still a little nervous

maryfsz · September 2002

I am 14 months past my last chemo and radiation, but with diagnosis of stage IV, I have had some complications that have left me in "treatment". I am more nervous about reoccurance now than I was when I was going through the active fight. It all happened so fast that I didn't have time to think about anything except survival (and work).
Anyone else experience this?
I seem to be a delayed reaction person.
Sending love to all who read this,
Mary

shirlann · September 2002

Hi Mary, dear sister, I want you to know you are the THIRD gal I have talked to today. So take comfort in those numbers. You are suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. It is the same as the guys in a war, which you were in. All is tolerable and most do fine during the crisis. Then the body says, "Okay, we survived, now we are going to cry". Sooo, my advice is, get anti-depressants. They are not addictive and you can stop them as you as you get your feet back under you. Make no mistake, this is a very real and definite occurence. Most of the gals have it. Don't suffer unnecesarily. You are not a delayed reaction person, we ALL are. You are in a huge sisterhood and when the worry squirrels wake you up at 3am and march around the room, we all know about them. We are with you and love you and know you will get better. Gentle hugs, Shirlann

hummingbyrd · September 2002

shirlann said:
Hi Mary, dear sister, I want you to know you are the THIRD gal I have talked to today. So take comfort in those numbers. You are suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. It is the same as the guys in a war, which you were in. All is tolerable and most do fine during the crisis. Then the body says, "Okay, we survived, now we are going to cry". Sooo, my advice is, get anti-depressants. They are not addictive and you can stop them as you as you get your feet back under you. Make no mistake, this is a very real and definite occurence. Most of the gals have it. Don't suffer unnecesarily. You are not a delayed reaction person, we ALL are. You are in a huge sisterhood and when the worry squirrels wake you up at 3am and march around the room, we all know about them. We are with you and love you and know you will get better. Gentle hugs, Shirlann

Hey Mary, know how you feel my worst panic attack was after my last chemo. Crazy huh? Shirlann is right antidepressants do help with depression or panic attacks. Every time I get a cough or upset stomach my imagination goes wild. I'll ask my friends if anything is going around they say "yeah I've been sick too, the whole family." My response is usually "Glad to hear it." Course they know what I mean. The thing that helps me the most is to remember how I got through the battle to begin with 'one day at a time.' Hang in there. Hugs and prayers. TByrd

jmears · September 2002

Hi Mary
I was mor worried after treatment than during ... and I ended up taking antidepressants because it was effecting my life to much. During treatment we are to busy to worry ... but I found when I was done I wanted more ... I felt like I wasn't doing anything else to fight the cancer. It's been 15 months since my last radiation treatment ... I started the anti depressants in January. I feel so much better and feel like I could deal with a reoccurance if that's what is in store for me. Hang in there ... talk to your doctor about this ... he/she could give you something if you if you feel like it ... I did go to a Phycologist that just sent me to a Pyciatrist for a perscription. You can probably just talk to your Oncologist to try a prescription. I took Zoloft first which worked very well for me ... then I read that Effexor can help reduce hot flashes in some women so I switched and my mood is still great and I think the flashes are less in number and severity! Works for me. Now sometimes when people ask me how I am I first reply casually fine ... then realize they are talking about the cancer and that's how I know I'm getting over it!!! Best wishes and warm thoughts, Jamie

24242 · September 2002

Now that I am a over a five year survivor I am asked often by women with matestatic bc if I truly think there is hope. I know in my heart that doctors do the best that they can cause I wouldn't be here without their care and I have needed them most of the 6 years total battling this disease. I consider myself 5 year survivor cause I made it through the teatments.
I too took every little bit of treatment that I could even if it did only help a couple of percentages and now with all the pains that come with chronic diseases I still would do the same today. They have come so far even the 6 years since I had Breast Cancer. I am have NO mastesies but I do have chronic diseases my reward. I think it is time we start finding ways to make ourselves feel better because truly that is all their is. One can't spend their time with worry it is truly talking badly of ourselves. I found an interesting book with the help of a counselor, Feeling Good Handbook bye David D Burns, MD. I have found this a common sense approach to living every single day that we have. I will read this often reminding myself how I do it to myself. I am a 100% responsible for what happens to me, no sometimes my control is lacking but I set the stage. Even with cancer and now know what I was doing wasn't working and now have to find another way without worry, stress and constant comparison for me, to the rest of the world. Now I have found I have allot to be grateful for and now look at the things I have accomplished in this life of mine and can feel better about a whole lot more things giving me back control of my life what ever that maybe.
I sit with a woman who has lung and bone cancer now after 5 years, just like me. I have to know she has a place to go and be honest, totally honest with herself to someone who truly understands. We have learned so much of each other in such a short time and she has given me so much. She always says what I do for her and all I can say is it is she who has done so much for me. I know her daughter can't be with her so I do what I can to help fill that void. there is 24 years between us yet we have so much to talk about. Support groups and counselors with support of friends and family do so much to increase our qualities of life there is a whole study done about it. I know it has helped me like I can never explain totally. I hope I even make sense if there is any to be made of this most difficult time in our lives. So many just don't understand so we tend just not to speak about it and I know talking is the best thing that I could do.
Be good to yourself first,
Tara24242

nasa2537 · September 2002

Hi Mary...you are not alone, and this seems to be a very normal response. Do you have the book "Living Beyond Breast Cancer," by Marissa Weiss? If not, look into getting it, as it deals with this issue quite well...it helped me a lot. Please know you are not alone, but try to remind yourself of all the positives....you are still here, able to live each beautiful day. I remind myself of that every morning, and it seems to help me get through the day without all the negative thoughts. Hope you have a good weekend...God bless, Cyndi

pamtriggs · October 2002

Hi Mary
Know what you mean. It seems that while we are in active treatment we feel we are doing something to fight but when they say go on & get on with your life is when we start worrying that while we are not doing anything it is going to creep back up on us again. Try not to let that fear dominate yur life. Just be glad for every day & tell yourself you are glad to be alive.
Love & hugs
Pam

inkblot · October 2002

Dear Sister:

Please know that it is very common to feel somewhat lost or deserted when treatment ends. For the first time since diagnosis, this is the time when most of us do not have our medical team checking us out every few weeks, etc.. It can be a scary feeling indeed as we worry about recurrence and become scared, thinking that it may come back and not be caught right away. Or asking ourselves what
on earth we'd do if it did recur. These issues are common to all survivors, at some point. Sooner or later.

Don't despair though. We've all gone through this and it, too, passes. Although most of us will think about it from time to time, it won't continue to haunt us or make us tense and distracted and usurp the quality of our lives.

If you've been tense and anxious for more than
a few weeks, constantly, then you really need to speak to your dr. about it. With depression being different from chronic anxiety, you'll want to have the appropriate medication (if you choose to take meds) for your diagnosis. A correct diagnosis will likely require that you see a psychologist or psychiatrist as most M.D.'s are not qualified in that area.

I know you've heard it before, but try to relax a bit and realize that life is just waiting for you to embrace it. It's saying:
"come play with me a while and throw your troubles into the wind". Reach for it, Mary.
Stretch if needed and embrace it on your own terms and in your own way!!! Don't waste another day being anxious and worrying. Get whatever help you need to get back into living! This much, we owe ourselves.

To develop an attitude that says we want it, we deserve it and our goal is to have it. If anyone realizes how precious and short life is, it's us, right!

I wish you well and am sending a big hug your way.

Love, light and laughter,
Ink

still a little nervous

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