clear. doctor said I may have to have at least one more before everything has been taken care of. I can handle that. he said we should be fine after that. I'll hold him to it!
I'm sorry you're feeling tired and depressed. I think we all slow down with age but want it to be something other than growing old as the reason! I know I can't do half the stuff I used to. I'm always wanting to lay around and find it a struggle to actually get up and do something constructive. After working all day I don't have any motivation to do other stuff - other than shopping that is!
Well, sorry I worried you. Your email didn't come through with a message so I'm responding here.
Thanks for caring and I'll try to be better at keeping in touch
Love
diane
I started taking antidepressants last August and it has done wonders for me. Now that it's working, I could go through Thanksgiving like the years before, and this Christmas will be something special for me, as I couldn't do much last year after the surgery. I'm way behind getting ready for Christmas, but I'm not panicky. I just take it easy, and if I can't do all the things I planned to do, well, everyone has to forgive me for that. I decided to be more careful so that I don't get into a stressfull situation. I'm doing not bad at that. I went for the "one year after surgery follow-up" in Oct., and the gyn/onc said everything looks OK. I'll be going back again in April '05. I do have a small bump right where the scar is, which suddenly appeared last Aug., and was making me really scared and nervous. My gyn/onc said that it's probably an ingrown hair or an clogged pore, and not something from HPV. He said if he's wrong, he'll put his hand in a fire. (This is how people swear about something in the German tradition.) Well, I felt relaxed afterwards and felt a lot better.
I guess you're busy now before Christmas, like many others are, so please don't over do it and get too tired. I hope you didn't get the flu this year yet, and will never get one this winter. I've only caught a cold this autumn, but I'm still clearing my throat several times a day because of it.
Diane, I hope you and your family will have a wonderful Holiday season and have a blessed Christmas. I'll try to check in more often to keep in touch with you.
Love,
Misae0 -
Well hello there!! glad to see you back. hope you had a wonderful Christmas. from the sounds of things, you probably did. I knew the drugs would help!! (anti depressants that is)Misae said:OMG Diane! I haven't been on this site for ages and I'm sorry for not checking back earlier! Woohoo! What a great news that the surgery went well and that all was clear! I'm sooo happy for you, Diane.
I started taking antidepressants last August and it has done wonders for me. Now that it's working, I could go through Thanksgiving like the years before, and this Christmas will be something special for me, as I couldn't do much last year after the surgery. I'm way behind getting ready for Christmas, but I'm not panicky. I just take it easy, and if I can't do all the things I planned to do, well, everyone has to forgive me for that. I decided to be more careful so that I don't get into a stressfull situation. I'm doing not bad at that. I went for the "one year after surgery follow-up" in Oct., and the gyn/onc said everything looks OK. I'll be going back again in April '05. I do have a small bump right where the scar is, which suddenly appeared last Aug., and was making me really scared and nervous. My gyn/onc said that it's probably an ingrown hair or an clogged pore, and not something from HPV. He said if he's wrong, he'll put his hand in a fire. (This is how people swear about something in the German tradition.) Well, I felt relaxed afterwards and felt a lot better.
I guess you're busy now before Christmas, like many others are, so please don't over do it and get too tired. I hope you didn't get the flu this year yet, and will never get one this winter. I've only caught a cold this autumn, but I'm still clearing my throat several times a day because of it.
Diane, I hope you and your family will have a wonderful Holiday season and have a blessed Christmas. I'll try to check in more often to keep in touch with you.
Love,
Misae
I'm glad your check up went well. I had that ingrown hair problem once also. sure makes one nervous.
funny you should mention the flu - i am sitting here thinking my throat is feeling sore. i just had a bit of a cold a few weeks back. thought i got rid of it.
do you do anything special for christmas in Switzerland? my daughters ad i spent the day relaxing at home. we didn't have to do any family functions and my husband had to work (the hospital doesn't close for holidays!)
I guess you'll be celebrating the New Year a few hours before we do. We're on New York time. Hope you have an enjoyable night! Once again, we aren't much for parties so will most likely stay in.
I'm so glad to hear you're doing well, you can't imagine. I'm glad you got the help you needed as far as your depression. It sounds like you've really got a handle on things now. Im happy for you.
Have a Safe and happy New Year. Hope to hear from you soon.
Love,
Diane0 -
HAPPY NEW YEAR Diane,dcarl said:Well hello there!! glad to see you back. hope you had a wonderful Christmas. from the sounds of things, you probably did. I knew the drugs would help!! (anti depressants that is)
I'm glad your check up went well. I had that ingrown hair problem once also. sure makes one nervous.
funny you should mention the flu - i am sitting here thinking my throat is feeling sore. i just had a bit of a cold a few weeks back. thought i got rid of it.
do you do anything special for christmas in Switzerland? my daughters ad i spent the day relaxing at home. we didn't have to do any family functions and my husband had to work (the hospital doesn't close for holidays!)
I guess you'll be celebrating the New Year a few hours before we do. We're on New York time. Hope you have an enjoyable night! Once again, we aren't much for parties so will most likely stay in.
I'm so glad to hear you're doing well, you can't imagine. I'm glad you got the help you needed as far as your depression. It sounds like you've really got a handle on things now. Im happy for you.
Have a Safe and happy New Year. Hope to hear from you soon.
Love,
Diane
I hope your throat didn't get worse, and by now it's not sore anymore. Please take care.
I'm glad you had a calm and relaxing Christmas with your daughters. It's too bad that your husband couldn't be home with you and your daughters, but I understand that it has to be like that for some professions. I didn't know that your husband worked at the hospital; what does he do there?
Both of my children work for the railway, but they both managed to get Christmas (25th) off, so they could come over. My daughter's boyfriend came too, and they announced that they are getting married in May, so that was a big Christmas surprise.
My husband and I visited on new year's eve, a family which one of their daughters is my god-daughter. We had dinner together and after midnight played card games with the children until 2 in the morning.
I'm exactly 6 hrs ahead of Buffalo, NY. So if you're staying up late, I might be just getting up. Well, I don't get up that early, so it's likely that we're sleeping at the same moment for at least a few hrs.
Today I finally got the Christmas tree decorations down. I'll have to get them down in the cellar in the next few days, but I'm not in a hurry at all. The tree stays out on the balcony for atleast another month with bird foods hanging on them, so I can watch them come and eat. They do make a mess, but that's my problem with the cleaning up when spring is here.
You said you had an ingrown hair problem once before. What happened to yours? Mine still looks just the same as I found it last summer. I'm wondering if a hair is going to come out of it one day, or if it stays like that forever. I'm not worrying, but just curious. It looks like a beauty mark, but one I can't show off.
Hope 2005 started off good for you and your family. If ever the sun comes out, I'll leave everything as it is, and go outside to enjoy it! I couldn't last winter because of the radiation therapy, so I'm not going to miss the sun this winter (if and whenever it comes out). I live below the fog line, so sometimes I've wished I lived higher up the mountains, and not in a valley.
Love,
Misae0
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