Husband had surgery for colon cancer

My situation is different...my husband is going through chemo/radiation before having colon cancer surgery...but I too would love someone to chat that is also a caregiver for a colon cancer survivor...

My significant other had his colostomy done on 7/28/03. He is facing 4 months of chemo, hopefully to begin the first of next month,(DEC) due to one malignant lymph node. The delay of the chemo is because of an infection in the rectal area, which had to be packed with 4x4 gauze to help it heal from the inside out. We have no health insurance and this required a skilled nurse to make home visits until I could be trained in the wound care procedure. I did this for 8 weeks, daily, and it was such an emotional drain for me because I knew it was very painful to him.

With this out of the way, I felt that we were at a point in his recovery that he could begin taking an active part in our relationship. In making him aware of my needs, he told me that he didn't have the energy to put into his recovery and the relationship, so we agreed that he should live elsewhere to keep our friendship intact. I see him on a daily basis but the hardest thing for me to accept is that this cancer is one thing that I can not fix for him.

We had been through so much, up to this point in the illness, that I knew that if he needed his energy for his recovery, the relationship could wait. He has become severely depressed and is in denial about it. I think the pain medication has been taken long enough that if he runs out before he can get his prescription filled, his "friends" help him aquire street drugs to keep him from being sick from withdrawl pains. Our sex life is non-existant. He tried once since surgery and his "equipment" didn't work properly. He was told by the drs that this was normal due to the trauma his body had been through and there was a possibility of it functioning properly in the future, but he refuses to try again,For whatever reason he may have. He is the kind of person that believes if you don't discuss a problem, then there is no problem. I have suggested counseling but also told him that if he went and was not completely honest about his "self-medicating" , he would be having sex....with himself.

It has gotten to the point that I realize that no matter how much I want him to WANT to get better, it's all up to him. I do not want to frighten you even more with my story, but it doesn't hurt to see it from all angles. You and your husband are facing a very frightening time in your lives. There is no predicting how he will act with this diagnosis. I believe that if I had been better prepared, I might be dealing with my situation a little better, instead of feeling like I've been blind-sided.

Someone told me today that "Knowing when to quit may be my greatest victory"....Bull...I'm not giving up on him or our relationship until I'm satisfied that I have done all I can do to save him and us.

hello my husband had colon ca last year and had surgery and radiation he survie it but it was a long haul. now we are dealing with radiation excellerate ra and have to deal with surgery for hips replacement there is alot i can share with you do not hesitate to e mail me i be glad to talk and ans any questions as a wife myself.