My son

I can't even imagine the pain you are going through. It's every parent's worst nightmare. But don't go back and second guess yourself. You did what you thought was the best treatment at the time for your son. You can't do anything more than that! Let yourself grieve, it hasn't been very long since his death. Let him live on in your heart forever. Hold onto all the great times you had with him. Think about all he gave to you while he was here. Let him live on through you. Let God help you through this time.

Sincerely,
loulou

God bless you. Sounds like you have been through a lot. I'm sure you have gotten a million different responds from he's in a better place to atleast he is not suffering anymore. These things said lovingly, and only with goodness. I am sure they have comforted you some I'm sure. The absolute hardest thing to do is deal with the loss of a child. I offer you this- first of all do not feel guily about any treatment you did or didn't do. You loved your son with all of your heart. You did everything you possibly could. Every descion you made took inot consideration by possible effectivness and his quality of life. You did the absolute best you could at the time it was occuring. Please don't what if, or should of , mayge it I would have. You should forgive yourself of any guilt. It will never be gone, it was literally a part of you that died. As you forgive yourself and any one or thing you have judged. Forgive even the cancer cells. You must free up that space in your heart, so that healing can take place. I'm not sure where you stand spiritually. I hope that you believe in some kind of higher power. God comes in many forms,and it does not matter which form you choose . Just let that higher power in your life into your heart. Let it take your pain and give you peace. You'll never let go of your son, just let go of the extremem pain you are holding on to so tight. Fill your heart with light and love. Know your son is still alive in your heart, and in all your memories. I know a higher power exists, because I had such a rare cancer, 4th stage, unoperable tumor on my brain stem, three down my spine. I was in a coma, I had 6 brain surgeries, chemo, I was so ill I couldn't get out of bed. Three months of radiation to my entire spine and head. God,my understanding of God, talked to me. I know there is a higher power. Sometimes we don't understand it, but faith carries us through. Also, another point of view is that your son is in heaven smiling down on you. How do you think he would want you to act. He wants you to be happy and know that you are all right He loves you, and he is always with you. He is enfolded with love.