The rug was just pulled out from under me.

SCmom · June 2003

Thank all of you first for your replies to "I was just diagnosed" I met with my surgeon on Monday. She was GREAT. She spent an hour and a half with my husband and I. She did tell me there is concern that part of my tumor may be invasive. She went over the pros and cons of a Lumpectomy and Mascectomy. She also discussed her concerns about getting good margins because of the location of the tumor. She scheduled surgery for July 7th and said I had time to make my decision. She referred me to a Plastic Surgeon to talk to him and a Radiation Oncologist to talk to her. She also requested a diagnostic mammogram of my other breast. Then the rug got pulled out. She called me and told me she was immediately being deployed overseas!!!! She could not be my doctor.!!!!! I have now gone from a young compassionate woman to a old uncompassionat man. I met with the new surgeon yesterday and he just bluntly said, "You have ductal in situ carcinoma, the treatment for this is a lumpectomy." NO CHOICES!!! When I told him I was leaning toward a Mascetomy he looked at me like, "Why in the world would you do that!" I snapped back at him and said, let me tell you why. Anyway, it went poorly. I have also since Monday found another lump in my other breast. The surgeon yesterday confirmed that indeed i had a "Node." We are military and it was either the doctor who is being deployed or this guy. He is the only surgeon in our network. I will now have to go out of network and pay for a good portion of this surgery. I cried all night. Then had a friend tell me I needed to stop crying, I wasn't being strong for my family.

Thanks for all of your positive input. I really appreciate it.

slamaj · June 2003

First off, I am so sorry that you've been diagnosed with breast cancer! That is hard enough without having to go through this doctor issue. I hope you can find a doctor that will be as good as your first one, that second guy just makes things worse. And I know what you mean about the lumpectomy versus a mastectomy, I felt like the same, I just wanted it all gone, I didn't want to have to worry about a recurrence in the same breast. My surgeon and oncologist agreed with my decision, the radiologist I consulted with was very vehement about the fact that I didn't have to choose the mastectomy and should go with the lumpectomy. Sorry, my body, my choice. Though you may have to go out of network, you should be able to find a dr you are comfortable with, and you need that peace of mind to get through this whole thing. Do what is best for you. As for the friend telling you to stop crying and be strong for your family, the heck with that. You need your family to be strong for you when you can't be, and right now, things are in such an upheaval for you, this is one of those times. We all have times when we just can't take it anymore and need to vent. My friends and family were there for me as I hope yours will be for you. I just finished chemo, 4 rounds A/C and 4 rounds Taxotere and it's been a long 6 months. You do get through it and I think the people on this site will be a great help to you. I'm sending some hugs and prayers your way and hoping that all will go well. Julene

cammie · June 2003

I am so sorry to hear that your doctor is leaving. I know how much we trust and depend on them. You do have a choice. I know what your doctor said, and I understand - but I also went for the masectomy and am very glad I did. Write a letter and take it with you the next time so you can explain why and try to make him understand. I know paying out of network would be hard, but if you still can't make him understand your needs you might have to look into it. Your choice not his. It is one thing to have to deal with the cancer itself. The normal things that didn't upset us so much now become huge. Hang in there. It's ALL ABOUT YOU!

cruf · June 2003

Hi! I also went out of network. I had DCIS also and had a lumpectomy. My margins weren't clear so I had a choice of leaving well enough alone and having radiation and hoping all was gone or the mastectomy and reconstruction. I had the mastectomy and reconstruction and very happy with my choice. Do what makes you comfortable. I was lucky to have wonderful MDs. My Plastic Surgeon has been wonderful but he just left the practice and couldn't let me know where he was going(Due to office politics!). I'm so glad I'm finished with my surgeries but it's really hard when you feel comfortable with someone so important! Take care. Don't rush to anything you're not comfortable with. HUGS!! Cathy

sandytrif525 · June 2003

Dear Mom of 2. so sorry to hear that the doc you like is being sent out. The doc you have really makes a difference. I will pray for you. My surgeon does not take insurance, so we ended up paying that bill out of pocket. It was hefty. But I would not change going to her. I did not have a choice of mastectomy or lumpectomy, it was always a mastectomy for me. I had it Feb 2002 with tramflap reconstruction the same time. Sandy

ksfc · June 2003

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Whether or not you are able to switch surgeons, remember that you deserve to be treated well and have your questions answered. Insist on it and take someone with you to back you up. As far as what your friend said, that was just downright insensitive. I think that honestly dealing with your feelings in front of your family is much healthier than trying to be strong. That creates an artificial environment where no one talks about what's going on. In my family we cried together and we laughed together. We made some pretty sick cancer jokes that others would have thought in poor taste, but it worked for us. It's time for you to let others help you. Take care - Diane

jeancmici · June 2003

>>Why in the world would you do that!" I have to agree with your surgeon - the old not compassionate one because having a mastectomy is no guarantee that you will not have a return of cancer in the same area. So why lose a breast.

