angry.....really angry with people

SweetSue
SweetSue Member Posts: 217
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
I've been dealing with breast cancer remarkably well until now. I get so angry with people. For instance, my mother-in-law and cousin were talking about what a bad year this has been.....so many relatives (many in their 80's) have had operations. They went on to list them , but neglected to include my mastectomies and chemo . Should I feel offended? This is only one example.....it seems everyone is making me upset. I really think, many relatives and friends have not been there for me during the last 10 months, and I'm speaking out now.
I'm even angry with myself for being upset; I am truly blessed in many ways.

Comments

  • jeancmici
    jeancmici Member Posts: 665 Member
    #2
    Why SWEET onion! Just kidding you because of your forum name. I completely understand your feelings. Why did you not mention your operation and treatments? is it possible they did not mention your troubles out of kindness in front of you - guess I'm stretching it. I get sick of the statements some people make - they sound so ignorant. I used to be ignorantabout a lot concerning cancer, but at least I kept my mouth shut.

    Hope you are able to experience some nice times VERY soon.

    Hugs, jean
  • banker
    banker Member Posts: 317 Member
    #3
    Know how it feels, sweet onion.People are very ignorant and you get hurt in the process. When you are done with surgery and treatments they think all is well, but we know better, right?? Hang in there, blow some steam right here. It helps. (( hugs )) emmi
  • banker
    banker Member Posts: 317 Member
    #4
    jeancmici said:

    Why SWEET onion! Just kidding you because of your forum name. I completely understand your feelings. Why did you not mention your operation and treatments? is it possible they did not mention your troubles out of kindness in front of you - guess I'm stretching it. I get sick of the statements some people make - they sound so ignorant. I used to be ignorantabout a lot concerning cancer, but at least I kept my mouth shut.

    Hope you are able to experience some nice times VERY soon.

    Hugs, jean

    Hi Jean, how are you? Here we are New Years eve talking on the internet... kinda funny I think. Hope you are doing ok ?? (( hugs )) Emmi
  • Designer
    Designer Member Posts: 22
    #5
    Do not be to mad at yourself. I am being even worse. I read a two page article in the local paper today about my aunt and cousin. It was about their fight with cancer. And instead of feeling glad I felt angry , alone and hurt. And this aunt before her cancer made me go in for a follow up and paid for it. They are good people. It is 2 years later and I am concerned that mine may have came back and I guess maybe envious of the funds , support and ease of treatment they had going for them. While I am sitting here wondering if I even want to find out if it has returned as I have no way to deal with it. I hate pitty parties!!!!!! I usually refuse to let any guest come to them. I do not think people could possibly understand what one goes through with cancer. I know there is no way I could possibly discribe it in any way that would do it justice. Kemo brain has to be experianced to understand. I felt I had it easy compared to most but now I am concerned and I also now am feeling the anger you speak of. It does not make me feel very good about myself. That in turn adds to my angery feelings. A freind once told me I have a right to my feelings and I do not owe any one an explination. So remember you have a right to your feelings and in some cases they are well earned and you do not owe anyone an explination. You own them they are yours and you have a right to them..Feel free to have them. The one thing I caution myself is watch how I choose to react to them and do not wallow in them.
  • jeancmici
    jeancmici Member Posts: 665 Member
    #6
    banker said:

    Hi Jean, how are you? Here we are New Years eve talking on the internet... kinda funny I think. Hope you are doing ok ?? (( hugs )) Emmi

    Well, Emmi, certainly not living it up here on NewYear's eve.- home in my housecoat recovering from port insertion yesterday - the area hurts but I am more used to it today than last night. Still feeling cautious that it is ok etc. - I am a real skeptic lately.

