Am I nuts??

Hi Rita!

Perfectly normal to feel that way. But just think of how better you'll feel with each passing scan or test to reveal that you're on your way to recovery! I don't think any of us ever really feel "out of the woods"...but it's a good feeling with each day the further you get from your diagnosis date!

Best of everything to you!

Stacy

Rita -

Yup - not only are you not nuts, I'm afraid you are amazingly normal (at least as far as a semi-colon can be)...

Something else you'll probably experience; everytime you get a hangnail, a cough, a stomach ache, or a stubbed toe, there will be a little voice in the back of your head saying "is it back?"

I love Nanuk's Robert Frost. My own version is:

When in danger, when in doubt; run in circles, scream and shout.

STAY well!

- SpongBob

Actually, I think you are nuts. Not really. I was just so tired, literally, and tired of being sick and having the squirts that I was ready to be done -- FOREVER. I'm really not that scared or a reoccurance. I have changed my diet, and lifestyle, and because of the strict regimen from my doctor, I have peace of mind with every check-up. Colon Cancer is SOOOO preventable. If you end up with another polyp during a colonoscopy, they simply remove it, usually, they don't even have you do chemo unless you are at stage 3 or higher, which wouldn't happen with a small polyp caught early. I do have dreams however that at my check-ups that the doctor has me take a dose of chemo just as a precautionary measure. Invariably, I wake up angry, afraid, and frustrated that my DR. didn't tell me this was part of the protocol. I am happy that you only have a few treatements left. Be sure to ask your Dr. to prescribe a CT before they declare your treatment over. My Dr. did and I didn't want to do it, but it really confirmed to me that the cancer had not spread and that it was GONE from my colon. That gave me more peace of mind than anything else.

kerry said:

You are VERY normal to feel as you do. I completed my 6 months of chemo last July and I was so scared to stop, fearful that if I stopped the cancer would reappear. So far, I have been cancer free - however I did have a lot of anxieties about having my medi-port removed, but my doctor encouraged me to do so. I am feeling great now. I have not weaned myself off of my doctors yet. I go every month for blood tests, I had a colonoscopy in October and I go to my internist every three months, but I have a great group of doctors that have been very supportive of me and my fears of separation. I am getting on with my life and trying to put the cancer fear on the back burner. I read in another message that any pain or "different" feeling in the body sends fear - well it certainly does - my advice is to find a doctor who is sympathetic to your emotional needs as well as physical. My internist is a colon cancer survivor and he is wonderful support. I wish you all the luck and a healthy long life. Live it fully everyday. Kerry

Kerry,
I'm surprised your doctor had your port removed so soon. I finished chemo last August, and my oncologist wants me to keep my port for several years due to the high chance of recurrence/metastasis. I am assuming that since you had 6 mos. of chemo that you were at least Stage III, or am I wrong? I'd love to get rid of the port -- it really kind of creeps me out every time I see it. I've been feeling fine, too, but I did have a lot of lymph node involvement, so I suppose that's why I'm still stuck with the port.

bug

No one from Indiana could be nuts! We might be Insane, but not nuts. What you are feeling is normal for most of us that have been through it. I think what happens is that once you hear the "C" word, you start developing a plan on how to kick it...then when you start nearing the final stages of treatment, you wonder if you got it all, and what do you do next, because up to this point you didn't have too many choices. Like all the others have said, take it one day at a time, and before you know it you'll be planning other stuff besides treatments!