Men are different from women.....just the facts...

sevey said:

Dear Hummingbyrd,
I always knew there was something more then that dumb book,"Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus". Which ofcourse was written by a man !!! Go figure a man explaining the differences between a woman and a man!!! Did you ever get a chance to look at the auther of that book. My ex used to carry that around like it was the Bible or something. I finally bought him a hardback of it for his B-day so he could have a better one. Ofcourse I enclosed a little note inside that read,"Good Luck With Your Next Wife". LOL
I really did do that and when I came out here my Mom said,"GOOD for you its about time you came to your senses". She so did not like that man. Boy he must of sustained some real damage while he was a fetus....lol What a baffoon!!! My Mom always called him that one too. She always said he is no good Cathy", no good at all"!!! She was right ofcourse. yet I would'nt listen to her, and in a way I am glad, because my Son who is in Iraq is the only child I could ever have. I am scared for Him yet proud to be His Mother. Oh you could only guess how much more I am praying now. I don't just pray for him, but for all the troops. They are women as well out there. Remember the one they rescued last week? Was it just me or did she not look into that camara with sheer horror. I am sorry I am beginning to deviate from the point of your initial post.
Actually this analogy makes perfect sense to me. Men are just not what we alwys hoped for at all. Some are really nice, but I am sorry I never met one myself. Never!!!! I have to assume there is something lacking within me too, because I can pick a bad one while telling myself,"Oh he is the nicest guy and so good looking too". Show him off for a while, and others can spot the flaws, but you could never tell me at the time. Thankyou for bringing this up. I guess I needed to vent, and vent I did!!!! I needed that Hummingbyrd !!! Boy I really needed to vent about men period...!!!
I love you my Sister In Christ.
Gods Peace
Love Cathy

inkblot said:

Hi Hummb:

Just curious what source you're referencing for the info regarding the male brain being damaged
during the male hormone bath in early gestation?

Wondering if there must also be a counterpart female hormone bath with a similar damaging effect? Would stand to reason, depending upon which resource one is relying upon for the information. That's the thing with science...many conflicting views with various and sundry interpretations of "studies". Even with breast cancer, the same principle applies, necessitating those all important second (or even 3rd) opinions.

We are all biologically/genetically and therefore, scientifically different, whether male or female. I have known some rough, tough, combative, aggressive, domineering females. A full endocrinological work up on those women may reveal that they have a higher level of testosterone? This brings us to the question of "nature" or "nurture". Are we a particular way, due to bio or nurture? That old nature vs. nurture question. (We're a combination of both, obviously, yet certain elements of our particular biological make up OR our experiences can dominate our personalities/behaviours, such as upbringing, negative experiences with interpersonal relationships, etc.) We've all heard that some women, although being fully functioning females, test genetically as males. Did something go awry during their hormonal baths
baths to account for this?

I've also known some very kind, caring, generous, nurturing, non aggressive males, who are completely comfortable with their emotions. I wonder what happened during their male hormone baths which spared them the stated brain damage?

I've never read any legitimate, scientifically uncontested studies, stating that normal male fetus brains are damaged, rendering their emotions dysfuntional (or short circuited) during
gestational hormonal surges. That being the case, the majority of males (those who are otherwise healthy, psychologically and physically)
could all expect to be disadvantaged in their personal relationships. Expecting to have spouses
who anticipate this disadvantage and treat them accordingly, thereby possibly reinforcing and enabling this dysfunction and perpetuating it? Throughout our early development, we are all strongly influenced by repeated statements of our caregivers/parents, such as your grandmother repeating the old adage; "A man works from sun to sun but a woman's work is never done". Examined closely, this adage would seem to reflect that from the female perspective, a man goes out to work each day and comes home and relaxes, while she must continue working all hours because she's so put upon and the workload is so unevenly lopsided that she can never get all her tasks done because they are too many. This adage also excuses the male from helping an overburdened female out, as it accepts that he will instead be lazy and feel entitled while being so, leading women to believe that their lot is to suffer in silence and not awaken the wrath of the male by expecting/asking for help. If everything has gone according to the adage, HE doesn't expect to be asked and/or bothered. Age old adages can actually be quite a "conditioning" tool, when quoted indiscriminately to young children. The subliminal message can have an overwhelming and lasting effect.

In the 21st Century, I don't think many of the same principles apply anymore, compared to 50 years ago. Many men now stay home with their children, at least part time, they do a fair share of household tasks, including cooking and food shopping and are equally efficient with women in those tasks. I know many women who don't even know how to cook and it is not on their list of things to learn and they do just fine. We have women in combat, women in space and women doing whatever they choose to do. We have male nurses, male midwives, male interior decorators, male preschool teachers. Gender no longer defines role. My thought is that in todays world, people merely do whatever needs doing, around the house or otherwise and gender has little or nothing to do with who does what task. So, it all gets done by working together.

Problems arise when one gender becomes convinced that the other gender only can/will do certain tasks or in a certain manner, based upon gender or that one gender has no role in a particular task, profession, or undertaking. Thinking that men or women, based upon gender, are not capable of one thing or the other, seems an outdated, ineffective method of fuctioning.

The bottom line, I suppose, is that our mates meet our needs and/or expectations and that we meet theirs. With this understanding, it really doesn't matter how the world sees it as long as the two people in a relationship see eye to eye and are happy with what they see. Gender has nothing to do with that really. If one partner becomes ill or has a crisis situation, it is only natural that the other partner be there and help the one in need. If we bail because we are suddenly expected to do more than our fair share, or because we are afraid, there's no real depth to our caring. A character flaw. Not an inborn gender error. We've no right to expect our partner to be there when we may need them in our own crisis if we are not there for them as well. With such a major weak link in any realtionship, it needs serious exploration. Our partners are those with whom we would ride the roughest seas, jump from the highest cliffs and walk the deepest canyons...together, side by side. Knowing there's no place else we'd want to be. It's called trust and there's no substitute. I'd want no part of a relationship with a partner who would jump ship the first time we hit rough seas.
Someone who couldn't or wouldn't tell me how he feels and what he's thinking. Someone who wouldn't listen to how I feel and what I think. Someone who would choose to be lazy, with the excuse that it's because he's a male. Someone who could turn his "caring" off and on as easily as he would a water faucet. I also wouldn't want a realtionship with a guy who expected me to treat him as "handicapped", on an emotional or any other level. We all grow up and learn as we do so. With what you're saying about men, in general, there would appear to be little hope for any of them to be responsible on an emotional level not to mention the ability to respond on a mature level as well. That someone cannot be caring and be there for someone they love, to be tender and caring while taking care of someone they love, simply because they're a male, seems ridiculous to me. My life experiences, including those of my friends and family members simply paint a completely different and MUCH BRIGHTER picture of men. Yes, there are a few cave men out there still, but mostly they are only comfortable with cave women partners and that makes it perfectly ok as long as they're both happy with the terms.

I think we all have to be careful about what we
"expect" and/or "wish for" because we just may get it! Ha.

Wishing you...

Love, light and laughter,
Inkblot