    Here's to the remainder of an exciting evening
    :-)
    Jean
  • blossomtime
    blossomtime Member Posts: 98
    #7
    banker said:

    Know how it feels, sweet onion.People are very ignorant and you get hurt in the process. When you are done with surgery and treatments they think all is well, but we know better, right?? Hang in there, blow some steam right here. It helps. (( hugs )) emmi

    So true. I think they feel when treatment done it is all over with. Little do they know that it will be with us forever, the worry over every little ache or pain. I worry how far to plan ahead. Little things like, why should I take out a 2 yr subscription at a savings, who knows what 2 yrs will bring. Stupid huh. Sharon
  • SweetSue
    SweetSue Member Posts: 217
    #8
    Designer said:

    Do not be to mad at yourself. I am being even worse. I read a two page article in the local paper today about my aunt and cousin. It was about their fight with cancer. And instead of feeling glad I felt angry , alone and hurt. And this aunt before her cancer made me go in for a follow up and paid for it. They are good people. It is 2 years later and I am concerned that mine may have came back and I guess maybe envious of the funds , support and ease of treatment they had going for them. While I am sitting here wondering if I even want to find out if it has returned as I have no way to deal with it. I hate pitty parties!!!!!! I usually refuse to let any guest come to them. I do not think people could possibly understand what one goes through with cancer. I know there is no way I could possibly discribe it in any way that would do it justice. Kemo brain has to be experianced to understand. I felt I had it easy compared to most but now I am concerned and I also now am feeling the anger you speak of. It does not make me feel very good about myself. That in turn adds to my angery feelings. A freind once told me I have a right to my feelings and I do not owe any one an explination. So remember you have a right to your feelings and in some cases they are well earned and you do not owe anyone an explination. You own them they are yours and you have a right to them..Feel free to have them. The one thing I caution myself is watch how I choose to react to them and do not wallow in them.

    good point.....how we choose to react to our feelings.....I reacted to my cousins' ignorance be lashing out via email , and now they're angry with me....not sure if relationships will be able to be repaired there. With my mother-in-law , I prayed to God for guidance, and I handled it much better.
    Thanks to all of you who responded. THis was the first place I came this morning hoping for some advice.
  • SweetSue
    SweetSue Member Posts: 217
    #9
    blossomtime said:

    So true. I think they feel when treatment done it is all over with. Little do they know that it will be with us forever, the worry over every little ache or pain. I worry how far to plan ahead. Little things like, why should I take out a 2 yr subscription at a savings, who knows what 2 yrs will bring. Stupid huh. Sharon

    I think if we picture ourselves very old, we'll buy the 2 year subscription.
  • SweetSue
    SweetSue Member Posts: 217
    #10
    jeancmici said:

    Well, Emmi, certainly not living it up here on NewYear's eve.- home in my housecoat recovering from port insertion yesterday - the area hurts but I am more used to it today than last night. Still feeling cautious that it is ok etc. - I am a real skeptic lately.

    Here's to the remainder of an exciting evening
    :-)
    Jean

    Jean, sorry to hear about your situation. What I'm complaining about seems stupid, when we're all fighting for our lives.
  • SweetSue
    SweetSue Member Posts: 217
    #11
    Designer said:

    Do not be to mad at yourself. I am being even worse. I read a two page article in the local paper today about my aunt and cousin. It was about their fight with cancer. And instead of feeling glad I felt angry , alone and hurt. And this aunt before her cancer made me go in for a follow up and paid for it. They are good people. It is 2 years later and I am concerned that mine may have came back and I guess maybe envious of the funds , support and ease of treatment they had going for them. While I am sitting here wondering if I even want to find out if it has returned as I have no way to deal with it. I hate pitty parties!!!!!! I usually refuse to let any guest come to them. I do not think people could possibly understand what one goes through with cancer. I know there is no way I could possibly discribe it in any way that would do it justice. Kemo brain has to be experianced to understand. I felt I had it easy compared to most but now I am concerned and I also now am feeling the anger you speak of. It does not make me feel very good about myself. That in turn adds to my angery feelings. A freind once told me I have a right to my feelings and I do not owe any one an explination. So remember you have a right to your feelings and in some cases they are well earned and you do not owe anyone an explination. You own them they are yours and you have a right to them..Feel free to have them. The one thing I caution myself is watch how I choose to react to them and do not wallow in them.

