Just need to talk to someone

dpomroy said:

Like you, it was important to me to keep working as long as I could. I wanted NOT to have to have to fit my life into what I envisioned as a life of one with cancer, but instead to try to fit cancer and all it's accompanying treatments into my existing life. Work gave me something good to focus on for most of every day. It made me feel normal. However, there were days that I just needed to take off...and you should not be afraid to either. One kind of "dorky" thing that I did that worked for me was that I used my commuting time to feel completely sorry for myself. I'd be a good mom and get my kids off to school, then cry all the way into work about how this wasn't fair, that it down right sucked! Then I'd put on my brave teacher face, enjoy the positives of my students and coworkers, knowing that I only had to hold it together until I got back into my car to go home. It was a needed release of pressure, and it also meant that I wasn't dwelling in my misery all day long. That doesn't mean that I never cried on friends or family's shoulders, but it took some of the burden off of them.

Best of luck to you.
PS You sound like you're handling things pretty well to me!

Thanks for the responses, guys! I appreciate it!

I guess I've spent a good part of this past week feeling REALLY sorry for myself and mad at someone who didn't do what I thought she did. I thought someone at work had chewed out another co-worker in front of me, but it turned out that I'd completely misunderstood. Now I feel like a ninny for wasting all that anger and energy.

I saw my radiation oncologist Wednesday and have my treatments scheduled - 15 in all. They've done part of the set-up and I'll go back Monday for them to finish and fine-tune things. Instead of putting the marks directly on my face, they've made a mask of my face to put the marks on. They said they'll even let me keep the mask when my treatments are finished! Neat souvenir!

I feel better now that we are actually starting to take action instead of looking to see what they can see. I was at a cancer support group last night, and one of the women was telling me that she found her radiation treatment to be more frightening to her than her chemo was. This part doesn't scare me in the least . . . they aren't going to stick needles into my arms . . . they don't want pieces of my bone . . . they aren't going to turn me every which way but loose to see what might or might not be in my body. They're just zeroing in on this one little area and zapping it with photons and electrons (like the USS Enterprise zapping enemies with photon torpedoes - hee!hee!).

I did wind up taking off yesterday too. I just didn't feel I could handle being around people yesterday. But after a day of being lazy and an evening with a support group, not to mention a decent night's rest, I feel better today. So I was back at school with my kiddoes where I can have fun.

I teach high school students. I haven't yet told them I have cancer . . . didn't want to scare them or worry them or get untrue rumors flying around. Some of my students are aware that I've been to a lot of doctors appointments and they do know that I have some kind of problem with my eye. One of my students asked me today if the doctor had fixed my eye yet, and I told him not yet. They wanted to know what the doctor plans to do and I told them he'd zap it with radiation. I think they're putting 2 and 2 together. I might tell them next week. I guess I'll think about it over the weekend and talk to my husband and decide.

Oh, yeah. I won't have to take any time off for my treatments unless I personally need to. My supervisor is going to get people to cover my class for the last 30 minutes every day so that I can leave early enough to get to my treatment appointments on time.

Again, thanks for replying. Y'all have a great weekend!

Hugs,
Teach