people and phone calls

Rizzo, I don't know why, but we cannot reply directly to your message line. I told very few people... for a long time, I had only told my husband, our 2 adult sons, a dear friend who is also a colleague but repeats nothing and has a sister in a foreign country with breast cancer, and my hairdresser, since I stopped going needless to say while bald for 6 months and did not want her to feel that she had done anything to lose me as a customer.

When I was hospitalized unexpectedly and one of my six sisters called, my husband spoke about it with her. My internist told me I had a moral obligation to inform all of my sisters, so when I was feeling better, I sent each one a note that ended with the words "I do not wish to discuss this." Subsequently, one sister told my father and all of them have told their significant others and children.

I have no difficulty fielding inquiries by simply saying "That is not up for discussion. How are you?" The reason I have no problem being blunt is that when certain people are finished with the phone call, they go on with their lives feeling that they have fulfilled a duty, while I am left staring at the ceiling all night with thoughts running through my head. I do not have the resources to waste right now on tolerating anything I don't want to. Hope this either helps or gives you a chuckle.
Love,
Denise

I understand how you feel. I work in a close knit office so there was no choice but to let everyone know. However, we do have a lot of traffic here and some of our customers know about my illness. I chose only to tell a few because I did not want anyone burying me prematurely. Plus I absolutely detest that "poor baby" look that I tend to get so often. I talk to those I feel comfortable with (which is all we can do) and pray about the rest. We are in a situation where some people just don't know what to say to us. I see the blank stares a lot of those that are loss for words. The important thing is that we talk to somebody..I have found a lot of open hearts here. So I am truly grateful to all who have pulled me through over the last several months. Our road is not an easy one but we travel it with those who truly know what our day is like.

lynne40 said:

I was totally the same way when first diagnosed. I am a very private person and would rather deal on my terms considering at the end of every day I am the one with cancer and my feelings count. I told my kids, my parents and my siblings and 2 close friends. I don't like pity either. Now that I have completed chemo 3 months ago surprisingly I find it easier to talk about. But I feel better and I feel better about myself, but I too had a "let's not discuss it costantly" attitude. You are not alone, others have felt like you do too. Hang in there! I have a question of my own. My eyelashes and eyebrows came back quickly, but after 3 months they have fallen out again! Anyone else have that happen?

Someone previously mentioned that her eye doctor explained the eyelashes are really in 3 rows, not one, and they grow back at different times. I, too, have a sort of on again/off again business going on with the eyelashes, and the eyebrows look full one day and sparse in places the following week. My hair has grown about 2 1/2 inches long (last chemo was August 11th) and it looks pretty much like a head of hair now, although the only thing I can "do" with it is comb it straight out from my head which gives a finger-stuck-in-a-light-socket sort of look.
Hugs,
Denise