First annual check-up

raku · May 2003

Hi Folks...I'm new to the discussion group. I posted a reply a couple of days ago but this is the first time I've asked a question. I went to my first annual check-up today and ended up crying so much the nurse asked if I wanted to see a person that could "help" (therapist).

Actually, I was crying because a few minutes earlier they had ordered a chest x-ray to check my lungs because I've had a bad cough for a little too long. I was also crying because I was nervous about the exam and didn't want anything else bad (i.e. more cancer) to be found. I hate the waiting part (for the results of tests). But to tell you the truth what really gets me is the fear that they will call me first. Call to say something is on the x-ray, need to set up an appointment, etc.

Since dealing with breast cancer I'm not very good in doctors' offices. This extends to my family members when they are hurt or sick. I get scared and have to talk to myself about not jumping the gun and expecting the worse. Anyway, thought I would say "hi" and I'm glad I heard about the discussion group. I've read many of your postings and everyone seems so kind, smart, and supportive!

ksfc · May 2003

Those check-ups can be stressful for a lot of survivors! Would it help if someone went with you. They could help support you as well as be another set of ears since you may not accurately remember what is said when you're feeling stressed. Maybe you could do something special for yourself after you get through the visit. I like to leave the doctor's office and go get a capuccino. Sometimes I even kind of take a break for the day and make it a time just for me.
Take care - Diane

jamjar62 · May 2003

I haven't made it to my first annual check-up yet. I finish my chemo on May 22nd and then on to radiation. But I know what you mean about being scared. I "jump the gun" and assume the worst about everything anymore. My husband's late from work? He's been in a terrible accident. My daughter has a few bruises? She has leukemia. I've had a pain in my arm for weeks now and I'm afraid its a bone met but I'm also afraid to tell the doctor because then he'll order a bone scan and I might be right. It's a horrible, vicious circle. It all boils down to the fact that I no longer feel the world is basically a safe place. My comfortable, suburban life has become a deep, dark jungle and I see tigers and snakes around every corner.

I know from speaking to other survivors that these feelings fade but I guess for now, we just have to ride them out. I've never been very good at that!

Anyway, welcome to the board. I hope and pray that all your results are normal.

Blessings,
Karen

Marymomof3 · May 2003

Welcome Raku, you sound just like me. I nearly had a nervous breakdown in the radiologist's office waiting to find out the results of my mammo. Even when they try to assure you it's probably nothing to worry about, it doesn't help and the waiting is agony. Not too long ago, I was informed that an earier ct showed a spot on my lungs and needed to be followed up. It turned out to be nothing, thank God. Maybe your husband or a family member could call the doctor for your results? It helped me. Good luck. Keep us posted. Hugs, Mary

DeeNY711 · May 2003

The first time things went badly for me, the copy of the doctor's report listed PROBLEM #1 Crying
PROBLEM #2 Lesion R breast. I can see the funny part in that fifteen years later. Accept all of your fears and responses as perfectly reasonable. The one thing that may help you get through bumpy ground is that it is better to know and take care of it while it can still be treated than to wait past the point that a good outcome is possible. Also, try to remember that the anticipation is always the worst part. Raku, I found your description of the nurse's reaction to your crying very touching because I, too, can get all higgledy piggledy and it seems like nobody understands. A couple of weeks ago, I missed two phone calls and within four hours, had myself convinced that my son's car must have been repossessed, that he must have been calling to get a ride to work, that he would lose his job because I put the phone on autoanswer to try to get some uninterrupted sleep.....it goes on and on and on. It turned out that neither call was from my son.

rainyday · May 2003

Raku - I think that the waiting is the worst. I just moved my treatment to a Cancer Center instead of the small local hospital that did the mammo, biospy, and lumpectomy. They don't do radiation so I was sent to the Cancer Center. The Center called yesterday to say that they had done a peer review on the mammo slides and thought that there might be something suspicious in the other breast and that the local hospital had not done enough slides for them to get a baseline. Now they want to do another mammogram on Monday and I am supposed to start chemo this week. They did say "its probably nothing" but I remember being told that my lump was just a cyst. I am terrified that they have found something in the other breast and that I went through the lumpectomy for nothing and will be facing a mastectomy before the week is out. It is definately better to know and be able to deal with it but I haven't been this scared since the first two weeks. monday can't come soon enough.

