out of the blue

Here's something to take your mind off breast cancer: acute appendicitis. Yup, August 2 I had the worst heartburn. I said to my husband "must've been that pork sandwich last night." Uncomfortable night Saturday, with pain in my lower right abdomen. Sunday morning we went to breakfast, I made the family eat and then off to the emergency room. At 10am I had a room in the ER. At 6:30pm I was being wheeled to my hospital room following emergency surgery. Great. I already had 3 surgeries this past year! Anyway, I spent 3 days in hospital, went home Tuesday night 8/5 and since then been creeping around because my tummy is a big owwie. I am on the mend -- better every day. My friends and family cannot believe this after my year with cancer, and frankly, neither can I. Ah well, life throws us curves and we either duck or take it full in the face.
You never know with side effects. My stay in the hospital meant that for 3 full days I had no cigarettes. I was in effect beating the hard part of quitting by being on an IV and not able to do more than creep to the bathroom and back to bed. No smoking. And by Tuesday night I knew that the physical part was over and I just had to deal with the habit part. I also am trying to be intellectual about it by telling myself that one is too many and one is not enough, so none is my choice today.
I don't know if any of you are dealing with smoking as well as coping with cancer. My choice at the time of my cancer treatment was to not try to quit and my doctors agreed. It is a monumental hurdle to quit (I've done it several times), and takes more than you know you have. Yet here is another moment in time: I've been "smoke-free" for 20 days. And I am still grieving the loss of my "friend" as I really had no opportunity to say goodbye -- didn't know that the last one I had would be the last one. My dear husband also quit and we have moments when we agree that now would be a good time for a cigarette, but talk each other out of it.
One more thing. When I was in the hospital, they would not let me take my own medication. So I was not able to continue my Tamoxifen pills. Actually, it was two weeks without them and the nights were so sweet! I slept 6 hours IN-A-ROW! No hot flashes every two hours, just my normal chemo-pause flashes every 4 to 6 hours. But alas, I went back on the Tamoxifen last week and it is terminal meltdown, waaah.