Needing some advice

momof2 · January 2002

Hi everyone! Just having some rough days right now and could use some advice from some great women who know just how I feel. As most of you know, I am having my hysterectomy in a week and a half, I'm getting really nervous. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to go through with it. I'm just so tired of everyone poking at me and being in the hospital all the time. Now, I'm not even half done with my Herceptin treatments and I've lost 3% in my heart ejection and have developed mild hypokenesis. My oncologist wants me to continue on the treatments for another 6 weeks and then repeat the MUGA scan again. I'm not to sure about all of this. I'm so scared to quit my treatments. I seem to feel that if I am still taking my treatments and being watched so closely that I am so much more safe from having this cancer come back. If I am all done with my treatments, I have to face my life again and I'm so scared this is going to come back. For those of you who don't know, I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer last April at the age of 24. My husband ended up leaving me over it and now continuely harasses me and I can't get a restraining order against him until he physically hurts me. It's crap that you have to wait til you get the s**t beat out of you until you get have something done about it. I'm sorry to go on, but I just needed to get some of this off of my chest and all of you here are the only ones who seem to understand. Thank you all so much for being here for me! I really appreciate all you have done for me!

Carrie

rolson7027 · January 2002

I had a MUGA that showed 10% damage but then the radiologist redid the MUGA and then reinterpreted the results. I think it can depend on who is looking at them. They discontinued Herceptin for 2 weeks until it was determined all was okay. I finished Herceptin 8/2001. I was nervous about finishing up treatments too because of the aggressiveness of the cancer, but now it's been 5 months and so far so good. I guess time helps. I'm sorry about the husband situation. Domestic abuse can take all forms so don't be afraid to check in to your community's programs for help. Hang in there. Renee (I'm new to this site)

24242 · January 2002

Dear Carrie,
Hang in there honey, it seems so unfair at times that the world just doesn't stop until we are ready continue. I am so sorry you had to endure your break up at a time you just didn't think things could get worse, but they did. You soon learned that it just can't get any worse than it was. It is also unconcievable that your exhusband still wants to make this whole thing about him when in fact it isn't. For once Carrie this is about you.
You need to know there are woman with far worse cancer than yours,who have felt the magic of the cure. In some of our cases it has been less dramatic due to problems we continue to face. The one thing we all know for sure is that this has been the most difficult times of our lives. I had an out of control teen that was driving me crazy before, during and after cancer. Do you know that cancer rarely changes things for our families and often they are unaware at all the changes it makes in us. So it should, because what we were doing before cancer wasn't really working, hence cancer.
Carrie know that we are here for you and this your place to get it all out and finally once and for all off that chest of yours. It is evident that you have lived your life for others, now this is your time, take it.
Be good to yourself FIRST,
then you will have something for your kids,
Tara

ktinkey · January 2002

Hi Carrie,

Hang in there. Today has been a bad day, but tomorrow will be better. You can vent anytime you want. That's what we are here for. We have all been there. Honestly, Carrie, right now you need to focus on one day at a time. The future is just that - the future. None of us knows what lies around the corner, all we can control is today. So, today focus on yourself and the kids. The hysterectomy will be a piece of cake. You can do it! Focus on that cancer being beaten and tell it to leave your body alone. Turn your anger toward the cancer. It is the real problem and everyone else is secondary. It is curable and can be beaten. There are many of us on this site to prove it. Focus on the positive and not the negative. (I know the negative shouts so loud it is sometimes hard to hear the positive, but it is out there). We are praying for you. Give yourself a hug today and do something just for you.

God Bless,
Kathy

pamtriggs · January 2002

Carrie
Here in New Zealand we have an organisation called Women's Refuge. They can help women who are being threatened but not actually touched. Here too the cops can do nothing until you are beaten. However here we can take out a non-molestation order which prevents the man (or woman as it sometimes can be) from even communicating with you. This is what you need right now so that you can get on with your hystrectomy & beating the cancer. Try to concentrate on yourself, forget about the miserable self centred worm for a bit. He obviously sees the world only as it affects him & poor little man has had his support dragged away. Just realise that you don't need him he needs you & he can go take a jump in the lake. Good luck for your op & hope you find some help in the community - either through a community group or a church. Do they not have a world wide church group called ALPHA in US. My freind in UK was going through soemthing similar - mental harrassment - & they helped her to find the strength she needed although she was not a churchgoer & she was one seriously depressed woman being manipulated by a trained pshychologist husband.

Love & hugs

Pam

lucy · January 2002

HI Carrie - I have been thinking of you and hoping things were going well, but it sound like you are not so well. I still can't believe your husband could be acting like that, he definitely has not grown up yet. And, someday he will pay for his actions, because what comes around, goes around. God will take care of you as you go through the hysterectomy, and you will be fine. You are a very young girl, and have a lifetime ahead of you, so please remember to keep a "positive attitude". God never gives us more than we can handle, he is only trying to make us better and stronger people.
You look up and also enjoy your children each and every day. My prayers are with you my dear. Love, lucy

gottod · January 2002

Carrie, thanks for turning to some folks who can give lots of advice, then you can shift thru it and take what feels best for you..
about the hysterectomy, i haven't followed all your discussion but are you getting your ovaries removed also, i had just my ovaries removed laproscosyly and it was just a same day surgery thing, recovery fast and got rid of the estrogen threat without a long post-op period..
As i was reading thru replys to you it struck me as most important two things 1) you need to think of yourself first so you can care for your kids and heal yourself and 2) to care for your self you need to surrond yourself with positive people who are willing tohelp you out and many many people are willing and just don't know how to help or what needs to be done or need a little shove.. but they are there and just ask (both to God and to others) and things will get better, ask and shall recienve.
remember you are lovable by being just yourself. donna

kat02 · January 2002

Carrie,

You have been in my daily prayers since your last post about the hysterectomy. You can do it!!!! The anticipation of the uncertain before the surgery is ALWAYS THE WORST part. Soon it will be behind you and there will be less prodding. I wish that all of our caregivers (doctors, nurses, and family members) could be required to watch "WIT". They just don't realize how much PRODDING we have to go through.

I use to work at DSS and am going to think about your situation with your husband. I have been gone for several years, and can't think of anything available short of a shelter. There has to be a way to stop him from harrassing you. I actually thought that some of the restraining order requirements had been relaxed. I will look into it.

PLEASE take time out for yourself during the next week. Treat yourself! Do things that you enjoy and feel relaxing.

Last thought: I find music to be extremely relaxing. I purchased a portable C.D. player prior to my last surgery. The days leading up to the surgery I listened to a lot of classical music. I just didn't want any distraction. I took the C.D. player with me to the hospital, and the nurses allowed me to listen to the music right up to the surgery. Then I had it with me in the room. It really helped me relax. I didn't want to have the distraction of holding a conversation prior to the surgery. I used prayer and music to find a calm.

Finally, I have to thank you for your last post. Thanks to the responses I have been trying the Vitamin E for night sweats and it helps. I am also going to ask my doctor about the medications that your doctor mentioned. Thank you for the Help!

Stay positive and strong. You Can Do This! I am sending you many hugs. You are in my prayers.

Laura

Needing some advice

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