Hello

oliverfrani · March 2003

I also am new to this group. I came upon it one afternoon at work, and couldn't stop reading. I have breast cancer, status post mastectomy with eight out of eight postive nodes on the upper layer. With no positive in the second layer, and two out of four positive close to the chest wall. The doctor did not do a sentinal node, but did use dye. I have always wondered why she only took out the eight nodes and didn't do the sentinal? Funny, I never wanted to ask her that question, always afraid of her replies. I have some pain in my shoulder (collar bone) but I just can't go to find out what is going on now. I am three years clean, but you know how you feel in your heart it will come back at anytime, that sick feeling that you can't plan very far into time. I am greatful for the three years, yet every minute I was always waiting, waiting and now I wish those years hadn't been spent always thinking about cancer. You wouldn't believe that people think I am the bravest and most up beat person, fun to be around. I don't allow the rest of the world to see the pain and fear. I don't know why I'm pouring my heart out to you, maybe it's because you don't know me, or maybe because I feel close to all of you - a bond. Yet, here I am sitting at work, crying. Does anyone realise that when they tell us this diagnosis and send us home, what are we suppose to do with it, where do we put it, are we ever the same?

Annpez · March 2003

Hi I am fairly new to the group and I know how you feel I was lucky I didnt have lymp node involement so I listen to your story and realize there is someone always worse and thats what got me thru the whole thing I think you take the news cry and make up your mind who will win the battle you or cancer I chose to fight I did everything in my power I had both breast removed I had chemo I take tamoxifen I go for my checkups I feel I did the best I could do I am not the same person I think I am a better person I speak my mind more and when I get mad at something stupid I yell and scream and then I think someone out there is getting the bad news right now or getting chemo I am no saint you have a right to feel bad and a right to get mad and cry but please don't let it ruin who you are you fight with everything you have there really is nothing more we can do what will be will be don't waste time thinking about the future enjoy your life and your good health I did learn thru this that time really flies I am sure you felt the same way when you are going thru it all you think time won't go by but it does so enjoy yourself I am sure you will be find but worry does not help Good Luck Ann Marie

chef · March 2003

Hi- I agree with you about this being a very supportive place. Lots if careing people with lots of concerns, lots of questions and lots of love. I read in one of this messages where BC was referred to as a journey. I had never thought of it like that. I like that term. I had been thinking of it as trying to eat an elephant- one bite at a time. Either way it's nice to know others are on the journey and some may have their with bibs in hand.

newbeginning · March 2003

Hi..we are so lucky to have this site to vent, share, laugh and cry. I just finished 8 chemos and am beginning to start radiation. Sometimes I just don't think this will ever end...you are lucky to have the three years and I just feel like you, am not sure if I can ever stop thinking about it. But, one thing to remember....if you live life with sweaty palms...life will slip away...so get out there girl!!!..small steps, and this is a wonderful place to start!! Linda

sassysally · March 2003

Hi honey, you will always think about the big"C", now that it has come to your house its always in the back of your mind. You can't let it run your life. You can vent to us anytime, we understand like no one else. We have a bond, and its ok to cy, but its ok to laugh as well. You tend to look at life alittle differently than most and thats a wonderful thing. You have been given a gift, although at times its hard to see it that way. Revel in the fact that you are strong and not alone we walk with U.The road may be a rocky one, but one well traveled. No, we are neverthe same, but the realization that we are not immortal, and also not alone is a wonderful thing. The people that are on this site have been whereyou are and feel all of the things you are feeling. They can be a great comfort and support knowing that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and the roses smell terrific. Savory every one. We appreciate you and your trials as it makes us stronger and have hope. I am truly blessed....I am a cancer Survivor. Thanks for being here.

sandytrif525 · March 2003

Hello. This is a good place to come and share what is going on in your life at the moment. We are all at different stages of this disease. Some finished treatments, like me, and others in the middle, and still others who are just starting the path. Yes, I think about the cancer coming back not all the time, but the thought is there in the back of your mind. The one thing that keeps me going is that The Lord only promises us today. So go out and live that day to the fullest. Trust in Him and He will not stear you wrong. He has been there for me in every situation all the great times and especially the difficult times. But it doesn't matter what the time is in my life, the Lord is there. If you don't know Him- get to - He is a great friend in times of trouble. God Bless. Sandy

Leenie · March 2003

Hello, I feel the same way you do. Everyone wants to help but i won't let them. I feel as though I am giving in if i start letting people do everything for me. I am one of the lucky ones. I felt the lump right before xmas(what a time) so of course I did not do anything until after. It was breast cancer is what i heard and i fell apart. My husband has been working in Chicago for the past 8months flying back and forth when he can so i was alone when i heard the news. It takes the fight right out of you, when you hear those words. Then you come to your senses and reliaze you have to fight back. I just want me back the way i was. Not sick and tired all the time.. Enough of that. I feel i will be like you always wondering when it will come back... Thanks for hearing me.. Leenie

SweetSue · March 2003

I just had a double mastectomy...simple on left and modified on right. My mother died of breast cancer when I was 13 , and I've had breast problems for 19 years. I am 54. Lymphnodes were negative...I'm cancer -free..not sure whether to take Arimidex or Tamoxifen.
I remember when the first surgeon told me the diagnosis and gave me the 2 terrible options I had...I went home in shock...what to do? where to go???
I got on the phone and contacted everybody on my e-mail list for some direction.
I, like you, have been very up and positive, but twice I've been terrified. I deal with my illness at night in 2 ways...In bed, I say , I am safe right now..now is all I have..the future is not real. And whenever I start to worry, I pray , instead.
I will never be the same. I feel like I have been given a second chance, and I will live each day to the fullest and help everyone I can. And I vow to stay away from the whiny, negative people who have never been sick or needy.

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