depression

ru4peace · April 2003

I was diagnoised with BC November of 2000, had a lumpdectomy 11-02, when thru chemo and radiation. But, I didn't have time to think about my cancer. I had been layed off my job just 3 weeks before being diagnoised. No health insurance, no unemployment, no income. Cobra payments of $500 a month. The hardest part of my cancer was trying to survive day to day in a world that revolves around money. I have a son. I didn't know from day to day where the rent was coming from, whether or not I would have money for food, utilities. I was always on the phone begging for money. My state helped only once, I did receive some from 2 local churches. And on top of this financial struggle. I drove myself to my chemo treatments. I did not have a support group. My sisters shunned me, my dad did't acknowledge my cancer. My biggest supporter was my mother, but she died in the middle of my chemo. I was finally able to go back to work, but I was so far behind in everything. I nearly lost my car, almost evicted. I have never been able to grieve my cancer. I was too focused on how to survive and make sure that my son needs were met. My son left home for college and I am all alone. I work 2 jobs just to keep even and tonight I applied for a third job. I am tired, physically mentally, emotionally. No one seems to understand how much I struggle from day to day. I have now have lumpedema where every night I have to wrap my arm and wear a compression banadage every day. I need someone to talk to me to listen to me. I can't take it anymore. I don't like being alone, working 2-3 jobs, being tired all the time. It is starting to affect my job, my attitude to people. I have tried talking to my doctor and he has put me on mediation, but I just need someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, someone to have compassion for what I have gone thru. I am not feeling sorry for myself, I just need help. I just need help.....

ksfc · April 2003

You've come to the right place if you need support. We're all here for each other. Cancer is a lot to deal with even without everything else you've had going on. I deal with lymphadema too and I know how miserable that can be. I hope that you can find some "real life" support too! No one should have to go through this alone.
Welcome to our group! Take care - Diane

hummingbyrd · April 2003

I am so sorry for all that you have been through! You have come to the right place for support. This site is filled with lots of loving, caring women who have had similar experiences and are willing to listen. We have email here so check yours for messages. I'll send you a note with a prayer, that always cheered me up when I first got here. It was so much more personal and gave me something to look forward to. God bless. hummingbyrd

inkblot · April 2003

Dear ru4:

You've certainly been through an awful lot and still being in a ditch has to be very difficult.

Dont' despair. You still have your life. You still have your son to love and care for and who I'm sure loves and cares for you very much. You sound tremendously strong and that's yet another another asset. A big one. That you've handled so much by yourself is astounding.

There are many resources available. Some better than others depending upon which state you live in. If you check with a hospital social worker
(perhaps where you had treatment) he/she should be able to give you some information on precisely what's available to you and how to contact those agencies who adminstrate the services.

With your lymphedema, it's amazing that you can work one job, not to mention 2! It may be possible that you can qualify for disability, which may give you the chance to begin to grieve your breast cancer experience, begin to work through some of the other difficulties and get back onto your emotional feet. If necessary, you can consult with your area's Legal Aid department to help you file and/or petition for benefits.

Many women here have gone through the financial
havoc of having cancer and I'm sure they can provide you with more specifics in finding resources. It may be a good idea to seek counseling as well, in working through the emotional effects of having had bc. Most therapists offer a sliding scale payment arrangement. If you qualify for disability however, counseling should be covered too. Sometimes when things get overwhelming, it can seem insurmountable but the truth is that it NEVER is insurmountable. One just has to find a starting place and sometimes we need help to find it. YOU CAN find that starting place!

Doctor's are so quick to medicate anymore and sometimes it's helpful and sometimes it isn't. It can be a great thing for helping one to become calm enough to begin to work on what's causing the depression and begin to feel in control of their lives again. However, medication will not change anyone's problems...it can only change one's response to the problems. Do you feel better since starting the medication? If it's helping you to move forward, then it's likely the right thing for you.

Chin up! I believe you'll find many here who are great listeners who can also give you some ideas on finding the practical help you need. We've all been down the bc road and we have all come to understand the importance of having people with whom we can share our feelings, who know exactly how we feel and it's an important resource in our healing. If there is a support group near you, it may be worth the time of checking them out too. If you can locate one which feels right for you then it can be a very good experience. There are numerous other websites which are great as well. Check out everything of interest. A quick search on www.google.com should give you several to choose from.

I wish you the very best!

Love, light and laughter,
Ink

ryley · April 2003

I am new to this website, but your story really touched me. It's hard enough to deal with a life threatening disease without worrying where your next month's rent is coming from.

