Finished all of my treatments!!!

newjersey25 · May 2003

I wanted to write everyone and tell them that I am finally done all of the chemo and radiation!! I still have a few more minor surgeries to complete the double mastectomy I had (reconstruction) but I'm almost done everything!! I can't wait to put this all behind me. I am concerned about the size of my breasts... They are much smaller than they used to be. I only had time for a few fills before I started my radiation, and the Plastic surgeon said he can't fill them after radiation because the skin won't stretch. I wan't to be the size I was before. I was 125 lbs before chemo and a C cup. Now because of all the medication I have gained weight 145 lbs and a B cup It doesn't fit my body size. Has anyone received any fills after radiation? I will suffer through the pain if that's the problem. I just want what I had before and I am told that the final implants will actually be smaller than what I have now. Also my spacers are crooked. The radiated breast has moved south and to the left and the unaffected breast is much higher and centered. Is there a way to fix this so the skin stretches in the right places? I know I shouldn't be so concerned about how the breasts look, after all, the mastectomies saved my life, but I also don't want to look weird forever either. I was a stage IIIa with lymph node involment is anyone out there who is a survivor from this stage and for how long in remission? I am SO WORRIED that it will come back and I am only 26 years old! I have so much living to do and I have 2 small children to raise. I am very scared and I can use some positive feed back. I'm starting to get very depressed because I am now on my own with no treatments. I feel like it's a wait and see game and I HATE IT!! I would love to hear from someone. Thanks, Fawn

bunnie · May 2003

hi just wanted to say congratulations on finishing your treatment.it is very nice feeling when done.As for being depressed that is normal iam going through the same thing right know.YOu might want to seek some councileing.Good luck with everything else.bunnie

hummingbyrd · May 2003

Hey NJ! Glad to see you back girl, we've been missing you. Don't worry about the staging, I'm a 4 w/ bone mets diagnosed in June of 2000...as for the breasts, well I had lumpectomies, and gravity has taken its toll! Unrelated to surgery, my C's have become 'sags' and they moved south allright! LOL I tried to talk them into a little tuck at surgery, but noooooo they were to busy focusing on saving my life. LOL Just teasing!
Then there's my port, I said if I'd a known it was going to stand out that much I'd a had a tattoo put there first!
All joking aside, its natural to want to look good, and even feel somewhat guilty about the vanity of it all, or at least I did...and I had a terrible panic attack with my last treatment, feeling like you, alone, with nothing to hold this stuff in check. You'll do fine, just note any unusual changes and keep up regular visits with the doc. Sooooo glad to see you back!
God bless. hummingbyrd

isaiah4031 · May 2003

Hi Fawn,
Congratulations on finishing your treatment. Now with that done, you can focus on what is important...living your life to the fullest. You shouldn't feel that you are on your own...hopefully your doctors didn't just "cut you loose." You should have frequent check-ups, etc. with your oncologist as well as your internist. Get connected with a good support group...this one is fabulous. I have had so much support from this site and I love the times I get to chat with some of my friends here. I think no matter what stage we have, we all think about recurrence now and then, but if you know you've done all you can, the rest is in the hands of the Lord. We have to learn to trust Him for those things. Keep on doing what you know is best for your health. And let God take care of the rest. Keep us posted.
Love, Jayne

momof4 · May 2003

CONGRATULATIONS!! cant wait till more of us say that we are finished with the treatments including myself! dont worry about the cup size i used to be a B cup than i C cup after having kids than back to B after loosing weight , what matter is that your life was saved.
I too am stage 3a with lymph nodes involvement and i do think that there's alot of surviviors, keep your spirits up Fawn we still have alot of living to do raising our kids. i am very interested on hearing about your reconstruction my surgeon says i can have a tram flap next year.
keep us posted

love and hugs Mariat.

rainyday · May 2003

Congratulations on getting through it NJ! I have heard a lot of people say that they felt adrift after treatment was over. Consider volunteering, doing the walk for life etc. and stick with your support groups. Stay involved. As for the B cup, having suffered with a D cup (a real life top heavy Dolly Parton-totally wasted on me)since my teens I would willingly trade. My brothers used to tease me that I was a freak of nature saying that by rights I should be constantly falling flat on my face. My right boob looked great after the lumpectomy, looked like I had a "lift". I asked the surgeon the other day if he couldn't lift the other one to match. LOL. NJ - Just move on, live every day, enjoy your life and your children. Keeep in mind that if it does come back, it will do so irrelevant of whether you spend your life worrying about or not. So don't! Sunshine and laughter.

