Re: New to this site, Need a friend

Hi Venetia,

Am so glad you found this site. I had mastectomy a year ago for stage II breast cancer.

You are so wise in seeking support from others who have "been there, done that". Psychologists and the medical community know that there is no substitute for that kind of support.

I hope you can come often to this discussion board. Reading all the past postings helped me feel supported when i first came here. And eventually i ventured into the chat room and that is very supportive as well. If you choose to try the chat room, it may be helpful to let people know that you are new.

I hear you saying that you put on a happy face for others----that is typical of many of us. I suspect that you are a "giver" and are used to taking care of others on many levels. Is is hard for you to accept help from others?

I wonder if you might practice avoiding the automatic reaction to put the other person at ease, and instead recognize how you are really feeling at that moment. This is about you, and how you are doing. People can only know if we tell them.

At age 28, my first cancer I was much like you. At age 50, second cancer I realized it is easier for me to say how things really are.

I find that people are usually understanding when I say: "Am feeling sad (or mad, or glad, or whatever) today." Followed by "but am too worn out at the moment (if this is appropriate)to talk just now. Catch you later." This in order to save your precious bit of energy to spend with your family.

Your husband sounds like a real sweetie and it likely is harder on him in some ways than it may be on you.

If you can let him know (on a regular basis) that it is his support that is your real cure. Docs know the meds,the frequency,the doses, but it is family and friends who give us the spirit to keep going.

If hubby doubts this, ask him to read any 10 personal web pages on this site. See if each author doesn't credit the support of family & friends and higher power for getting through.

If the medical course is way expensive, the "medicine" your husband offers is absolutely priceless. It cannot be bought at any price---some husbands just walk out. Your husband is a man of strength, his mettle has been tested, tell him he is passing with flying colors!

If people see you as an inspiration, don't let the rest of us box you in----just be yourself, be what you want to be.

However, I must warn you that I also see you as an inspiration. If you can get out of bed tomorrow, then you are an inspiration. If you can continue with treatment #3 after chemo #2, then you are an inspiration. If you can plan on reconstruction after the cancerous destruction of your breast, then you are an inspiration. At least to me.

I saw your original post, printed it off (do you think that may be why it disappeared? lol) because it struck several chords within me. I didn't mean to write a novel--I think i am really writing to myself.

Keep us apprised, Gerry (aka jingle)