How do get over feeling your cancer was not as bad as others.

Survior · April 2003

I have had several people that have had breast cancer and had to have breast removed. I was lucky that mine was caught in time, just the removal of tumor and lymph nodes, then 33 treatments of radiation. I have been clean for over 3 1/2 years. This feeling really bothers me.

kristipink44 · April 2003

Dear Survivor,As one of those people who was not lucky enough to save the breast I would like to say Congratulations! That is wonderful. Most any woman who has been unfortunate enough to have gone through this horrible disease,would be very happy for the women who survive it no matter how,lumpectomy,mastectomy,radiation,chemo,it dosent matter. We are all survivors, and happy for those others of us who make it through. Continued Good Luck to you.Kristi

hummingbyrd · April 2003

Hi, just wanted to let you know what you're feeling is common. Lots of people have 'survivors guilt' especially if they have friends or family that didn't make it... or as you said had to have a mastectomy and chemo (had a tougher 'sentence'). Why did you get off so light?....or did you?
In either case being diagnosed IS a life changing experience!
Don't be so hard on yourself. I doubt what you've been through, even if minimal, could be classified as 'easy'.
I don't know where you stand in regards to religion, but my suggestion would be to pray. Instead of asking 'why me?' or 'why not me?'... ask 'What can I do with this Lord? to bring You honor and glory?'
I think that 'strong feeling' is the Lord calling you and until you find out what to do about it, the feeling may continue to bother you.
You say you 'were lucky that yours was caught in time'. I believe you are blessed. Nothing happens randomly, God has ultimate control.
So...what are you being called to do? Pray for the answer and see.
Remember, when God whispers listen, because you don't want Him shouting at you!
God bless. hummingbyrd

inkblot · April 2003

Hi Survivor:

Not sure what the "feeling" is that's bothering you. Do you mean that you're worried about it coming back? Or wondering why you could keep your breast and avoid chemo, while others close to you didn't have/make the same choices?

Surviving with or without one's breast, one has still survived and that's the very reason we go through mastectomies, lumpectomies, chemo, radiation, many follow up tests, doctor's visits, etc.. Our choices and decisions about treatment
simply relfect our will to live. Some women choose mastectomy, even when not necessarily recommended, because it's simply what they feel best about in reducing the chance of recurrence.

We all choose what WE feel is best for us, when there IS a choice and I'd guess that the women close to you who had mastectomy, may have had some choice at the time? If not, then they did what was necessary. I'd further guess that they're happy with it, so you can be happy for them as well...joyous that they're still here and that you can appreciate and share their lives.

If you're feeling anxious about recurrence and/or mets, that's something we all wrangle with. It takes time to work through it. As we wake up more and more mornings, just happy to be here, it helps us to adopt the attitude that having HAD
cancer is not something we'll allow to rule our lives. If we allow it, that kind of thinking can usurp our daily joy. DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN! For all that we could not control having cancer, we CAN control the emotional aftermath. Ups and downs are inevitable but not major setbacks.
Perhaps talking more with the women close to you could be helpful? Sort of a "jam session" where you can all share what you're feeling and why.

Wishing you the best and hope you can find peace soon!

Love, light and laughter,
Ink

sandytrif525 · April 2003

Just my 2cents worth. Just like we are all different, our cancers are all different. Why are some rich and some poor, some have curly hair and some straight. God gives us what He knows we can handle. Be positive and remember that those of us who have had more treatment, operations etc, are survivors too. We are all in the same boat, some yatchs and some canoes. I will pray that you find some answers. Jesus is a good answer man. God bless sandy

isaiah4031 · April 2003

Hi,
I am like you...lumpectomy and radiation, plus chemo. I am a 2 year survivor. We are all unique in our diagnoses. Why some of us have more radical treatment is only really known to the Lord. HE is the sovereign Physician. Try and dwell on the positives instead of the negatives. You can minister to women who have been in the same situation as you...help them know what to expect, give them hope...after all, 3 1/2 years is so wonderful! Rejoice over the victory over cancer! Give your guilt over to God, and allow Him to lead you out of that valley. He has so much planned for you...for each of us...we just need to take His hand and follow. Be happy...
Love, Jayne

bjsgrandma · April 2003

I am a 1 1/2 year survivor,lumpectomy,sentinel node biopsy & radiaton. I have had the same kind of problems dealing with some of this. Sister had double masectomy and removal of all lymph nodes on one side. a friend about the same age diagnosed with terminal cancer a few months ago. Why them and not me? How did I get so lucky? Yes, I have been lucky but both of them have been in some ways too. That is what has helped me. Look at the people in your life who have "been there, done that"-aren't some of them lucky because of something good in their lives in spite of the cancer?

nasa2537 · April 2003

Hi...it's nice to hear that I'm not the only lucky one out here...I, too, had lumpectomy and 33 rads...I also feel guilty at times, and don't know how to handle it. I get through it with prayer, and by realizing that regardless of how bad it was, I did have cancer, and maybe I can give an encouraging word to someone who is scared, since I certainly remember the fear at first. Your experience has let you know what these women are going through, if not for the chemo part, at least for the radiation part, and I think we have all had the same fears and worries. Hopefully, with the guidelines changing all the time, we will have more women who can get by with minimal surgery and treatment. I pray every day for the day to come when we won't have to hear "breast cancer" any more. I'm so glad you're doing well. It's been about 1 1/2 years for me, and so far, so good. God bless, Cyndi

woddy · August 2004

sandytrif525 said:
Just my 2cents worth. Just like we are all different, our cancers are all different. Why are some rich and some poor, some have curly hair and some straight. God gives us what He knows we can handle. Be positive and remember that those of us who have had more treatment, operations etc, are survivors too. We are all in the same boat, some yatchs and some canoes. I will pray that you find some answers. Jesus is a good answer man. God bless sandy

I had stage I breast cancer and always had much guilt. I had chemo and radiation. It has been 4yrs. I felt I should not have been fussed over by my oncologist and team when people were much worse off. My dear brother died oct.19,2003 of pancreatic cancer [sadly at Sloan Kettering NYC}.My family said to me "how would I know How he feels as mine was nothing compared to his" I spoke with people at Why Me about three years ago it helped until my brother passed away and it all came back. I am new at CSN. Woddy

How do get over feeling your cancer was not as bad as others.

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