    Perhaps your aunt and cousin have some connections or access to information which could help you financially.
  • DeeNY711
    DeeNY711 Member Posts: 476 Member
    #12
    Practically everybody who has been through what we have been through finds themselves at some point on the very same page you are on, Sweet-onion. At family gatherings, it is always safest to talk about the people who are not there, so my first thought was whether the listed relatives were also at the gathering or not. In any case, it is quite common to discover that the people from whom you would expect support are really not there in the way that others from whom you would never expect encouragement and kindness come through for you! Celebrate the jewels. The others may have been trying to respect your efforts to regain wellbeing by not placing you in the category of poor sorry souls. Sometimes it helps to figure out two possible explanations for an action by someone else that has upset you: one you can live with and the other you can growl about in private. In all honesty, if my mother-in-law and cousin were discussing the family sick list and made reference to my mastectomies, chemo and radiation at a family gathering, I would be incensed that they were getting banal conversational milage out of my difficulties. It is possible they did not include you because you have restored yourself to a level of function that reflects good health. Many of my family members think that since treatment concluded on 12/10/03, everything is perfectly fine now. They do not have even an inkling of the terror we walk through. At least we all have each other here.
    Love,
    Denise
  • hummingbyrd
    hummingbyrd Member Posts: 950 Member
    #13
    DeeNY711 said:

    Practically everybody who has been through what we have been through finds themselves at some point on the very same page you are on, Sweet-onion. At family gatherings, it is always safest to talk about the people who are not there, so my first thought was whether the listed relatives were also at the gathering or not. In any case, it is quite common to discover that the people from whom you would expect support are really not there in the way that others from whom you would never expect encouragement and kindness come through for you! Celebrate the jewels. The others may have been trying to respect your efforts to regain wellbeing by not placing you in the category of poor sorry souls. Sometimes it helps to figure out two possible explanations for an action by someone else that has upset you: one you can live with and the other you can growl about in private. In all honesty, if my mother-in-law and cousin were discussing the family sick list and made reference to my mastectomies, chemo and radiation at a family gathering, I would be incensed that they were getting banal conversational milage out of my difficulties. It is possible they did not include you because you have restored yourself to a level of function that reflects good health. Many of my family members think that since treatment concluded on 12/10/03, everything is perfectly fine now. They do not have even an inkling of the terror we walk through. At least we all have each other here.
    Love,
    Denise

    What can I say....the ladies are right.
    You do have a right to your feelings, but don't let anger and bitterness eat you up.
    I can see why you'd be mad, I had no support from my in-laws. Sister-in-law never even called, said she didn't want to 'bother' me. Mother-in-law wouldn't even come around the block one night to feed my kids, said don't you have lunchables in the refrigerator? Terribly cruel now that I think about it. Oh well, we've made amends, send your cousin another email, you'll feel better for it.
    You can pick your friends, but not your family! This disease let's you find out real quick just who your friends are and who you can count on. If you are surprised by the outcome, trust me, it's not worth dwelling on. After the diagnosis there's so much more to life than before. Other people just don't get it, consequently they miss out on a lot of living!
    God bless! hummingbyrd
  • maggs
    maggs Member Posts: 164
    #14
    I am having a hard time getting my family to get together this holiday season. Everyone is "busy." Maybe it's a national trend now because there's no surplus money any more or maybe everyone feels like they have enough of their own problems to deal with...I can't understand the negative vibes
    either! So I'm glad I saw this message because I feel less alone in my difficulties. I hope the climate changes in 2004. I will try to be more sympathetic to other people's difficulties rather than always looking for support for myself. A good New Year's resolution, I hope! Maybe if I am more giving, it will make a difference...Maggs
  • Designer
    Designer Member Posts: 22
    #15
    One thing I notice is people seem to think cancer is less serious then it use to be becasue of all the treatments available. They do not seem to realize the treatments and side effects are still hell and one could still die. No matter how much more sucess we have with treatments the results are still called being in remission it is not called cured. Funny seems people understand it better when an alcoholic or sex offender is not cured only under control with a chance of it recurring.
  • SweetSue
    SweetSue Member Posts: 217
    #16
    maggs said:

