stomach cancer

2bhealed · January 2004

Hi all my semi-colon pals!

My father-in-law is getting his entire stomach removed today due to cancer. I ask for your prayers for him. He lost his wife 4 years ago to cancer (she went very very quickly and died on his 70th birthday).

I have to fight the urge to overload him with healing info at this point of his journey....you know me....Miss-Don't-Eat-Sugar-Or-Meat-Or-Dairy-Right-Now! And take those supplements! And drink your carrot juice! And add your Barley Greens!

This will be an exercise in self-restraint to say the least.

He seems to have a good attitude about this so that is in his favor.

Unfortunately it brought up some old issues for me in regards to how my in-laws treated me after my diagnosis....like my MIL did not even ACKNOWLEDGE my surgery or cancer...no card...no phone call....no nuttin'. Some sent flowers and that was it....no call to their brother to see how he was doing with all of this (or how I was doing) from some of them. It really sucked. And my FIL never called or anything either. It was as if I did not exist or that they did not care that their brother/son was going through this!! It was pretty awful.....but typical of this family sad to say.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I pray for this to be an opportunity to heal family discord and for FIL's healing period!

peace, emily the muzzled radical :-)

jsabol · January 2004

Hi Emily,
Sorry to hear of your FIL's illness. As a nurse in dementia care, I have done a lot of family education and support. One phrase that I have used freq is "An illness like this can bring out the best or the worst in individuals and families". Just recovering from my own Ca surgery, I see it all unfold in my friends and family. For the most part, I have been very lucky, but it did take my husband's brother 6 wks to call, and he lives 30 minutes away.
Some people just cannot bear to look on the face of illness; their spirits must be diminished by that fact. Focus on your supports and your own amazing internal strengths. My thoughts are with you.

nanuk · January 2004

Dear Muzzled; just your presence may be the light he needs to see his way through this - he is fortunate to have you.. and his beautiful granddaughter. I have to believe that this whole catastrophe we call life is merely boot camp for the better one. Best Wishes, Bud

Unknown · January 2004

Hi Emily:

Sorry to hear about your father-in-law, but glad to know that you have let by gones be by gones and are truly concerned for his well being. He will most definitely be included in my prayers...probably already is because praying for a cure to cancer is number one priority with me..and that encompasses a whole bunch of folks.

Emily, I know the mixed emotions that you face in dealing with this. It's hard not to be bitter and hold "grudges". But you are better than that. By being the caring, wonderful, person that you are by God's given nature, it's not in you to treat your FIL the same way that you were treated and besides, what good is a "now you know how it feels" to a person that is already in much pain. You've picked the right place to vent...better here than with your family, which would, in my opinion, throw them into an awkward position.

My BIL has hardly ever called to see how is brother (Bert) is doing...his wife does, but not him. And it hurts Bert...believe me, it does. And yet when he hears about the slightest health problems from his mom that are affecting his brother, Bert calls him right away...as a friend, as a brother, but most importantly to let his brother know that he's there for him. And as a result, there can never be any regrets on Bert's part for not doing the right thing.

Just my 2 cents worth.

Fondly,
Monika

StacyGleaso · January 2004

I know I don't need to give you the official "It'll be ok" talk...but regardless of the outcome, it is fulfilling something in the "big picture." I think your bravery and independence may be intimidating to your in laws (or should I say outlaws?) They think that just because you are pulling through with flying colors, you don't need any positive reinforcement. But I don't have to tell you, as you are one smart cookie!

I'll pray that your father-in-law finds comfort in his outcome...and that the rest of your in laws find their hearts where ever they may be located...

Stacy

aspaysia · January 2004

It is true that a crisis brings out the best and worst in people. In my case it was the former. When I was diagnosed two years ago all feuds were brought to an abrupt halt as the family rallied around to take care of me. People that I thought were strong became blubbering babies. And some with a reputation for fragility were real bricks. Unused to the limelight I wanted to crawl away somewhere and hide but learned to relax, allowing others to take care of me. I was spoiled rotten in no time at all. My reign as Queen of the Brats came to an end as the test results improved. We have always been a contentious lot but a mellow air has settled on the family. Little flareups don't last as the generations realise how little time we have together on this earth.
Asp

spongebob · January 2004

Em -

Perhaps mending your relationship is the silver lining to this cloud. Remember what Confuscious said: "The wrong someone does you only keeps hurting if you let it". (or something like that. Of course he probably said it in Chinese)

- SB

Pewter · January 2004

I hope your FIL's surgery went well, and that he has the most positive outcome possible. In spite of the avoidance from your in-laws, you have obviously received considerable support from your own family. This in itself will help you though the "old issues", and allow your behavior to be more appropriate.

In spite of any of the "cancer psychology" stuff I read, I still fail to understand this "worst" behavior that our cancer brings out in others. As if the issue of dealing with cancer itself isn't enough, we also have to justify how difficult it is for others. I know we can't change the behavior of these people, and we must accept and move on, but sometimes I just want to scream "It really is about ME - At least partially!!!"

I've been a daily passive observer on this site for some time, and only occassionally add my two cents, but I am endlessly struck by how familiar all your issues sound to me. I appreciate you all.

Clearly, Emily, your healing has already begun.

stomach cancer

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