panicky 1 yr. after treatment ended

I think that almost every single one of us has had the exact same thing occur, but it happens at different times for different people. I'm still on chemo, youngest son just became engaged to be married, and his wonderful fiance will be student teaching next semester and then going on to earn her masters degree. Wise move. However, my timeline anxiety went into overdrive wondering whether I will live long enough to see my first grandchild. Logically speaking, that is a fairly ridiculous concern since treatment = extended life. Practically speaking, I recently had a life threatening complication related to a thrombosed port shooting a bloodclot into a vein and pressing up against the junction of the jugular. Circulation was cut off to the left arm. Dark purple arm, light gray spots, a week in the hospital and now on anticoagulants for at least 6 months. Chemo makes the results of every lab draw more and more outrageously
"off." We all go through so much, no small wonder that after our minds have been through the wringer, our thoughts take unusual turns. Hugs, Denise

hummingbyrd said:

Sorry about your anxiety, went through the same thing after treatments ended and labs were 'normal'. Got to thinking, what if it comes back? these labs are normal but what about the next ones?... on and on it was driving me crazy. Then I remembered, I made it this far one day at a time and by the grace of God thats how I'll live the rest of my life. None of us are promised anything more than today, cancer or not. Look at 9/11...who expected that? Someone has a car wreck, heart attack, etc. Satan's just messing with your mind, using your own fear to drive you nuts. Tell him, "Satan, I rebuke you in the name of the Lord. You have no power over me so take a hike. I will not live in fear, because I have nothing to fear."
If you know Christ as your Savior there is no fear in death. Now I pray for God to provide you with a peace like nothing else on earth. May you live each day to the fullest, enjoying all of life's little blessings!
God bless. hummingbyrd

Hummingbyrd, I just read your answer to Panicky after one year and loved it. I am seven months out of treatment and trying to hold it all together at this house and go with my husband daily for radiation for prostate cancer.He has three left of 42 so we are seeing the end. I have had to hold on one day at a time as I see all the people with cancer once again at treatment. I had A/C,lumpectomy and radiation and not sure I will ever feel really good again. A great deal of breast swelling and a bit more pain then I like! Say a pray for us as it seems that is all that is getting us through this. Friends had a way of disappearing by the time the second one of us started to deal with this. Linda

During my treatment I was so focused on treatment and that I was doing something to prevent a recurrance. Well, when my treatment ended I had to focus on all the emotions and fears that I had put aside. In other words, I didn't feel powerless as long as I was "doing" treatment. After treatment, it's like you're left standing there thinking ok, now what do I do? Oh, I have to live life after this whole ordeal, and I'm not the same. It takes time to make choices about how you will live your life, what's important, and how to keep living joyfully after facing mortality. The emotional healing is a long process, that is what I'm discovering, but I also feel more connected than ever spiritually and also know that for everyone of us...cancer or not...all we have is today. The cancer strips away "our" comfortable denial. It rocks our world and we have to create a new foundation. It can be exciting as well as scarey. Just think of the wisdom you will have as you successfully find the deeper meanings to life and spirit. My thoughts are with you. Stephanie