I don't know what state you hail from, but I work for a welfare agency in the state of Wisconsin. We also coordinate other benefits such as Social Security (SSI) which you may qualify for. Normally someone at an agency such as mine would help you through the paperwork and it may take you multiple applications before it is approved. There are also health benefit options for low income families or those who have lost jobs. There are emergency rent programs when health is an issue, the list goes on and on. But like I stated earlier, it depends on the state your residing in now.

Do check into SSI, though, and find a state or agency worker that will listen to you and help you. Insist on help, it's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease.

I hope everything works out for you. Stay strong.

Ryley

miraclemom · April 2003

I can relate to all the money struggle.When i was told I had cancer and I thought about how am i going to take care of my bills and keep a roof over my kids heads.Here your under enough stress and youve got bill collecters calling and what do you pay them or your home,electric,gas and etc.Its a hard fight and your not alone.When I just got back to working full-time I had to go in for more surgery and thought not again how am i going to make it.Dont give up and I know that is hard but you will be fine.But also remember to takecare of yourself-working like you are isnt good for you either.Its hard and at times you just want to say to hel--- with it but dont.Work is good for you also but not to the point where your putting your health at risk.If you need a friend whos been there please e-mail me at miraclemom12632001@yahoo.com

rizzo15 · April 2003

I don't know if this will help, but sometimes I can get out of depression by giving myself something to look forward to. Little things like a Slurpee from the 7-11 and a sit in my backyard or a park can do a lot. It's just giving yourself permission not to think about the overwhelming sad things which may take a long time time change (if ever). I'm not much of a "people person", so I don't know if this more isolated approach will work for you. I'd try reconnecting with a few really true friends, even if you haven't had time to keep in touch for a while. Often they can see you better than you can see yourself and a few of their good words will give lots of strength. For financial things, I think to myself: I must either earn more or spend less. If you're truly at the subsistence level, spending less may not be an option. But, for myself, I've always done better at the spending less part. Working more only makes my situation worse. Take care. Realizing there is a problem is the first step towards getting better.

sandytrif525 · April 2003

Dear RU4Peace. Take a hint from the name you have chosen. Choose peace. I hurt so from what you wrote. I was dx in July of 2001. I can't imagine what you have been through. There is one who you can turn to Jesus. He will be there when ever you need Him. I have lots of family and friendly support, but in my deep dark times, I know that I can truly count on my savior to be there for me. You can e-mail me if you want strifiletti@safeplace.net if you want to talk. I will write back. May the Lord place you in his arms. Sandy

judy64 · April 2003

Dear rupeace, I had bc surgery,chemo and radiation. Finished everything in June of 1999. I will take tamoxifen I think for another year. Iam depressed too, even though I feel I shouldn't be, as I had my loving husband and 3 children to help me. I am so sorry for your situation, it truly makes me feel guilty about how I feel. Please accept my prayers, i will pray for you every day that you can find peace. Judy

MovingAhead · March 2016

Dear RU4Peace,

I, too, am glad you wrote and I find your story rough- way beyond difficult, but also strong. That you are still here with us and had the personal strength to survive means you have strenght and gifts that you don't realize yet. Give yourself enormous credit having survived all you have. I know, I know, a pat on the back doesn't pay the bills. I know. I don't have any financial advise for you. I wish I had some for both of us- as our stories have quite a few parallels aside from the cancer.

I just finished chemo in January 2016, and I saw someone mentioned Jesus on this site in one of their posts. I, too, have found encouragement in God and Jesus. I bought myself a little vibrating timer that I set to vibrate every 15 minutes around the clock. I wear it clipped on my pocket (over my port-scar) because I feel so perpetually vulnerable, cowardly, near tears, and frightened in life ever since my treatment finished. Odd that I got through it and THEN broke apart. When the timer vibrates, it has come to mean to me that God is tapping on my heart, to let me know he is there still. Sometimes I pray when timer goes off, sometimes I just feel encouraged, as if He is walking beside me (Read the 23 Psalm). I thought I'd mention it because it has helped me feel not so alone. I also googled "Encouragement from God" -images- and found some beautiful little sayings on the internet that comforted me.

ppurdin · March 2016

Prayers

we all need someone to talk to going through Cancer.I am so sorry you are going thru this.We are here to talk to.Do you know a pastor you could talk to.Some hospitals have counselors.Love and Prayers your way.

depression

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