never ending fear

I think we will always have that fear. I'm 39 and I had a radical hestorectomy last year, Feb. 21, plus chemo & radiation. I'm a little scared every time I go back for my follow-ups. I'm just happy that my Doctors are keeping such close tabs on me. My next check up is March 30th and I'm a nervous wreck, but I will keep my head up & be assured that everything will be ok. The hard part IS over, or so I keep telling myself. The fear is always there, though.
You are right though, everyone continues on like nothing ever happened. Everyone except my Mom, and she still worries about me over doing things. I hope we can someday live without the fear of cancer coming back. Hopefully someday soon!
God Bless You and Hope For Peace of Mind.

Hi, I can relate as well. It has been a little over 2 years for myself, chemo-radiation. But like you said, the fear is always there. I know exactly how you feel when it seems others think its over, your fine.. I have said the same things to myself. Like tonight, I came on the website, just to read and talk to ones that understand. I have had some spotting this week. The nurse calmed me down on the phone, she feels it is mainly due to the hormones I'm taking. But I wont feel at peace till I goto the doctor next week... I talked to a friend today who told me to go with my gut. God has given women that instinct, to know if your a over reacting or if it is serious. I then realized I had to listen to it.. my gut tells me everything is fine, but it is just so scary. Brings back up all those bad memories.. Talking to someone, people just does wonders. Just keep talking to those that understand. And remember to "go with your gut".
Take care and God bless.

I'm new to this web site and board, but I just wanted to say that I know how you feel. I thought I was abnormal because of all the fear I was feeling. I was to have a radical hysterectomy this past August. I refer to this surgery as my un-surgery. The hysterecomy could not be completed because the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes. After the un-surgery I went through Chemo and radiation therapy. In October I was told that the cancer was gone. I have two doctors and I'm checked by one of them every month. To add to my fear, my two doctors are at odds with each other about this cancer. One says that because it spread to my lynph nodes there is no question as to if it will come back, but more like it will come back for sure and nothing can be done to get rid of it when it does retun. They can only slow it down to prolong my life. Now, my other doctor states that: "It doesn't have to come back, because we did everything right in our procedure to get rid of it." Needless to say that dosen't make me feel very warm and fuzzy. My family says, that I have to have a positive attitude, the cancer is gone and I have to believe that it won't come back. They tell me that I'm looking for trouble where there is none. I don't think anyone knows how we feel because unless they've been down the dark tunnel called cancer. Someone actually told me, you're 59 years old, we all have to die from something. On the lighter side, I'm back at my job, working non-stop and rejoicing in the birth of my first grandchild. When I get down and scared I think about that beautiful little granddaughter and feel so much better.

I just turned 47. I had surgery in Sept 03, chemo and radiation for a recurrence in 2005. I finished with everything in May 05. EVERY single day, I have a thought of this monster invading my body again. I am a Christian and I used to think I could pray my way through it all. I still do, most days, but there are days when I feel like I am so ungrateful for the blessings I've been given so far by dwelling on what "might happen". The family seems to have moved on, but I live it -second by second. Thanks for expressing how I feel so very explicitly.