squeeboo · May 2003

Hi Fawn,
I can relate to a lot of what youre going through. I was diagnosed with stage IIIa with 3/6 nodes involved at age 31 last March. I had a single mastectomy and TRAM flap reconstruction, then A/C and taxol and radiation. I finished chemo in September and radiation in November. I had touch-up surgery two months ago to reshape the radiated breast a little. Its not exactly the same size or shape as the other breast, but its now close enough that I can live with it. I would say dont give up if youre not happy with the results. You may be stuck with smaller breasts, but you should be able to get them to look similar.
In terms of the fear of recurrence, I have that too and its really tough some days. One thing I try to tell myself is that cancer research is progressing in huge leaps and bounds and even if we do have recurrences in a few years, treatment could be much better then than it is now. Even today, the odds are so much better than just a few years ago. I think that right after you finish treatment is often a very hard time for people since all through treatment you were actively doing something to kill the cancer and the whole medical staff was also a sort of support network. After thats over, you kind of feel alone and helpless. It is a waiting game to some degree, but Ive been told that it gets easier with time.
-Susie

heavenlee · May 2003

HI Fawn,
I felt very insecure after my treatments were over. It took me a while to get over the feelings I was having. I felt that if chemo worked so well...why stop? I would have stayed on chemo forever if it meant the cancer wouldn't come back. I wish you the best of luck with everything. I have no advise about the implants..I did not get any reconstruction yet.
So, take care of yourself and be in touch!
Angel

prayerangel · May 2003

I had the opposite, actually. My radiated breast was the higher one. I had my double reconstruction with the fillable implants 8/02. I just had the permanent silicone implants put in 4/9/03. They are wonderfully even now and the radiated breast has healed better than the "un-radiated side". If one side has been radiated, the plastic surgeon won't guarantee you that they will look the same. Your muscles are different. If we go through all this misery, why can't we "sculpt" ourselves afterward. I also relied on God and the many prayers of others to get me through everything. I would research the filling AFTER radiation and give, or tell your plastic surgeon. We have to be our own advocates, as forthcoming as possible.

rizzo15 · May 2003

newjersey 25, Congratulations! What a milestone!! Can hardly wait to join the "finished scheduled treatment" club with you in 3 months. I kind of feel like we're in the same boat because I am also a IIIa with lymph node involvement. What is so difficult is that the doctors are very reluctant to talk about prognosis and the future. I think this is mainly because, as Squeeboo says, that treatment has advanced so rapidly that nobody has mortality rates yet for the treatments that are commonplace today. One of my chemo buddies was saying that she had a mastectomy 14 years ago. Her tumor was so microscopic that they only recommended a lumpectomy. Against their wishes, she absolutely insisted on the mastectomy, thinking they could totally remove the cancer surgically. She was not offered and did not receive any radiation or chemo. 14 years later the cancer metasticized into her bones. It really makes me wonder what would have happened if she had received the chemo and radiation that almost all breast cancer survivors receive today. Maybe she would not have any cancer today--or it would have metasticized 30, or 40 years later instead of 14 years.
If someone could just tell me the odds of still being here 10 years from today, somehow I doubt if I would live my life differently...but then I came fairly close to drowning in a swimming accident at age 10. It was then that I realized what a fine line there is between life and death at any second of the day. I just try to enjoy each day that I am given. I'd like to think that God is deliberately telling me to slow down and is trying to get me to listen to what he is telling me.

blossomtime · May 2003

hi new jersey. I just finished chemo an radiation also (in march). I am a stage IIb with positive nodes. I know exactly how you feel being scared after treatments. Seems I should feel just the opposite. But everyday I try to stay positive. Most times I succeed but sometimes I dont. Next month I get my expander out and get my saline implant. Its riding a little high now and the surgeon says this surgery will eliminate that. And yes I also say I must be vain because I am going to have a lift on the other side. I am doing this for myself and feel this is what will make me feel the best about myself. I'll keep you in my thoughts. Good luck

Finished all of my treatments!!!

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