raku · May 2003

Hi,
Thanks for all the pearls of wisdoms and for sharing your similar experiences with me. I appreciate the feedback! I got my results back and there was no metastasic lung cancer...thank goodness. Have something called atelectasis (partially collasped lung). Did a little research and figure I probably developed it after my reconstruction surgery as it is commonly associated with chest surgery. So I am relieved, no cancer and the kind of atelectasis I have is not life threatening. I can breath easy again...well sort of :-)

raku · May 2003

rainyday said:
Raku - I think that the waiting is the worst. I just moved my treatment to a Cancer Center instead of the small local hospital that did the mammo, biospy, and lumpectomy. They don't do radiation so I was sent to the Cancer Center. The Center called yesterday to say that they had done a peer review on the mammo slides and thought that there might be something suspicious in the other breast and that the local hospital had not done enough slides for them to get a baseline. Now they want to do another mammogram on Monday and I am supposed to start chemo this week. They did say "its probably nothing" but I remember being told that my lump was just a cyst. I am terrified that they have found something in the other breast and that I went through the lumpectomy for nothing and will be facing a mastectomy before the week is out. It is definately better to know and be able to deal with it but I haven't been this scared since the first two weeks. monday can't come soon enough.

Hi Rainyday,
No fair that you have to wait through the whole weekend before having to face yet another mammogram. Nerve racking to say the least. I hope everything goes well for you. I'll say a little prayer for you and all my new friends facing the challenges of cancer.

rainyday · May 2003

raku said:
Hi,
Thanks for all the pearls of wisdoms and for sharing your similar experiences with me. I appreciate the feedback! I got my results back and there was no metastasic lung cancer...thank goodness. Have something called atelectasis (partially collasped lung). Did a little research and figure I probably developed it after my reconstruction surgery as it is commonly associated with chest surgery. So I am relieved, no cancer and the kind of atelectasis I have is not life threatening. I can breath easy again...well sort of :-)

Congratulations Raku: I hope that you had a good cry of relief! Good luck with the lung. What does one do with a partially collapsed lung?

raku · May 2003

Hi Rainyday, I am not sure yet but the Dr. has started me out on a round of antibiotics. I did some deep breathing exercises this morning. I am in the process of having my expanders "inflated" so I tend to take shallow breaths because my chest is so tight.

rainyday · May 2003

raku said:
Hi Rainyday, I am not sure yet but the Dr. has started me out on a round of antibiotics. I did some deep breathing exercises this morning. I am in the process of having my expanders "inflated" so I tend to take shallow breaths because my chest is so tight.

Raku - Will be thinking good thoughts for you. The mammogram on my other breast was clear this morning, such a relief. I start chemo on Friday.

jake10 · May 2003

rainyday said:
Raku - Will be thinking good thoughts for you. The mammogram on my other breast was clear this morning, such a relief. I start chemo on Friday.

Great News for both of you!
I enjoyed your comments and responses. I thought I was the only one afraid of check-ups, doctors and the possibility of disaster.
Shouldn't we get 6 month mammo's after one sided breast cancer?
I think the fear is the worst part. I am not afraid of dying but I don't want to miss anything in my families' lives. I just became a grandmother and often look at the baby and wonder how many of life's milestones I will be here to witness. I never thought like that before. Diagnosis brings your mortality close up and slaps you on the back of the head with it. I am trying one day at a time. And now looking to all of you for support and to bounce my concerns off of. Thank you all! Beth

rainyday · May 2003

jake10 said:
Great News for both of you!
I enjoyed your comments and responses. I thought I was the only one afraid of check-ups, doctors and the possibility of disaster.
Shouldn't we get 6 month mammo's after one sided breast cancer?
I think the fear is the worst part. I am not afraid of dying but I don't want to miss anything in my families' lives. I just became a grandmother and often look at the baby and wonder how many of life's milestones I will be here to witness. I never thought like that before. Diagnosis brings your mortality close up and slaps you on the back of the head with it. I am trying one day at a time. And now looking to all of you for support and to bounce my concerns off of. Thank you all! Beth

I was told that I will have another mammo after three months (originally I was only doing radiation , no chemo) but now that I am doing chemo and radiation, the plan is to do another one once I finish radiation and then go to every six months for the first year after and then to annual. I only got this extra mammo in the middle because they thought they had made a mistake and missed something. Raku - hope you are feeling better. Hugs

raku · May 2003

rainyday said:
I was told that I will have another mammo after three months (originally I was only doing radiation , no chemo) but now that I am doing chemo and radiation, the plan is to do another one once I finish radiation and then go to every six months for the first year after and then to annual. I only got this extra mammo in the middle because they thought they had made a mistake and missed something. Raku - hope you are feeling better. Hugs

Hi Rainyday,
Good to hear that the mammogram on the other breast came back clear! I'm doing better. Hope your first chemo treatment on Fridays goes well. I know it must be weighing on your mind.

First annual check-up

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