Also think of this quoted from a surgeon's wife who is a friend of mine. she said people often are more concerned by bedside manner than competence. I know of a cancer patient who went to a very caring doctor - unfortunately she was not a good surgeon - and the person is no longer with us.

I would move slowly if you intend to go out of network - check this guy's credentials first - the one you think you do not like.

Just a few words/ thoughts for someone who's been through it all in 2001.

Wishing you a good decision which you feel comfortable with.

Jean

jeancmici · June 2003

jeancmici said:
>>Why in the world would you do that!" I have to agree with your surgeon - the old not compassionate one because having a mastectomy is no guarantee that you will not have a return of cancer in the same area. So why lose a breast.

Also think of this quoted from a surgeon's wife who is a friend of mine. she said people often are more concerned by bedside manner than competence. I know of a cancer patient who went to a very caring doctor - unfortunately she was not a good surgeon - and the person is no longer with us.

I would move slowly if you intend to go out of network - check this guy's credentials first - the one you think you do not like.

Just a few words/ thoughts for someone who's been through it all in 2001.

Wishing you a good decision which you feel comfortable with.

Jean

hit the 'send' button too soon- meant to say
"just a few words FROM someone who's been thru it in 2001.

jfsnowflake · June 2003

Find the doctor that gives you peace and comfort and in whom you have trust. I was sorry to read that someone "rebuked" you for desiring a mastectomy. She was right on the one side, a mastectomy is no guarentee. In 1995 at 33, I had to make the choice. I chose the mastectomy, I would have never been at peace with the other. In 2000 it did come back on the chest wall, but it was caught as a local recurrence and I am doing great. My insurance had changed and I had to fight to keep my oncologist that was now out of network!! I was ready to pay every penny out of pocket if I had to to keep that doctor. It would have been a financial crisis, but I needed to trust my provider! Trust you instincts, praying that it works out for the very best!!

ceejay · June 2003

Hey, Mom of 2. I am a military wife also, with two kids. This time last year I was diagnosed with breast cancer, had a mastectomy, chemo and radiation. We were in Okinawa at the time of diagnosis, and I CHOSE to go outside of the network (and return to the states) so that I could have some control over my care. It isn't as complicated as you might think. I completely understand what you are going through and if you would like to talk I would be glad to share whatever I can. My email is schu874@aol.com Please write me there and I can call you by phone if you like. You have alot to think about right now and having trust in your doctors is as important as getting as educated as you can about your cancer and treatment. By the way, there is a time and place for everything....even a good cry once in awhile! Please don't feel guilty about any feelings you may be experiencing right now. There will be many. My bet is that your family will be right by your side to be strong for YOU!! Please contact me!

SweetSue · June 2003

So sorry you have to go through all of this.
There are all tough choices to make when you are diagnosed with breast cancer.
When I was diagnosed, I was told that my cancer was slow-spreading ,and I could take my time to make the best decision for ME.
Even with a mastectomy, breast cancer can return.
About your friend's comment...one cannot understand what you're going through unless they have been in your shoes.
I think if crying helps you cope...CRY.
I coped by keeping a journal and e-mailing friends and relatives information that would keep them healthy.
Take care,
Sue

jake10 · June 2003

I think your friend may have been at a loss for anything helpful to say. Crying is good for you. You can't become a hysterical crazy person, although you may want to, but grieving for your "healthy" self is very normal and healthy. I think I may be relate to Diane. my family made lots of cancer jokes that to others may have seemed to be in poor taste, but you can only cry so much and the laughing really helps.
If this is the only doctor you can use then you have to have a come to Jesus meeting with him. Explain your concerns with his attitude and what you need from him. As far as the mastectomy, I felt the same as others, I wanted it gone and chose the mastectomy. My radiation oncologist was very suprised by this but I explained my reasoning and he was very supportive. Good Luck, Good Bless. Beth

KimInBeirut · July 2003

I'm active duty military, and was due to be deployed the week I found out. I, too, had DCIS and chose the lumpectomy and radiation over the lumpectomy. My reasoning was that if the lumpectomy failed, I STILL had the next option of the mastectomy. Had I gone straight to mastectomy, I knew there was "no going back" and I would have likely always wondered whether I went too far when making my first choice. On the other hand, my thoughts were also, "maybe I should just get it cut off now and get it over with" however, that's no guarantee either! Anyway, I had the lumpectomy, did the radiation and deployed immediately after my final radiation. I'm back in the US for my first follow-up and things are looking pretty good for me so far, and I'll be going back to my duty station within a few days! I'd give your doctor the chance to offer his opinion, too (regardless of how insensitive he sounds) and give that some weight - he may be mean, but he may also be right! I wish you well.

The rug was just pulled out from under me.

Comments

Discussion Boards