    I am having a hard time getting my family to get together this holiday season. Everyone is "busy." Maybe it's a national trend now because there's no surplus money any more or maybe everyone feels like they have enough of their own problems to deal with...I can't understand the negative vibes
    either! So I'm glad I saw this message because I feel less alone in my difficulties. I hope the climate changes in 2004. I will try to be more sympathetic to other people's difficulties rather than always looking for support for myself. A good New Year's resolution, I hope! Maybe if I am more giving, it will make a difference...Maggs

    I just wrote a letter on behalf of a lady who has 2 types of cancer....stage 4. It made me feel better to help someone.
  • jake10
    jake10 Member Posts: 202
    #17
    Designer said:

    One thing I notice is people seem to think cancer is less serious then it use to be becasue of all the treatments available. They do not seem to realize the treatments and side effects are still hell and one could still die. No matter how much more sucess we have with treatments the results are still called being in remission it is not called cured. Funny seems people understand it better when an alcoholic or sex offender is not cured only under control with a chance of it recurring.

    Boy are you angry. If it can't be resolved, please choose to let it go. It can only cause you pain.
    Others don't understand cancer, that is why this site is here. Here someone else has gone through what we face. They understand. We are fortunate to have each other.
    Get your **** out here and then leave it and don't pick it back up. Move on. We all know better than most that life can be very short. Use our moments wisely.
    Sounds kind of Pollyanna, but that's how I see it. Love, Beth
  • nancys
    nancys Member Posts: 323
    #18
    Vandallia Onions are my favorite and they are very sweet. People seldom live up to our expectations SweetOnion, but we have to remember that the expectations are "ours". My TWO best friends ignored my situation and one lived only a block from my home. She never called nor visited for the whole time. After it was all over, she told me she was never sure when to call for fear I might be sleeping or feeling unwell....The other friend (for 35 years) just ignored all of it. She called a year later from her car phone while driving to visit her daughter and SHE was BORED....This forum was my refuge. Here we all know the trials, the pain, the FEARS and we console one another. I have met the smartest and most compasionate women, right here, that I will ever know in my lifetime. This is our blessing and forget the others who really mean no harm but just do not understand. Hugs, Nancy
  • SweetSue
    SweetSue Member Posts: 217
    #19
    nancys said:

    Vandallia Onions are my favorite and they are very sweet. People seldom live up to our expectations SweetOnion, but we have to remember that the expectations are "ours". My TWO best friends ignored my situation and one lived only a block from my home. She never called nor visited for the whole time. After it was all over, she told me she was never sure when to call for fear I might be sleeping or feeling unwell....The other friend (for 35 years) just ignored all of it. She called a year later from her car phone while driving to visit her daughter and SHE was BORED....This forum was my refuge. Here we all know the trials, the pain, the FEARS and we console one another. I have met the smartest and most compasionate women, right here, that I will ever know in my lifetime. This is our blessing and forget the others who really mean no harm but just do not understand. Hugs, Nancy

    thanks to all of you who have responded.....a long walk and some good advice.....one must forgive to be forgiven and forgiveness sets us free to enjoy life....has made me more sensible.
    Oh, I can't seem to get to my emails.....maybe hubby will help me later.
  • hummingbyrd
    hummingbyrd Member Posts: 950 Member
    #20
    SweetSue said:

    thanks to all of you who have responded.....a long walk and some good advice.....one must forgive to be forgiven and forgiveness sets us free to enjoy life....has made me more sensible.
    Oh, I can't seem to get to my emails.....maybe hubby will help me later.

    AMEN!
    Sweet-onion you just summed it up very well!
    By George I think you've got it! LOL
    God bless you! (((HUGS))) hummb

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