Having a horrible day

Dear Carrie:
Bless your heart - I am trying to calm down before I tell you exactly what I think about a husband or even a wife that has that type of mentality. What makes a man a real man is protecting and providing for his family; and those who want to cut and run during the hard times (after all the wedding vows say for 'better or WORSE' - in SICKNESS and in health) are very immature and disgraceful people.
Do you go to church so you might have a minister or priest that would talk to him about responsibilities as a husband, father and human being? He is being so selfish and self centered because his world is not revolving around his needs, his wants, and he feels completely out of control. If he has always shown tendencies to you like this; by putting his own interests always first, rather than what you or the children need, then you are in trouble. If that is the case, if I were you, the first thing I would do is to talk to someone at Family and Children's Services, if you can't afford a lawyer on your own, and perhaps they can steer you in the right direction---this doesn't mean you are seeking a divorce, just finding out how to protect yourself, if he decides to hit the road. You need tender, loving care now, and I guess the husbands of those who are not able to be themselves need a little petting along the way, too.
Just remind him, that this is not a permanent situation, that things will improve. Maybe he did just need to get away from it all, and if he got to drinking or something, he may have just exploded, and will return to normal. Please, try to protect yourself as I suggested if he gets any worse. Tell him you know he is going through a really bad time right now, but if he loves you and the children, that he needs to hang in there, and be patient and try to understand that you hate the situation and would give anything if cancer hadn't attacked you. You did nothing to get cancer, it is a disease that has no respector of persons; old and young, rich and poor; every nationality; every color of skin - no one is immune to it. He could very well have it one day himself; and would need you to take care of him.
You and your family will be constantly in my thoughts and prayers. You are not the only woman whose husband has not been able to accept sickness of any kind in their wife or even their children. I have known several in my lifetime. May God bless you and give you the strength you need to get through this. Go to the Lord in prayer. When you don't understand why something is happening - then read the directions - the Bible.
Hugs and prayers,
Brenda

Dear Carrie,
I am sorry you have to go through so much while fighting your fight. I guess I just want to remind you of how the simplicity of life. Unfortunately the biggest thing I learned through my cancer is that the train of life keeps rolling. Terrible things happen and relationships change. It is the changes that have taken place that can be so hard for someone else to comprehend. I think we all have to just remember we all do the best that we can and I would venture to say so is he. If you would ever want to chat I will be on tonight 7:00pm. I am on the West coast. Western Standard Time.
Hang in there Carrie somehow things do manage to get better. I don't know how but somehow they do.
thinking of you,
Tara

Dear Carrie,
I'm sorry you're having marital problems. You are right, he should have come home to help you with your daughter. This must be hard on all of you, but you both need to remember that your cancer is only temporary. Have faith that you will get better soon.
Your husband's probably terrified of losing you. Try to get some counseling, if he won't go , go for yourself.
My prayers are with you, Love,
Diane

Hi Carrie,

It seems your husband is scared and is loosing it. Maybe a few days separation would actually do you both good, to cool off. You know, when we are sick we are the center of attention, for the medical team, for our families and friends. The partner may feel left out. You mentionned you had believed so far your husband was supportive. Concentrate on that. Concentrate on what made you love him in the first place : he may be gentle, funny, hard working... Yes, he lost it and no, we women would never ever do such a thing , especially when a kid is hurt. You can decide for yourself what you are ready to accept and what you will not accept. But before sharing this decision with him, how about first listing on a paper all the reasons why you love him ? He may feel like he has been used and didn't get recognition for the support he has already given, who knows ? He needs your love, as much as you need his. And love is different from just assuming one's responsibilities.

Marriage, even when there is no sickness involved, is a rocky adventure. I have been married 16 years now and it has been ups and downs. But we have always worked through it together, even if at times I was ready to scream ! There are times when I felt I was not given the support I needed, and I KNOW there are times my husband felt the same way. We are not perfect, we must learn and grow together.

I hope with all my heart that you two will get through this OK, and that it will actually strengthen your relationship.

Big hugs,
Cathy

I'm a bit late reading this and I hope today is better. Our loved ones get stressed out too just like us so hopefully it was just a bad day. Some times men have a harder time with this than we do. We are here if you need to chat.